I HATE TINDER

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I beg to differ. I've obsessed with 4-5 different girls, I married one of them, and I'd be happy to be married to any of the other ones as well. This says more about how you selected girls to obsess with than if it is a good tactic or not.

Uhhhhhhhhhhh...no. Just. NO.


Even if there is mutual interest in the beginning, coming on too strong makes one look desperate. And desperation is repulsive; particularly to women. This obsession is called infatuation and it really is unhealthy as yellowtamarin astutely pointed out.

I don't think Tinder is aimed at people like you, darkphantom.
I second trying out Meetup. I run a Meetup group and have seen people eventually pair off that are more suited to each other.

What I will say is that if you go the Meetup route, be sure you are going about it the right way. Joining an interest group under false pretences will likely draw red flags with the moderators of that group. Try singles groups, there are no shortage of them.

I don't think so as my obsessions with girls are typically long-term but not so intense or observable. They are definitely not desperate as I won't do it with just anybody.



Not really. Infatuation (a crush) is not related to obsessing about somebody. They are different things. Besides, I don't see how infatuation / a crush could be unhealthy. It is true that I will only obsess about somebody I have a crush on, but the obsession is what creates a long-term attachment, so if I get into a relationship with the girl, it will last a lot longer if I obsessed about her in the beginning.

My story : got a Tinder match. We exchange a few messages. We exchange phone numbers. We talk for 20 minutes, agree to stay in touch. That was two days ago. Two day I discovered we are no longer Tinder matches. Pooof ! Disappeared.

And you know that for sure? Before I met my Fiancee, I was convinced I found the one. She seemed unlike any girl I ever knew even if she was a bit standoffish. We were the same age, had almost identical backgrounds and identical life goals or so I thought. I was crushed when she broke up with and could barely get out of bed: she was nearly a perfect fit or so I believed at the time.

Fast forward a couple years later and she not only has never been in a relationship since or even a date to my knowledge but bought a house with her best friend. She seemed perfect for about a year after she broke it off and I blamed myself for screwing it up but I realize I would have been absolutely miserable with her. Thank goodness she dumped me because I hit the jackpot with my soon to be Wife. What's best is she would say the same about me.

Given how I was blitzed by a Borderline Personality Disordered girl a few year back I certainly see where you are coming from but my point still stands. None of my 'obsessions' is married to this day except one to a complete loser.


I think the term "desperate" should be banned: what does it even mean??. I tend to be very direct and forthcoming and don't play games but that is NOTHING like "desperation". I grew up in an area of Canada where it is common to invite complete strangers to supper for example and that's not 'desperation' just being friendly. I am so glad I am done with dating!

My college crush which I obsessed with for 3 years (+ a lot of years after school) is married since a long time back, and has a family. I don't know about the high school crush, but I suspect she is too because she appeared to be a really nice girl. The only one I now for sure is not married is the one I met through a contact ad, and which I never obsessed with, and that left me because of her terrible mother. I would certainly not want to be married to her.

Because a 20 minute convo is a promise? Because agreeing to stay in touch (if indeed that's what happened, versus "talk to you soon" as pleasantry) is somehow binding?

And who bumped my thread while I was gone? I made this back in September lol.


And yes, Tinder still sucks.

The looks first thing is a good idea...in theory.

But once you get past the 'you have match' stage, it's just as tedious and worthless as any other online dating site.

I might just swipe right to every single person as an experiment, to see what kind of people find me attractive. See if there's a pattern - if they're all a certain race/ethnicity, etc.

I may have tried that.
Be warned, you might find yourself feeling guilty for unmatching nice, non-compatible people who say hi to you while you are offline.