I Feel Like I Was Lead On

Post Reply New Topic

Sorry for the confusion. It was never stated that he wanted a flirtationship, that's just what I feel like our relationship was like.

I told him I like him and he said he didn't feel the same, we agreed to just be friends. Flirting has stopped for the most part, but he still acts jealous when I talk to other guys.

I don't expect anything to come of this, and I'm not sure I want it to now even if it could. I just wanted insight and to hear others opinions on his behavior.

Thanks for the advice. He seems to really like me as a friend, I think now it's best things stay that way. And it's not just me, even his mom said once she thinks he will never date anybody, so I guess it's just the way he is. Still, I wish he wouldn't have acted so flirty all the time if he only wanted to be friends. :/

I guess the thing that threw me off was him acting like he didn't want me to date other people and get jealous over other guys. If I only want to flirt with someone, I could care less if they date. That, and he has a reputation for not flirting with anybody. I guess I thought I was special to him.

From now on I'm not going to waste my time beating around the bush though. That's what I've taken from this experience.

Well yeah, unless the guy states verbatim that you're not important to him, you probably are special. In any case you're both still figuring out how to articulate all this. I agree with 886 though I'll add that there's probably more you're looking for here even simply as a friend.

I think the reality is that anybody can experience the same things we aspies do and here it seems like that's getting you down on yourself - what I do is remind myself I'm lucky that I have any friends this close at all. Things are really only as crazy as we make them.

I have had this happen to me before, and it is very frustrating. I think what's happening, is that he is getting some of his emotional needs met with you, but his romantic interest level isn't high enough to actually go out with you. When he sees other guys showing interest in you, he probably fears that they will take his emotional connection away.

As I have tried to tell others before on this site, if you are not romantically interested in someone, don't string them along, especially if you know that they are interested in you. This is exactly what happens.

This. Do you really want to spend your life being this guy's fallback option? He may very well be confused, but he is not showing you respect by actually telling you what is going on in his head.

This kind of relationship can suck all the energy out of you. Are you neglecting school/work because you are spending all your energy monitoring this situation?

I'm not consciously in the habit of leading anybody on, it's much easier to let women know when I'm sure we're both preoccupied & it's best to think about this stuff one day at a time. It's simpler to make peace with the fact some people are more romantic than others than it is to think in extremes. Considering what I see in the news all the time I think everyone should make a greater effort to get along... Starting with all of us here/IRL.

This is exactly what I feel like has been happening. That's why I finally decided to pull the trigger and tell him how I felt.

Now the problem I have is that I still want to be friends but it's hard, especially since he doesn't seem to respect my boundaries the way I respect his. I think I need to learn to assert myself more.

Also, I still like him, and hanging around with him, I feel like I can't get over him. I feel a little angry too, that he says he hasn't done anything and he tries to put everything on me. I guess I'd feel better if we could talk openly about it, but when I tried to tell him before he acted dodgy and defensive.

And on top of things, we have to see each other all the time because of shared events.

I agree with the things you've said.

I just wish we could at least talk about it or something, because I feel like he's disrespecting me a little, by doing things like scaring boys off from me. Once he told me he didn't like me that way, I've stopped flirting with him. But he must know I still deserve a romantic relationship with somebody, even if it's not him.

And he says he knew I liked him even before I told him, and he still kept doing those things even though he doesn't want a relationship, and he thought I did.

Yes, it's very frustrating, especially since he told me he already suspected I liked him, but continued the behavior. I think he may just not want a romantic relationship with anyone, from what I gather. I guess it was enjoyable for him having somebody to flirt with, but knowing he didn't need to take things further.

And he knows I have self esteem issues and social anxiety, so I guess he figured I'd be too afraid to ever tell him I liked him.

I know you said you see him all the time, but I would at least try to distance myself emotionally from him, if possible. In the meantime, If you find someone else that you are interested in, I wouldn't let him hold you back (considering that he doesn't want to have a relationship with you, he really doesn't have any rights over you).

i wholeheartedly second this.

Jealousy is a common thing that occurs in many relationships, and it doesn't always happen because a partner is controlling and abusive. Sometimes there are legitimate reasons for people feel that way. That being said, they are just friends, and he told her he doesn't want a romantic relationship with her, so he definitely doesn't have a right to act that way.

He is then either denying his feelings or he's being selfish.

Unless he tells you whether he is actually interested or he just enjoys feeling wanted, it's very hard to know what is going on.

However, you know how *you* feel, what makes *you* happy and what *you* want to do with your life.

There are people who would tell you to only focus on education/career, but I would say that there are situations in which it makes sense to prioritize a relationship. Married people make sacrifices all the time.

There is very little point in making sacrifices for a guy who doesn't even want to be your boyfriend, though.

Underwater describes exactly how I'm living lately...