Waiting for the perfect man? Mr Second Best is better

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sly279
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26 Sep 2015, 1:40 am

Yes people with degrees earn more but that don't mean everyone with degrees earns more . Do you really thing most or all the millions and millions of people going to school all end up in high paying jobs ? About all high school students go to colleges they can't all end up paid good. There just isn't enough jobs for every single person who gets a degree.

I like how my examples are outliers but your just as few are facts and the majority. :roll: rich people always think everyone is like them and just as lucky and well off as them so anyone not is just not trying it's so irritating go walk around some poor areas to see how most the population lives instead of just the upper class areas and cities

I work at the community college for my area and we graduate a lot of people yearly many end up back in college getting another degree when the first didn't find them work.

Kinda like most doctors are men but not all doctors are men puzzle question . Yes people with degrees earn more but not all people with degrees earn more. Irs has never asked me if I have a degree so not sure their data is wide enough like how would they know as taxes don't ask degrees they just go off your income.



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26 Sep 2015, 1:46 am

There are loads of people with college degrees unable to find jobs in their field who end working multiple minimum wage part time positions....or in a full time low pay job they're 'overqualified' for, the of course the ones who find it hard to get hired for those because they are 'overqualified. Then on top of that college is expensive so many graduates are in debt, many who proved unable to graduate are in debt and aren't making enough to pay that off. Maybe its not as big a problem for people in families who could afford to pay their tuition...but I don't really know anyone like that.


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DitavonTeeth
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26 Sep 2015, 9:41 am

Quote:
Yes people with degrees earn more but that don't mean everyone with degrees earns more . Do you really thing most or all the millions and millions of people going to school all end up in high paying jobs ? About all high school students go to colleges they can't all end up paid good. There just isn't enough jobs for every single person who gets a degree.


True, but getting a degree significantly increases the earning potential for 75% of graduates in the U.S.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/moneybox/201 ... aries.html

The study also found that the top 10% of high school graduates out-earn the bottom 25% of college grads. Intuitively, that makes sense.

Quote:
I like how my examples are outliers but your just as few are facts and the majority.


I've included links to the data for the stats I'm citing. You've cited nothing but your experience.

Quote:
rich people always think everyone is like them and just as lucky and well off as them so anyone not is just not trying it's so irritating go walk around some poor areas to see how most the population lives instead of just the upper class areas and cities
I work at the community college for my area and we graduate a lot of people yearly many end up back in college getting another degree when the first didn't find them work.


Those, I'm guessing, would be the college grads in the bottom quartile or who have language, disability or soft skills issues.

Quote:
Kinda like most doctors are men but not all doctors are men puzzle question . Yes people with degrees earn more but not all people with degrees earn more. Irs has never asked me if I have a degree so not sure their data is wide enough like how would they know as taxes don't ask degrees they just go off your income.


No data disclosure to the IRS was required. The Feds used social security numbers to link individual students' loans to their actual incomes.

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2015/09/13/us ... ystem.html

My sense is that this methodology underestimates earnings since it is based on students who took out student loans only. It doesn't capture top students who got full ride scholarships or whose employers paid for their degree.



The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Sep 2015, 10:10 am

I've never heard of employers, even big firms, paying for full education.

What usually happens, is paying (usually a certain % or full) for a master's education or a certificate which is very specific and related to the employee's next assignment - it is viewed as a beneficial investment in an already experienced staff in their organization who would perform better than a whole new one of this speciality.
It's not something that common, and they would usually hook the employee by a contract before going on in this.

But paying for college education for a fresh school graduate? The kid has to be genius; like those teen genius hackers who got hired by big companies such as Sony and Google.
Check for a guy called "Geohotz", by age 19 he hacked iPhone and Playstation 3 security systems, and now he's working for FB or Google I think.
He doesn't really need education in programming; he is already master in it; but I am sure the big firms would pay for further education in this one.

Otherwise, you're dreaming.



hurtloam
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26 Sep 2015, 11:52 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1246008/Waiting-perfect-man-Mr-Second-Best-better-Mr-Nobody--I-know.htm

I hear a lot of single women justifying their chronic single status because they aren't finding Mr. Right - I wonder, is tha a common dilemma among over 30 single women?


Argh! The Daily Mail, my eyes are burning. Sorry, but I'm just not The Daily Mail's demographic.

Although I do agree that looking for "The Perfect Man" is stupid, because no such person exists. And I guess if you are the type that wants to settle down and have a family this advice would probably help, but I am not that kind of person. In fact that's what the writer sums up with:

Quote:
I think, like thousands of wise matchmakers and probably our grandparents before us, she's just saying that if children and a conventional stable home are something you want, stop day-dreaming about being fought over by Colin Firth and Hugh Grant and start dealing with the real men in front of you.


I am a-typical and the average man doesn't want someone who moves around as much as me and who comes from an eccentric family. They want stability and I don't and I can't provide that. Settling would kill me and just hurt the guy who wanted a quiet life. I'm starting to wonder if I even want someone who owns a house because I would hate to be tied down to that.

My absolute no no though, is the man must not be moody and aggressive, bearing in mind my mother has BPD and that was 20 years of living hell. That's my main thing that I won't compromise on. I really want someone laid back and non-judgemental. The only person I probably ever really loved was a very gentle person. I can't settle for an aggressive person. But then that's not what this is about is it? It's about settling down and building a family.

A man with "an alarming dress sense" does sound right up my street though. :D

And Darcy doesn't count. Elizabeth fell for him after seeing his mansion.



hurtloam
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26 Sep 2015, 12:27 pm

Why are we talking about how much people with degrees earn?

I found some interesting studies anyway.

Graduates can't find jobs in their field:
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/education/education-news/the-majority-of-uk-graduates-are-being-forced-into-non-graduate-work-says-study-10461206.html

However, those who obtained a degree at least 10 years ago are earning higher than those with no degree. Although, I wonder what the picture will be in 10 years time bearing in mind there don't seem to be enough jobs for all the people with degrees and those with fewer parental connections can't get a foot in the door because of nepotism. http://www.theguardian.com/money/2015/sep/24/women-with-degrees-earn-three-times-as-much-as-those-without

Edit - forgot to add the one about nepotism
http://www.theguardian.com/careers/2015/sep/17/keeping-it-in-the-family-is-nepotism-a-barrier-to-graduate-jobs



DitavonTeeth
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26 Sep 2015, 1:32 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I've never heard of employers, even big firms, paying for full education.

What usually happens, is paying (usually a certain % or full) for a master's education or a certificate which is very specific and related to the employee's next assignment - it is viewed as a beneficial investment in an already experienced staff in their organization who would perform better than a whole new one of this speciality.
It's not something that common, and they would usually hook the employee by a contract before going on in this.

But paying for college education for a fresh school graduate? The kid has to be genius; like those teen genius hackers who got hired by big companies such as Sony and Google.
Check for a guy called "Geohotz", by age 19 he hacked iPhone and Playstation 3 security systems, and now he's working for FB or Google I think.
He doesn't really need education in programming; he is already master in it; but I am sure the big firms would pay for further education in this one.

Otherwise, you're dreaming.


I agree and wasn't clear on my last post. If intended to say that companies will pick up the tab for a degree for a valued employee (not a kid out of high school) - like an executive MBA or MA in law. It's a perk that can be negotiated into a contract.



The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Sep 2015, 1:44 pm

The MBA's value in the job market is dwindling, it's a dying fad - like many other non-practical Phds.

Employers these days are seeking for real practical skills, and for degrees that give skills.



hurtloam
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26 Sep 2015, 2:28 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
The MBA's value in the job market is dwindling, it's a dying fad - like many other non-practical Phds.

Employers these days are seeking for real practical skills, and for degrees that give skills.


What I find interesting is different people's attitudes to degrees. When I started studying a practical course one of my parent's friends called it a "Mickey mouse degree" because it wasn't one of the traditional degrees such as English or History. However, I wanted to study something that would give me the skills for a job. I don't know how my life would have turned out if I had studied for an English degree (which was my first choice or Art History which I would have enjoyed), but I am employed as a computer programmer, so I did end up doing something related to the area of my studies.

The degree system was originally set up for rich kids of the upper classes and was never meant to teach practical skills. University education was all about bettering yourself and broadening your mind. It is strange that high school teachers sell kids the idea that you need a degree to get a job. That makes people think that a degree teaches them the skills needed for work in the real world, but that's not what a degree does. Obtaining a degree just proves that you know how to apply yourself and learn and that in itself can be something that employers want, in other words, they want hard workers, with maybe the exception of studying the sciences and medicine (I hope they do teach practical skills).



The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Sep 2015, 3:48 pm

hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
The MBA's value in the job market is dwindling, it's a dying fad - like many other non-practical Phds.

Employers these days are seeking for real practical skills, and for degrees that give skills.


What I find interesting is different people's attitudes to degrees. When I started studying a practical course one of my parent's friends called it a "Mickey mouse degree" because it wasn't one of the traditional degrees such as English or History. However, I wanted to study something that would give me the skills for a job. I don't know how my life would have turned out if I had studied for an English degree (which was my first choice or Art History which I would have enjoyed), but I am employed as a computer programmer, so I did end up doing something related to the area of my studies.

The degree system was originally set up for rich kids of the upper classes and was never meant to teach practical skills. University education was all about bettering yourself and broadening your mind. It is strange that high school teachers sell kids the idea that you need a degree to get a job. That makes people think that a degree teaches them the skills needed for work in the real world, but that's not what a degree does. Obtaining a degree just proves that you know how to apply yourself and learn and that in itself can be something that employers want, in other words, they want hard workers, with maybe the exception of studying the sciences and medicine (I hope they do teach practical skills).


It depends on the type of degree, Computer Science (I guess it's your major because you mentioned you're a programmer) is certainly not one of those theoretical majors but most of its courses are practical, it is what I would call a Skill major; Programming in specific needs constant learning. Certainly not different than Engineering and Medicine in that.

English is a skill major too, if someone wants to become a writer or English teacher (yet teaching is another skill by itself), I have no idea what's Art History.

Not let's take a look at something not so...practical, like PR or some broad areas in business like "Leadership" , these majors don't provide any skills really, MBA is also very generalist.

So really, I think the earning success is more correlated to the *choice* of degree and not to having any degree.



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27 Sep 2015, 1:06 am

I admit, my "Mr. Right" was VERY unrealistic.... but I found the man of my dreams. He's amazing as he is and doesn't need to be like some figment of my imagination to be a great lover.

My advice is to not have some sort of strict checklist of the kind of person you want to be with. You don't even know who the right person for you will be like, and they may be more amazing than what you could ever imagine.

I also don't understand this whole debate about education and how much money people make. What truly matters is the person, not the money. I would rather be dirt poor with the love of my life than be with some sugar daddy and feel empty. Remember that love has no borders, economic status, looks, and even gender. What matters is the person deep within. Beauty will fade, but a connection can last a lifetime.



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27 Sep 2015, 3:06 am

goofygoobers wrote:
My advice is to not have some sort of strict checklist of the kind of person you want to be with. You don't even know who the right person for you will be like, and they may be more amazing than what you could ever imagine.


But it can help unworthy suitors understand how dismally below your standards they are and feel like crap for it.

goofygoobers wrote:
I also don't understand this whole debate about education and how much money people make. What truly matters is the person, not the money. I would rather be dirt poor with the love of my life than be with some sugar daddy and feel empty. Remember that love has no borders, economic status, looks, and even gender. What matters is the person deep within. Beauty will fade, but a connection can last a lifetime.


Making money depends on how talented and hard-working the person is. Being dirt poor certainly says nothing good about them.

By the way, you can make your own living and career so you won’t be dirt poor with anyone. This will fade more slowly than beauty, too, and, if you do something truly great, your name will live on after your death.


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27 Sep 2015, 8:46 am

Spiderpig wrote:
goofygoobers wrote:
My advice is to not have some sort of strict checklist of the kind of person you want to be with. You don't even know who the right person for you will be like, and they may be more amazing than what you could ever imagine.


But it can help unworthy suitors understand how dismally below your standards they are and feel like crap for it.

goofygoobers wrote:
I also don't understand this whole debate about education and how much money people make. What truly matters is the person, not the money. I would rather be dirt poor with the love of my life than be with some sugar daddy and feel empty. Remember that love has no borders, economic status, looks, and even gender. What matters is the person deep within. Beauty will fade, but a connection can last a lifetime.


Making money depends on how talented and hard-working the person is. Being dirt poor certainly says nothing good about them.

By the way, you can make your own living and career so you won’t be dirt poor with anyone. This will fade more slowly than beauty, too, and, if you do something truly great, your name will live on after your death.


But even if someone is hard working and talented, it doesn't mean they'll be rich or have a great job. I'm not sure what country you're from, but in America, there's a lot of people having trouble finding jobs and if they do get one, it's something they're overqualified for. Just because someone is poor doesn't mean they're lazy or have no talent.



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27 Sep 2015, 9:02 am

The opposite can also be true. Usually you'd think success in your career and financial status are signs that are are hardworking, dedicated, goal-oriented, and other positive traits, when in some cases it really might be just a spoiled rich kid who had their parents pay their tuition and fees through university and even give them a job at daddy's company. People with their lives already set-out for them...



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27 Sep 2015, 9:03 am

I don't have enough data to make the case that this is standard, but I do have the story of my parents. now, my dad, he, like his father had hereditary aspergers, but not as extreme as Opa or me. anyway, Dad was a great man, made lots of friends, worked hard, always nice and helpful, understood when people struggled, volunteered all the time, new how to get things done, and was very romantic in his own way. now... was he mom's first choice? no. was he what mom even had in mind? no. had she been less rebellious she'd have been like her peers and gone for the more "man of the house" husband material available and expected at that time? probably, and unlike dad she had prior relationships. now the funny thing is, Dad wasn't the first choice, or even what mom had in mind, but she did the approach on him, got to know him, fell for him, and he with her. again, totally not who her family was expecting or wanted. but now, years after he died, my mom has reconnected with all her classmates, roommates and so on only the find that she was the ONLY one of them that had a wonderful marriage. many either married, divorced and remarried again, or married guys who were macho and grew up to be shit-bags. they were actually mad that her less conformed husband had little to no negative traits, save for the ones that made him interesting. they did actually bully her tastelessly commenting that his one flaw was that he was dead. (Mom was incredibly pissed off, and understandably when she told me about that).

but the point is, Dad wasn't the one who made the more that started their relationship, that was all mom, and if dad lived in today's day and age, without another person like mom, I think his end of the genepool would have ended with him, simply because people practically say I am his clone and yet, I seldom if ever get second glances from girls, save for ladies my mom's age, junior high students and women who are married with children. i mean, my existence was just the most f****d up chance of pure randomness and living as long as I have a seeing how bleak the dating world is, particularly for aspies... I am wondering if i am simple a fluke, something that wasn't supposed to happen.



DitavonTeeth
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27 Sep 2015, 10:15 am

Spiderpig wrote:
goofygoobers wrote:
My advice is to not have some sort of strict checklist of the kind of person you want to be with. You don't even know who the right person for you will be like, and they may be more amazing than what you could ever imagine.


But it can help unworthy suitors understand how dismally below your standards they are and feel like crap for it.

goofygoobers wrote:
I also don't understand this whole debate about education and how much money people make. What truly matters is the person, not the money. I would rather be dirt poor with the love of my life than be with some sugar daddy and feel empty. Remember that love has no borders, economic status, looks, and even gender. What matters is the person deep within. Beauty will fade, but a connection can last a lifetime.


Making money depends on how talented and hard-working the person is. Being dirt poor certainly says nothing good about them.

By the way, you can make your own living and career so you won’t be dirt poor with anyone. This will fade more slowly than beauty, too, and, if you do something truly great, your name will live on after your death.


I earn my own, very good, living, thankyouverymuch. I do not need anybody else's money. I do not, however, have any interest in dating any man who isn't independent and self-supporting. I would happily date a guy who did not have a degree but quite literally don't know anybody who doesn't have a degree.

To me, a degree isn't about how much you earn but rather that it gives you more say in how you choose to earn your living. I like having options. And work in a field unrelated to both my degrees (go figure).

I also think university and grad school are excellent preparation, proxies if you will, for having a job. Graduating college demonstrates that you were able to complete tasks to a standard set by someone else by a deadline you had little to no say in. It demonstrates an ability to navigate a bureaucracy and cooperate with others enough to graduate. It demonstrates the ability to persevere, because everyone has the odd terrible work group or professor or awful breakup over the course of four-year degree.