Should I End This Relationship?

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The one thing I have learned in life is that I am worthy of respect. I give and give like you, but I stand my ground. If a man thinks I am not worthy, he can take a hike. Your story reminds me of my ex, he thought I'd beg him...instead I calmly put a stop to it and filed for divorce 5 days after he left our house. He thought he could scare me into being who he wanted me to be and I said no more. Ever since, I stand my ground. I'd rather be a witch, than a pushover. Look at yourself and understand you are worthy of respect. Put a stop to it. Don't even break up. Just don't answer his calls and move on, that's what he deserves.

I highly suggest the book In The Meantime by Yvanla Vanzant...best book I ever read to help me put myself first. Hugs!

PS for 4 years after I divorced that idiot, he came after me...everytime I treated him nicely and told him it was now his time to learn a lesson...

Thank you for all of the replies! His behaviour began to show within a month of meeting him and has mostly stayed the same since then. I was straight out of my previous 13 year abusive relationship so maybe I was already beaten down. He would go crazy if I was even 5 minutes late chatting to him on the computer. I was surprised and upset but already a mess so clung on to him.

He would refuse to answer texts / phone calls or would leave my house and go home if I made him angry, although he would make me speak for hours every day on the phone or PC. He ignored my children (I have two), and flew into a rage one day when my son was eating snacks in his car (he had a no food or drink in the car rule and I didn't realise my son was eating). He got us both out of his car and drove off. When my daughter got a little pen mark on his leather car seat he screamed and ranted until I managed to get the mark off. Little things like that happened at first. then he started with the name calling, which shocked me and hurt real bad.

He used to make me lists of what I had to achieve each day and screamed every night that I hadn't done good enough, hadn't done enough. God forbid if I hadn't completed all of my list.

He hates that we don't go on enough holidays, and he hates that we don't do enough. When I try to ask what he wants to do he tells me to think of things, but whatever I think of he dismisses as not something he's interested in.

I think the stone walling that he has practiced has been the main thing that has kept my self esteem down as I find it beyond hurtful and confusing. Because of this I'm scared to complain or put my point across, even though he won't let me on the odd occasion I try to stick up for myself.

Most of the time I'm scared to talk at all as he hates what comes out of my mouth. He forever tells me that he doesn't think the relationship is working but he never finishes it.

I have had loads of counselling regarding this relationship but I can't seem to realise that it is bad. I know it is, but I feel it's my fault for being such a failure. I look up to his accomplishments, to the point he seems almost God like.

Sorry for the long answer. The short answer is that his temper has remained pretty much the same.

Narcissism. Nobody builds cars with leather seats for any reasons other than durability. It's been that way since the turn of the last century. That's why a Rolls Royce with linen inside is worth more. Those aren't his accomplishments if he can't explain his work or his car. I'm a coder & I buy luxury cars to use like trucks. If this guy's so focused on his appearance that he'll get critical of one pen mark on a car interior that was designed to withstand 15 years of coffee stains, I think he's plenty superficial to fake his way through the tech world. You're not describing a developer per se, only an egomaniac. Legitimate technical info might convince me otherwise but he strikes me as fraudulent. No matter how much these guys build, there's no getting along with them. They usually end up screaming into their iPhones about either more venture capital funding or who they'd love to fire next.

Just tell him I feel sorry for his coworkers. Honestly if I were you I'd slash his tires so he won't follow. He comes off a bit like Steve Jobs, who was an acid head deadbeat dad Benz owner with millions in his pockets and no design, technical or artistic skill save for what he exploited.

The reason why I asked whether his behavior had been getting worse was the worry that the abuse was escalating - and you know it's abuse even though he's not hitting you, don't you? Breaking up with a guy like that can get unpleasant; it's important not to drag out the process.

You don't need a bunch of people on the internet telling you that you need to cut the guy out of your life; you know it very well already. You've been in an abusive relationship before, you know how it works. The way you list all the stuff he does means you are aware,

Seriously? Have you asked his colleagues what he's like to work with? Cberg has the right idea. Come on, the world is full of successful people who don't treat their girlfriends like s**t. I'm sure it's very pleasant for him to have someone who looks up to him like a god, but it's not very healthy for either him or you. Could you be with some guy who was less successful, but a lot nicer? Could you be on your own? Can you find some ideas in the adult section of the forum for dealing with your sex drive?

If you read a bunch of old threads on this forum you'll find that there are plenty of people who have totally ok relationships, and a bunch of people who are a lot happier on their own than with someone abusive.

What worries me is that you let him mistreat your kids. Is he mistreating your dog as well? Would you want someone to treat your son or daughter the way he treats you? If the answer is no (and I assume it is), why should you deserve to be treated any worse than someone you love?

Don't you deserve to have some fun for once in your life?

That fact that he is acting crazy, abusive and a jerk in front of your children is the last straw for me.

It's bad enough that he's being this way to you, but there are also children witnessing a grownup acting this way.

You do realize that kids seeing the adults in their life modeling this kind of behavior to them, passively teaches them that it's acceptable?

Your kids are in danger of growing up thinking it's okay to treat THEIR partners like this, or that it's okay to BE TREATED like this.

They are watching their mother be mistreated and emotionally bullied and abused right in front of them, and this will start to sink into their minds that it's okay because apparently Mom just takes it.

And yes, it IS abuse even when it's not hitting. This guy is bullying you, angered at you, insults you and berates you, screams at your kids for messing up the car, and he even dumped you and your child on the side of the road.

For pete's sake, get away from this!!

I'm not fooling around -- this guy needs to be out of your life ASAP. The damage this is doing to yours and your kids emotional well being and all of your concepts of emotional health, is already probably substantial and you need to cut your losses now.

You know that this is true.

This guy is NOT a god! He's a total jerk and he's affecting even your children's points of view in life. They are seeing stuff that will warp their own self esteem in the future.

For future reference, I'd be happy to show OP cheap deals on nice cars or teach her some software architecture. I think we might be aiming low, why not become better at absolutely everything this grouchy dude does?

DUMP HIM!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !
How does he make you feel????
Do you want to continue to feel that way?
Abuse ALWAYS gets worse!! !
This is a loose loose for you!! !!
He is an insecure low life that gets his ego fix off of devaluing you. Calling you names and mistreating you helps to feed his ego. This will only get worse because eventually the name calling won't be enough. Leave while you still can!! !
Oh and don't forget about the well being of your children!! ! Do you want them to be subjected to abuse too???
dump him!! !!

You should dump him. He does not sound like he is on the spectrum- he sounds more like a psychopath. I've dealt with psychopaths before and they are merciless people and you should get away from him as soon as possible. These types of individuals actually take pleasure in putting others down and making them feel stupid/unworthy/confused. It's like a sport to them. It is better to be on your own than to be with this guy.

He doesn't want a partner, a girlfriend, or any kind of equal. He wants someone he can dominate and beat without raising a hand. Abusing someone that way can land you in jail. Doing to you what he's doing doesn't.

Even from here I can tell that he actively enjoys the way he treats you. It isn't something that will ever get better. If you were to become a multimillionaire tomorrow, you'd still be a piece of s**t to him, because that's what he needs you to be.

Put your own needs first and get out of that relationship. If you need sex, buy some toys. You need therapy or a support group to deal with issues around obsessing about having a relationship.

Take your life back.

Melissa, how are you?
What is going on in your life?

Nothing you do can *make* him do anything. He's an adult, he makes his own choices. He could also chose to walk away, but he doesn't.

Smudge's advice is excellent. How long is it since you were on your own and having a good time?

Being alone is the much better option than putting up with a guy like him.

Hard as it might be you need to get away from this man. Imagine if your grand daughter came to you as an adult and described her partner behaving in a similar way and asked you for advice. What would you say to her?