Simple question for hetero males

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Wolfram87
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10 Sep 2015, 10:10 am

Still, even accounting for personal preference, it feels a bit odd to say "she's very attractive, but I'm not attracted to her". Speaking of superficial characteristics, of course. Plenty of meh-looking girls have awesome personalities that lift their attractiveness.


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glebel
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10 Sep 2015, 10:21 am

Physical attraction is great, and I like a good looking woman as much as the next guy, but you can't overlook the importance of psychological attraction. Given how hard it is to make a connection when you are an Aspie, we had better make sure that we hook up with the right person when we do get into a relationship. We're not like these NTs who change relationships like some people change their underwear. I have been a widower for almost nine years and it isn't easy, either being alone or finding a new soulmate. However, I haven't given up and neither should you. :D And by the way, my lady was petite and quite attractive, I think she picked me because she liked my garden :lol: .


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Herman
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10 Sep 2015, 2:05 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I do not like this thread because it's promoting the idea that "guys are more shallow, and crave for conventional beauty"; this is just a popular shaming.

I have observed and did experiments on dating apps/sites, and I am 200% convinced that girls crave conventional beauty as much as guys do when it comes to looks and other physical aspects such as body and height.

Let's accept that fact.


There is a point to this I swear! and its definitely not to shame anyone. Like I said I fit exactly into this stereotype for the majority of my life.

Thanks everyone for contributing, Im going to read everything in detail and add replies and thoughts. Just a little tied up for the moment! Remember I have severe ADD and EFD, just give me some time.



Herman
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10 Sep 2015, 2:09 pm

Wolfram87 wrote:
I might be a bit weird in this regard, but I can recognize conventional attractiveness without really being attracted to it.



I assumed everyone was capable of this. Its just like being able to recognise a good looking male if you are a straight guy yourself. Majority of girls are straight, yet one of their most common topics of thought and conversation is the attractiveness of other women!



Wolfram87
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10 Sep 2015, 2:26 pm

Herman wrote:
Wolfram87 wrote:
I might be a bit weird in this regard, but I can recognize conventional attractiveness without really being attracted to it.



I assumed everyone was capable of this. Its just like being able to recognise a good looking male if you are a straight guy yourself. Majority of girls are straight, yet one of their most common topics of thought and conversation is the attractiveness of other women!


To a degree, sure. But being able to see a man and say he's good looking seems to belong more in the category of
"I wish I looked that good" rather than "man, I would be all over that if I was gay". This could just be me knowing that almost everyone operates on a different frequency than I do, and thus needing something more than looks to go on before my interest is piqued. But being a straight man and not being attracted to an attractive girl seems objectively weird. Like saying "This painting is beautiful, I don't like it."


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The_Face_of_Boo
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10 Sep 2015, 3:34 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
That's not weird at all!

I've known some model-looking people for whom I had NO sexual desire.

I've been sexually attracted to some conventionally rather unattractive ladies.


That's way more common than you think; and it's true for men and women.

That's because your subconscious brain is aware of the huge looks-wise gap (only the money might break this) between you and those model-like women therefore your subconscious is aware that you have no chance with them; and that's a subconscious turn off, your body gives up even before you think to give it a try with any of them.
And it's for that same principle, why you would be more excited for women who seem be more attainable for you.

It's same for women you know, most of the women who made moves on me, were average-looking chubby and even obese women - never by "wow"-looking ladies. The more conventionally beautiful the girl is, the way less likely she would like me.

That's because, me being average too, the average/chubby/obese women are aware that I would be more likely to be attainable for them than let's say....some Brad Pit look-likes out there who are surrounded by model-like girls; and they are totally right.

Every sane person, is self-conscious of his/her "rank" in attractiveness, and would seek for a mate on this basis; only the delusional idiots who would aim much higher.

Studies show that couples are usually closely rated attractiveness-wise, and it's probably that's why.



rdos
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10 Sep 2015, 4:33 pm

I think I mostly judge attractiveness in females like other males do, but then it has no importance at all to whom I like or get crushes on. I'd even say I mostly avoid very attractive women, unless they are very odd, but then I like them because they are odd and not because they are attractive.



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11 Sep 2015, 8:53 pm

Looks aren't really important to me. I mostly wanted a girl who would give me a real chance & try to make a relationship work with me.


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nurseangela
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11 Sep 2015, 9:05 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I do not like this thread because it's promoting the idea that "guys are more shallow, and crave for conventional beauty"; this is just a popular shaming.

I have observed and did experiments on dating apps/sites, and I am 200% convinced that girls crave conventional beauty as much as guys do when it comes to looks and other physical aspects such as body and height.

Let's accept that fact.


Accept that as fact? You can't speak for women unless you are one. Is there something about you that we don't know about, Boo? If not, then stick to what you know - men, and quit presuming that you know everything about women.


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11 Sep 2015, 10:24 pm

I have developed crushes on girls that, when the crush fades, I wonder why I was attracted to them. I may still find them attractive but I am not able to say why I put them above others.

On the other hand I have been put off from girls due to physical factors such as excessive arm hair.



Jacoby
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12 Sep 2015, 2:21 am

No, I don't think I put any desire into any specific minute attributes and am certainly not holding out for anything. That is not why I am alone.



LordRikerQ
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12 Sep 2015, 3:17 am

I've always been strange in my tastes. I am mostly attracted to older Milf or cougar type women, and mostly of the larger bbw variety. My last girlfriend was like 62, so no, there are some of us who don't long for young hot women.

My perfect woman is one in her mid to late 40s and is on the chunky side.

That being said in my youth I would persue all kinds of woman, even handicapped because I can always find something attractive in any woman so long as she has a good heart. My only real turn off is selfish, hateful women.



The_Face_of_Boo
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12 Sep 2015, 2:09 pm

nurseangela wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I do not like this thread because it's promoting the idea that "guys are more shallow, and crave for conventional beauty"; this is just a popular shaming.

I have observed and did experiments on dating apps/sites, and I am 200% convinced that girls crave conventional beauty as much as guys do when it comes to looks and other physical aspects such as body and height.

Let's accept that fact.


Accept that as fact? You can't speak for women unless you are one. Is there something about you that we don't know about, Boo? If not, then stick to what you know - men, and quit presuming that you know everything about women.


Yes, I was a woman :mrgreen: , I know exactly how women think. :jester: