What do I do about a controlling girlfriend?

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YippySkippy
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01 Sep 2015, 11:07 am

There's a big difference between dating a childless woman, and dating a woman with a child.
A mother doesn't usually want a casual relationship. Your girlfriend is probably looking for an eventual spouse and step-father for her child. You, my friend, are on an extended job interview. If you're not interested in the position, then it's best to let her know that as soon as possible. Being from another culture, she may be just assuming that your relationship is headed toward marriage.



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01 Sep 2015, 11:12 am

I think that if you are usually only seeing each other at weekends and occasionally that doesn't happen because of your caring commitments/preferring to spend time with friends then I can see why she thinks you don't see enough of each other. This is clearly a problem as from your perspective you are seeing more than enough of each other as you even see her when you would rather be alone. I think at the beginning of serious relationships it is normal for the girlfriend/boyfriend to take priority over other social engagements (I'm not including your caring role here) hence the stereotype of friends getting dumped for a while. I think maybe she wants a serious relationship and you just want to be casually dating?



tombo12boar
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01 Sep 2015, 11:16 am

Leave. You are not winning someone's trust or showing them you have what it takes to love her. There will never be a day where you prove yourself and the tests stop. She will get worse and worse and make more confusing demands as long as you keep enabling her. This woman may be ready to date someday but not now and not as long as you play her game.



YippySkippy
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01 Sep 2015, 11:26 am

Also, if you've been dating this woman for four months and haven't yet disclosed that you have Asperger's, that's pretty deceitful. The language/culture barrier may well be keeping her from picking up on your "quirks" on her own. I think it's a lie by omission not to let her know. Especially as there is a child involved in all this.



dianthus
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01 Sep 2015, 2:33 pm

YippySkippy wrote:
There's a big difference between dating a childless woman, and dating a woman with a child.
A mother doesn't usually want a casual relationship. Your girlfriend is probably looking for an eventual spouse and step-father for her child. You, my friend, are on an extended job interview. If you're not interested in the position, then it's best to let her know that as soon as possible. Being from another culture, she may be just assuming that your relationship is headed toward marriage.


YippySkippy wrote:
Also, if you've been dating this woman for four months and haven't yet disclosed that you have Asperger's, that's pretty deceitful. The language/culture barrier may well be keeping her from picking up on your "quirks" on her own. I think it's a lie by omission not to let her know. Especially as there is a child involved in all this.


Very good points and I agree.



slw1990
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01 Sep 2015, 7:23 pm

If she's like that because of trust issues and nothing else then you could try giving her very detailed explanations, if you don't already, so that she won't be as likely to feel like you are hiding something.



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06 Sep 2015, 10:44 am

Shoot her with a tranquilizer dart then transport her into the wilderness and tag her with a tracking device! That way you know where she is going and if that bleeping dot on the radar is getting closer to your home address its time to run or hide!


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06 Sep 2015, 10:50 am

I didn't even read your post cause quite frankly your subject line says enough and I don't don't care for the details. Be a man put your foot down and simply call her out on what ever it is shes doing. Tell her you have your own life and she might be a part of it but she sure as in hell don't run it. Either that or cut the bish loose.



AspieOtaku
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06 Sep 2015, 3:01 pm

Call the animal control on her!


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AngelRho
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06 Sep 2015, 3:34 pm

You have to break up with her. The girl is crazy. Girls like that are hard to get away from. The sooner you end this relationship, the better.

I was in a similar situation that dragged on for years. Don't put yourself yourself through this.



YippySkippy
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06 Sep 2015, 6:20 pm

OP, bear in mind that misery loves company. ;)



cathylynn
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06 Sep 2015, 6:26 pm

over-jealousy, which she exhibits whatever excuse she gives for it, is a warning sign that she may turn out to be physically abusive. get out while the getting is good. so is trying to get you to not see friends. it's not half as bad now as it could get.,



AspieOtaku
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06 Sep 2015, 11:10 pm

Call the animal control on her and tell them you have a rabid chimp in your house, they will understand and respond immediately and tranquilize her and take her away and relocate her!


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Klowglas
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07 Sep 2015, 12:04 pm

You're being used.

In the redpill, there is a common saying that is "Alpha ***s, beta bucks"

Female sexual strategy is designed to have the stable provider raise the alpha's child, because alpha males are selective about who they commit to and most of all they are unstable and live a wild life, very few women will get the alpha males commitment.

Women are the gatekeepers to sex; men are the gatekeepers to commitment.

All the girls in the class want the quarterback; the rest of the males are invisible until reality hits them hard in the face and they have to make concessions.

Alpha males offer good genes; betas offer stability -- you are her beta.

And keep this in mind: women DO NOT respect beta males, ergo they will control/abuse you. Women spend their entire lives chasing after alpha males, who pumps and dumps them to slay another woman. That alpha left her child with you; her sexual strategy is to use sex as leverage to get you to provide for the children that the alpha male didn't care for.

She gets the best of both worlds with this sexual strategy; alpha male genes and beta male stability, it is ingenious.

They essentially manipulate you to provide for their children and then give you some unenthusiastic 'pity sex' as a reward.

Go to the redpill(https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/), read up on their sidebar material, they will shine a light on female sexual strategy, the material is very depressing because it brings to mind just how animal the human race really is.

Much of what I've said will be considered misogynistic because female sexual strategy is very covert and depressing, nobody likes being told that humans are just like animals, but it is the reality that we live in; we are animals and we are still governed by our base instincts. There's also the fact that women are covert about their sexual strategy; if a beta male can imitate alpha male qualities then that means she's been deceived and didn't receive the alpha male genes for her children.

Some more proverbs from theredpill: "Men are designed to manipulate the environment; women are designed to manipulate men".



timtowdi
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07 Sep 2015, 11:52 pm

Well, hang on. You say she's you're girlfriend, but you see her only on weekends, and then only if things aren't going on with your parents or friends. So maybe you see her two or three times a month? Most people in relationships see each other much more often than that, even if they don't live together. At least a few times a week is usual, and that's if the relationship isn't very close. If it's close, it's usual for couples to spend time together most days. Her friends are probably telling her that you have girls on the side or aren't very interested. Those are the usual reasons a man doesn't make time to see his girlfriend.

If she doesn't understand that this is as much as you can do, that's a problem. But it may just be that she needs someone who can spend more time with her. It doesn't mean that she's controlling, just that she's normal.



dianthus
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08 Sep 2015, 1:24 am

I agree, her feelings sound normal given the circumstances. Especially if the OP hasn't explained that he has AS and needs time alone.

On the other hand, the OP's feelings about sacrificing, feeling controlled, not being able to do enough, etc., sound wildly out of sync with his description of a 4 month, weekends only, "when I want to" relationship. But those feelings make a lot more sense in regards to having disabled parents who want the OP to do what they say.