Breakups and Revenge

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Oh for Heaven's Sake ...

If the kids are above 15 then they already know that their parents are sexual beings too.

And he said he didn't show them sex tapes, just a record of her bragging about cheating.

What else he should have done to make them believe that mom was lying to them about him?

Nope, the truth is always better.

I knew that I was an unwanted pregnancy, and was intended to get aborted.

I don't see this as revenge. I think Fnord was just putting the record straight. His ex-wife told some lies that put him in a bad light as a father and it was good that his kids knew his side of the story.

I never had a discussion about it, but I can assume I was also an unwanted-- I have one sibling and she's twelve years older than me. Most people that plan for a family don't have a twelve year gap between children. This is why I hate math: it never lies.

I don't think the actual actions themselves are what's upsetting to some posters, but the glee he seems to derive from it. It's a type of emotional disconnect. I mean below his own personal feelings about the situation, which I do understand, there are multiple people affected by the decision, himself, his kids, his ex-wife, etc. People tend to have a strong reaction when one person makes a decision that makes them happy and results in multiple people being miserable. I'm not saying he's wrong, if those are indeed the facts, they are the facts, but I am saying it's hard for some people to understand how such a sad moment can give someone satisfaction. I'm not condoning or condemning, merely trying to parse the underlying emotions at play in this thread.

What I don't understand is if someone lies about you and it has affected your life or how people view you, etc. it's wrong to show proof that it was all a lie?

Here is a solution to that problem, don't lie. Problem solved and your conversations won't be shown or emails, PMs, etc.

It's like people want to lie and make stuff up and then get upset when it's shown to others because they were caught so they view the person as the meanie for it but I say it's standing up for yourself.

The other thing is, Fnord didn't tell them the truth about their mother's lies until they were adults.

I think that is a sign of a caring father who took care to protect his juvenile children, but then treated his adult children with respect.

And I agree with League_Girl: don't lie to your kids about your ex, and you will not find yourself caught out in this way.

"Glee"? Okay ... I wonder how a person is supposed to feel after having been cheated on, being lied to and lied about, losing home and family to divorce, surrendering half of their salary under false pretenses, and then being vindicated when the entire truth is revealed.

What do those women think I am supposed to do, cry and moan while wearing sack-cloth and ashes?

Well, they can just forget that idea! I am nobody's victim - especially my ex-wife's!

Relief in vindication. Pride in my offspring's ability to see through their mother's bushlit. Joy in finally being able to move ahead with my life without having to worry about some jackass confronting me with my ex's lies as if they were the Gospel from On High. Schadenfreude at knowing that any shame she derives from this has precipitated from her own words and her own actions - she has nobody to blame but herself.

AND only after they had asked me for the truth.

I did all that I could, within the limits set forth by her lawyers (and later approved by the court) ... visitation was every other weekend ... strict pick-up and drop-off times ... no girlfriends present (not even in public) while with the kids ... no amusement parks or other public venues without her permission ... I paid for the medical insurance ... she was sole beneficiary of their life insurance ... she or her boyfriend/husband were the only ones allowed to pick them from school ... et cetera ...

They had already figured things out for themselves. All that I did was provide the proof that they needed to confirm what they already knew.

Good for you!

You're missing my point, it's not about the message, it's the way you're packaging the message. What would you rather hear, "Give me my f*****g coffee" or "Would you please hand me my coffee". You're welcome to express yourself any way you see fit, but if you want more people on your side you have to package that message in a way they'll understand. It's obvious to me why a lot of females got defensive about your comments-- they sense the hostility and have probably encountered the same hostility directed at them at some point from a male thus they'll confront that hostility. If you present your message in a standoffish way you'll get a standoffish response in most cases.

Here's the facts as I see them: Your ex cheated on you, divorced you, and then lied to your children about the events that transpired. When they were older they asked about the events that precipitated the divorce and you told them the truth. It made you feel good to get the truth out there for you and your kids sake.<--- just stating the facts earns you sympathy, makes the wife look bad by the facts alone, and sounds like a very successful way to deal with the problem which earns you cred for sensibility.

Now, when you start taking shots at the ex-wife, and mentioning how good it made you feel to get a stab back you lose a part of the sympathy, and the decision to show your kids doesn't sound sensible it sounds emotionally impulsive. You can just not give a f**k about who your audience is, that's your right, but I think with a little thought to the message you'd have the entire forum on your side. Once you've earned that sympathy, then you can let the emotions flow in a reply post because you've already got everyone on your side and they'll sympathize with those emotions. Emotions are strong things, they're generally not the best thing to open a dialogue with and are best saved for a little later in the conversation.

[sarcasm]

Oh, golly gee, Miss Manners! I'm so sorry for not wrapping it all up in a pretty pink bow just for you! I am so sorry to have disappointed you so greatly with my atrocious neglect of the proper way to express myself! Obviously, I simply can not be good enough to even perceive your lofty standards, much less perform to your level of decency! My choices in how I've led my life and how I express express myself grieve me to no end, especially knowing that you will never speak highly of me! I am so sorry that you perceive me as unworthy of any joy in the vindication I have experienced, and I wish you only the best if you should ever be deprived as I was of home, family, livelihood, and even the simple dignity of having clean clothes to wear while begging passers-by for just enough money to buy a decent meal.

[/sarcasm]

Get over yourself.

Suit yourself. If you want a small audience you can have a small audience, no sweat off my back.

maybe it's time to put a closure here...