Crazy exes

Post Reply New Topic

I am trying to think about whether anyone I dated was crazy or not. Three examples:

1. I was 26, she was 31. Fresh out of a relationship. Seemingly not over the ex. Details I knew about her was that she had GAD, had asthma and weight issues and was also bi. Didn't eat very healthy, and often got sick and did have some issues with alcohol. We dated for about two months, things got intimate and she rejected my awkward attempt at trying to take the relationship to the next level. I remember the explanation I got was "I have been getting in and out of relationships for the last 5 years and want some time to grow." Also heard her say to me "I think you met me at a difficult time in my life."
I think in hindsight, I can say I was inexperienced and that she was in some sort of mid life crisis. She had been engaged to a previous partner (not the one right before me) and had indicated that she was upset she hadn't had children yet. Last we spoke to eachother, she was pregnant.

2. Was kinda hanging out with this girl with a group of friends while dating someone else (obviously this thing with the other girl didn't end well either. I was 27 and she was 21 years. She had a boyfriend which I didn't find out about until after we kissed. I got a little cocky after a while and thought I could get this girl. However, my arrogance let me down of course and this girl was nothing more than a troublemaker who loved playing the role of "damsel in distress" and would often cheat on her boyfriend. Often referred to bf as "piece of s**t." While somehow becoming just friends with her after a while (not before having slept with her of course when she was still with bf and also after she apparently broke up with bf). She didn't know what she wanted and was immature. The type that seemingly wouldn't let go of one guy until she had a firm grasp on a relationship with the next guy. Seemingly only wanted men she thought made more money than the bf (he was already a Masters with six figure salary and working on his PhD). Crazy? I don't know for sure. My friendship/relationship with her was probably the most toxic i ever been involved in.

3. Started dating shortly after I stopped dating number 2 and after it was apparent that number 2 never broke up with bf. She had issues lingering over the ex and was 23. Started communicating with him again while we were dating and seemingly out of nowhere. Was constantly mad at me over something even claiming when breaking up with me that I never meet her halfway despite even backing out on plans with a friend to spend time with her on many occasions. She chose to dump me the day before I went on vacation to South America. Decided the day I got back that she wanted to ask me how the vacation went. Found out after the conversation that she got back with the ex while I was gone.
Would proceed to try and lure me back to her a couple times over the next few months despite making it clear that she was still in love with the ex. Still talked as friend at one point and it seemed she was stopping. But after the first date with my fiance (then just dating), and after telling me how happy she was for me, she then proceeded to try and lure me back again (usually used a sob story about the ex when making her attempts to lure me back or when it seemed I was about to date someone else). I haven't spoken to her since and it did seem she was very hot and cold.

I have a ex who is about as obvious a case of Borderline Personality Disorder as you can get. I am almost certain she was diagnosed with it by a psychologist (after I insisted she needed professional help) so this isn't a case of me projecting it onto her. Let's just say all the warnings were true: I should have ran after the third date when after having a nice conversation about the importance of transparency, she ran out of the room an hour later crying and screaming for no reason (a nearly daily occurrence) and it only got worse from there. When I was excitedly telling my brother about how I finally found a girlfriend (being almost 30), he looked at her facebook page and texted one word to me.

RUN

I should have listened but I was too eager to get rid of my inexperience and find true love. I was further fooled by how "normal" she was in the first two weeks and how she wanted to marry me after just two months. I must be incredible... or so I thought at the time.

She partook in all the classic BPD behaviors: wild mood swings, angry outbursts followed by loving gestures (and repeat), screaming and yelling about how I wasted her time by being 10 minutes late... for 4 hours, throwing things, making false accusations, etc. My coworkers and parents told me I was going to end up being arrested because of her and one coworker I rarely talked to said with a straight face she would bail me out if necessary. They were frighteningly close to what happened in reality. It even ended with a threat of suicide and a few punches at my car which she never apologized for. Then again, she almost never apologized for anything she did and even demanded I give her back every cent she gave me to cover gas costs (she lived a LONG way out and had no licence). I even paid hundreds of dollars to a couples counselor and she stopped going once he basically said I was 80-90% right.

What's hardest of all to deal with is that many of my relatives are involved with women who have Cluster B traits and I laughed at how I would never fall for it. Oh boy I did and she nearly ruined my life. It took me a while to stop beating myself up for being so f***** stupid and staying with someone who treated me so inconsistently but like surviving a war or other crisis, you have NO IDEA what it is like until you are actually there.

It didn't help when I tried to talk to others they would reply "women are moody" or "get used to it", as if yelling and throwing temper tantrums was typical female behaviour. After extensive counseling, I eventually found a great woman (who is I believe 14 years older than the ex) and she has NEVER raised her voice or fought with me once. The wedding date is almost set.