Something I'd like to know for future reference.

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Alright, I am going to suffer through lunch with the NT women today so I can ask for you. They will know exactly what to do. (Don't worry, this is a covert mission. I will claim you are my shy nephew who has come to me for advice. They all know I don't know about those things and NT women love to give instructions. Just ask their spouses!) So we'll go to the source and see what they come back with for you.

Goat,

Okay. Here we go. When she sat next to you but left a chair in between, she wanted you to say, "Do you mind if I sit next to you? I hate eating alone." This is because she hates eating alone but doesn't want to say so. She wants you to pretend to rescue her. When you move next to her, first ask her name, then introduce yourself. Next, you say something like, do you eat here often? (Tell her if you do.) How do you like it? (If she likes it, you say you like it. If she hates it, you just come here because it's convenient.) What classes are you taking this semester? (Tell her what classes you are taking and emphasize any you have in common) What is your major? (Say, that's interesting if different than yours and ask questions about it. What kind of classes do you have to take to get that degree? What can you do with that when you get out? Do you know where you hope to get a job?) How do you like your professors? (If she says only positive things about her professors, you do the same about yours. If she says negative things, you must say at least one negative thing about your professors, but don't fixate on it. You're a guy, so saying negative things about one is sufficient. After that just say, they're alright professors. That's a guy thing to say.) Ask if she's from that state and if not, ask where she is from. If she's from somewhere else and she is in her first year at college, ask if she misses home. If you asked those, ask how big her high school was and if she misses her friends. (Say you miss some people if she does, otherwise say you didn't have much in common with those people in high school and you are enjoying people more now.)

Now, you turn the conversation. Ask what she likes to do when she's not in class. Keep asking what else until you reach something that you have in common. At that point, say, Oh yeah? Me too. Have you... and ask her if she has gone to a lecture, read a book, whatever it is you have done for that interest. At this point, if you don't get it, she's going to give you a hint and say, Such and such is coming up. I'd really like to see or go to that. THAT is your cue! When she does that, say, Hey, would you like to go together? I hate going to those things alone. If she says yes, you set up a date and time right there, get her phone number and say you'll call the day before. Now keep talking. Ask more about the interest. Has she done this? Has she done that? When did she first get interested? How did she first get interested? Keep the focus on her, not you. By now it should be time to go. Walk with her as far as you can. She will indicate when it's too far. At that point, just say, "I'll see you on _____ at _____. I'll call you the day before. Have a good day (her name)!"


There we have it. 10 NT womens' take on what you should say and do to get the girl.

Zanne

Hey, I'm a writer and they all think I'm just terribly shy and socially inept. They don't know anything about AS and I don't tell them. What would be the point. They do know that I have five brothers and six nephews though, so they didn't find the question strange at all. They probably just figured my nephew was shy like me.

Anyway, since I'm a writer and you kept running out of things to say, I made them tell it to me like a script, which they did. They didn't even care when I wrote it all down and made them repeat things. I just said, "Hey! I'll never remember all this so slow down!" They had a blast with it and they all want to know how it turns out. They now think your success hinges on how good the advice is that they gave you. So you better report back! As you know, NTs love their feedback.

I hope it works. They were very into it.

I think that is good advice.My only problem with it (just from my perspective)....I need the one seat apart buffer.It is hard to talk to someone I am sitting to close to and I relax more if I am not to physically close.I like the closeness after a few "dates" because it gets the adrinalin running....but it is over whelming when I am first getting to know someone....this is just coming from an aspie female,so.....as someone here saus(sorry,bad with names)...."your milage may vary.

Oh! I forgot an important thing they said. They told me that you need to practice this, preferably with another girl, but a guy friend if you have to do it that way. (Just make sure if it's a guy you do it where you can't be seen. LOL)

YOu know what can make this practice actually a little eaisier(and sounds really silly but helped me).Tell yourself,over and over........

"I actually want to know who this person is,how they think,how they grew up,what their interests are....I am really interested in the smallest details(of their sometimes mundane lives)....."

The reason this has worked for me,is that I am actually interested in some people.They are one of my interests(psychology,biology,sociology,politics.....people are filled with this stuff,I like to unearth it)

Unfortunately,I am not always in that mindset....sometimes it is more interesting to learn these things in books then from the mouths of people who seem to take forever to "get to the point" of something interesting.Yet,you will never know,until you actually attempt to dialogue with the.

I wonder if studying the techniques of cultural anthropologist would be helpful to aspies?

wow, thats lot of useful advice in here. thank zannemarie, for going out there to retrieve it. you should get an aspie army silver star or something for that.

im starting to try and make myself rely on my 2nd and 3rd impulses cause the first one seems to be an artifact... or something.... but at any rate... it doesn't ever seem to help me...

so yeah, do those things that don't come that naturally to you... it's hard and you wouldn't think it would work... but somehow, it does