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ThisAdamGuy
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16 Aug 2015, 6:54 pm

Because I never have before. I'm referring to my "just friends," of course, but I've always been a very loyal friend. I don't just get tired of people the way they do of me.


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Ban-Dodger
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16 Aug 2015, 7:05 pm

When you are one of those Aspies, you do not necessarily meet women since you/we tend to never leave the house nor go out-side, but in the case where you are out-side, any time a girl smiles at you, that is when you start talking to her, say hi or what-not, followed with something like : « What brings you here...? » ...then you can further follow-up with more follow-ups to your opening... like...: « I know, I know, you had a 'psychic-moment' this morning, and therefore, you absolutely had to come out & meet me as a result, like we are doing right now ! :D » and perhaps even a... « I think this is the part of your prediction where we spontaneously hug each other ! :D » (followed-up with a big smile by opening up your arms for a hug of course).

Otherwise your main option is simply going to be to make « social » friends and ask them to basically « introduce » you to someone with whom might be or is definitely interested in getting hooked up with you.

For purposes of making her your friend, hug her only briefly, for a girl-friend, keep holding her in your arms...


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rdos
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17 Aug 2015, 4:16 am

Ban-Dodger wrote:
When you are one of those Aspies, you do not necessarily meet women since you/we tend to never leave the house nor go out-side, but in the case where you are out-side, any time a girl smiles at you, that is when you start talking to her, say hi or what-not, followed with something like : « What brings you here...? » ....


That's scary stuff. 8O

Even if I could manage to do it, this is a sure path to friendship only as I cannot do this with somebody I'm romantically interested in.



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17 Aug 2015, 7:35 am

I don't know... when all else has failed... I tend to just refer these days to looking towards possible hypno-therapy. Perhaps you will have a lot more success after a year of hypnotic-suggestion sessions.

rdos wrote:
Ban-Dodger wrote:
When you are one of those Aspies, you do not necessarily meet women since you/we tend to never leave the house nor go out-side, but in the case where you are out-side, any time a girl smiles at you, that is when you start talking to her, say hi or what-not, followed with something like : « What brings you here...? » ....


That's scary stuff. 8O

Even if I could manage to do it, this is a sure path to friendship only as I cannot do this with somebody I'm romantically interested in.

From the looks of the search I did there are five specialists in the Relationship-Enhancement category.


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rdos
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17 Aug 2015, 8:39 am

Ban-Dodger wrote:
I don't know... when all else has failed... I tend to just refer these days to looking towards possible hypno-therapy. Perhaps you will have a lot more success after a year of hypnotic-suggestion sessions.
rdos wrote:
Ban-Dodger wrote:
When you are one of those Aspies, you do not necessarily meet women since you/we tend to never leave the house nor go out-side, but in the case where you are out-side, any time a girl smiles at you, that is when you start talking to her, say hi or what-not, followed with something like : « What brings you here...? » ....


That's scary stuff. 8O

Even if I could manage to do it, this is a sure path to friendship only as I cannot do this with somebody I'm romantically interested in.

From the looks of the search I did there are five specialists in the Relationship-Enhancement category.


Not interested. I prefer to keep my natural way of starting relationships (if I ever need to do that again). After all, it works, and I don't need to adopt the ways of NTs. For me a relationship never starts with talking. It starts with flirting. Anything that starts with talking is a friendship.



rdos
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17 Aug 2015, 9:25 am

Forgot one important thing. Not only do a relationship start with flirting, it's also necessary to get a crush on the girl BEFORE talking to her. Otherwise it's a friendship. That's also compatible with asexuality, as otherwise there is no clear-cut difference between a friendship and a relationship with no sex. The difference is that you must have gone through the crush-phase for it to be a relationship. And friendships simply never turn into relationships (at least not for me), because I never get a crush on a friend, or somebody I know.

So if you bond with sex, start relationships with talking, or transform friendships into relationships, then you are NT in the relationship area. That may be good for you, but your advice simply doesn't work for those that have neurodiverse preferences.



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17 Aug 2015, 3:17 pm

rdos wrote:
Forgot one important thing. Not only do a relationship start with flirting, it's also necessary to get a crush on the girl BEFORE talking to her. Otherwise it's a friendship. That's also compatible with asexuality, as otherwise there is no clear-cut difference between a friendship and a relationship with no sex. The difference is that you must have gone through the crush-phase for it to be a relationship. And friendships simply never turn into relationships (at least not for me), because I never get a crush on a friend, or somebody I know.

So if you bond with sex, start relationships with talking, or transform friendships into relationships, then you are NT in the relationship area. That may be good for you, but your advice simply doesn't work for those that have neurodiverse preferences.


theres no connection between ND and asexual. just because you are ND and asexual doesn't mean all ND are asexual or all asexuals are ND.

so don't tell us aspies we are more nt because we aren't asexual.



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17 Aug 2015, 3:24 pm

It sounds like you're in the same boat I'm in. Maybe not quite as far off yet though. I'm 36 and have never dated anyone. Right now, it's hard because I don't even know anyone I'd want to ask out. There is not a single female in my (small) social circle. My biggest problem seems to be that I've never been able to find that mythical place referred to only as "out there". Per the advice of other people, I've been trying to find or get "out there" for years, but I have not been able to discover that place. Anymore, I don't even bother with it. Any female I'd meet would be a complete stranger at first and I hate interacting with strangers. It's not because I'm shy, I'm actually not, it's that I don't know what they like or are interested in which makes it impossible to have an interesting conversation. I hate talking just for the sake of talking so unless there's a valid "reason" or "subject" to discuss, I don't talk to people.



rdos
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17 Aug 2015, 3:33 pm

sly279 wrote:
rdos wrote:
Forgot one important thing. Not only do a relationship start with flirting, it's also necessary to get a crush on the girl BEFORE talking to her. Otherwise it's a friendship. That's also compatible with asexuality, as otherwise there is no clear-cut difference between a friendship and a relationship with no sex. The difference is that you must have gone through the crush-phase for it to be a relationship. And friendships simply never turn into relationships (at least not for me), because I never get a crush on a friend, or somebody I know.

So if you bond with sex, start relationships with talking, or transform friendships into relationships, then you are NT in the relationship area. That may be good for you, but your advice simply doesn't work for those that have neurodiverse preferences.


theres no connection between ND and asexual. just because you are ND and asexual doesn't mean all ND are asexual or all asexuals are ND.

so don't tell us aspies we are more nt because we aren't asexual.


Yes, there is a considerable connection between ND and asexual (it's 5 times more common). Not only that, but it is quite likely that there are many more that do not bond with sex than there are openly asexual.



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17 Aug 2015, 3:36 pm

I can safely make this my last post for this thread : When you refuse to or cannot or will not adapt to changes or the environment or the surroundings & are already rigidly set in your ways then I simply no longer have any reason to say anything further. I have already spoken from experience of being amongst various different populations that are located in different regions of the world & certain locations do in fact have very markedly noticeable cultural-differences & approaches to various situations (including how they act/react socially).


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rdos
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17 Aug 2015, 3:46 pm

Yeah, I've heard the argument that "relationships are social / cultural things you need to adapt to" before. I've also heard that in order to get into a relationship you need to master the (NT) social game before. Truth is, you don't need to, and by adapting you will likely end up in a worthless relationship with an NT that will feel you are depriving her of emotional support.

It's your choice to adapt, but I didn't adapt and I've been happily married for over 20 years. That's the proof of concept.



sly279
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17 Aug 2015, 4:00 pm

rdos wrote:
sly279 wrote:
rdos wrote:
Forgot one important thing. Not only do a relationship start with flirting, it's also necessary to get a crush on the girl BEFORE talking to her. Otherwise it's a friendship. That's also compatible with asexuality, as otherwise there is no clear-cut difference between a friendship and a relationship with no sex. The difference is that you must have gone through the crush-phase for it to be a relationship. And friendships simply never turn into relationships (at least not for me), because I never get a crush on a friend, or somebody I know.

So if you bond with sex, start relationships with talking, or transform friendships into relationships, then you are NT in the relationship area. That may be good for you, but your advice simply doesn't work for those that have neurodiverse preferences.


theres no connection between ND and asexual. just because you are ND and asexual doesn't mean all ND are asexual or all asexuals are ND.

so don't tell us aspies we are more nt because we aren't asexual.


Yes, there is a considerable connection between ND and asexual (it's 5 times more common). Not only that, but it is quite likely that there are many more that do not bond with sex than there are openly asexual.


how do you explain that theres more sexual aspies on there then asexual aspies then?



ThisAdamGuy
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17 Aug 2015, 4:21 pm

I'm definitely not asexual. I'm attracted to the female gender. I want to stay abstinent until marriage (if it ever comes), and I'm completely uninterested in "booty calls," but that doesn't mean I'm not interested in sex...


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Ettina
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17 Aug 2015, 5:20 pm

Sign up for a female-dominated activity, such as volunteering with disabled children or learning dance.



kraftiekortie
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17 Aug 2015, 5:38 pm

You would have been in business being friends with John Quincy Adam's wife, Louisa.



ThisAdamGuy
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17 Aug 2015, 5:42 pm

Ettina wrote:
Sign up for a female-dominated activity, such as volunteering with disabled children or learning dance.


lol, the first one doesn't sound so bad, but dancing lessons would probably end with casualties.


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