Aspie girls What do guys do wrong?

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I'm a guy, but I can comment on something that was holding me back personally. I've always had pretty good success at getting dates, and even second/third dates, but after 3 or 4 I would always get told "You're a great guy, but I just don't feel any chemistry/attraction". It took me ages to realize that they weren't actually rejecting me for who I was, but because I wasn't being physical enough on the dates. I was doing the verbal part of the dates just fine, but I was clueless when it came to the nonverbal part.

Ever since I started getting more physical (casual touching/hugs/kisses), my success rate has gone way up, and I even managed to get my first kiss and first relationship quite shortly after. I'm still kind of surprised that it's such a big deal for women, since for me while it's nice, I care far less about a 5-second hug or kiss than I do about actually getting to know the person and our commonalities.

Good anecdote, Stargazer.

Yeah...it's true. When I was 15, I was shy. I went out with this girl. She kept on asking me? "Well....aren't you going to DO anything?" I didn't do anything--and she dumped me.

Yeah...the playfighting thing.....that's important in young NT culture. Not so much as one gets past age 25, though.

I'll respond, but I don't have a broad enough range of experience with Aspie guys, specifically. I can tell you what some men (NT or not) do that I find off-putting or difficult to handle.

* Stereotyping/generalising groups of people. E.G. 'Woman are too picky'; 'Young people have no respect'.

* Presuming they can touch me. Some men assume they can kiss me hello/goodbye - and don't ask me first! I've had a similar problem with men touching my hair, or placing their hand on my lower back. Drives me mental! Always ask first!

* Offering unsolicited advice. Some men will try advising me on a matter, without me asking, even on subjects/situations of which I am better informed. If you feel you have good advice to offer, first ask 'Would you like my advice?'

* Gender segregation (this is something that happens more with religious types). 'Men only' and 'women only' groups are unnecessarily divisive, and people can find themselves isolated. Unless it's a sexual-abuse support group or - I dunno, 'period club', there is no need to organise events for one gender and exclude the other.

* Cat-calling. Don't do that. Ever.

Yesssss My precioussss

Ok I will put a list of things guys have done wrong when dating me:
-not being clear of their intentions
-acting like having a girlfriend is separate from your life and not really inviting her into said life
-Being overbearingly clingy, like the boyfriend I had in highschool...for that it couldn't work I just cannot have someone always making physical contact.
-catering to a psycho sounding ex, to see the baby you had with her(the baby and psycho ex was not mentioned until after we made it official we were 'dating'). I really did like this guy a lot but that complicated things, far too much.
-also apparently sex on the first date is problematic....I guess that can translate to if you're mostly looking for sex, say so...don't act like you're looking for a girlfriend unless that is what you are looking for.

So yeah just a couple things I've run into that I see as 'doing it wrong' but I cannot say what neurotype the guys I've dated are, most have seemed neurotypical and some have had sort of autism like traits, not sure if actually on the spectrum though.

I think there is at least some interest in autistic girls on the part of autistic guys on this Site.

I'm an old lady, but I have dated quite a few aspie and NT guys in my day ... and I believe I am fairly forgiving and open-minded.

But the kiss of death for two of my (probably) aspie boyfriends wasn't about relationship finesse, it was about really basic aspie booboos ....

- Having a meltdown and shouting in my face when I was on my way to the hospital for an operation.

- And having poopie pants.

Dropping them was a pretty easy decision.

I agree with that, Maude

Poopie pants really have a way of turning off women.

And the abject selfishness you speak of---extremely rare, even amongst Aspies.

You're only six year older than me--you're not an "old lady!"

I told my Aspie friend this:
Learn about NT female emotional needs. On the other Aspie site you would see NT females complaining about their Aspie bf's and husbands not fulfilling their "emotional" needs. Aspie men have a problem understanding this because it has to do with "feelings" which brings "closeness". Nothing logical about it. And it's done in ways that Aspie men are uncomfortable with - eye contact, touching, cuddling, SMALL TALK. That's how NT women connect. Without it, I can't tell you how lonely it is and it is a NEED. If we don't get it, we get very depressed. I'm not even seeing my Aspie friend in person, but its very hard to have a close friendship with him. I can tell he's always holding back. He's not good with small talk. Everything with him is logical. When I brought up to him about fulfilling NT female emotional needs, he wanted a definition. It's a "feeling" And cant be defined. Facial expressions and body language come into it too. Spending quality time listening is a big thing - not doing another activity while listening. He said he would learn more about emotional needs of women. And doing things that don't make sense comes into it too - celebrating Valentines Day, anniversaries, birthdays, etc. Its the thought that gives us the warm, fuzzy feelings and makes us feel closer to the other person.