The friendzone is an absurd concept

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There's an easy solution: Stop hanging out with the girl who strings you along.

Any girl who tells you you'll never have a girlfriend clearly is NOT your friend.

Yeah, but hangs out with girls who would never take advantage of men in any kind of way...sort of like myself..

just dub it "the platonic stage" everyone lives.

What do you mean?

Phew, for a decade there I thought I had a crazy dating history.

You can't know who is stringing you along until you're already strung. Hence why the problem spills over to those who are not stringing the guy along on purpose but just don't realize they're doing it anyway... and end up with a burnt friendship in the end and no clue why it happened.

There's also the very probable possibility of a guy becoming a friend with a girl...then WITH The TIME he spends with her, he starts to be attracted to her, to liking her and falling for her.

It is not always the case of a guy who pretended to be wanting friendship while he had other motifs.

But it seems this is something that most women don't quite understand? maybe because they are incapable to develop attraction toward someone with time? They either like him from the beginning or never ever? It seems to be this case to my observation; I recall there was a scientific evidence that women judge quickly within minutes of first meeting the man whether he is a potential romance or never ever.

That's why you see way more guys willing to go for a second date than girls; that also probably why you see way more guys falling for their female friends than the other way.

I wonder how people can consider someone a friend if they can’t discuss these issues openly with them to prevent misunderstandings and their consequences.

I don't hang around girls like that. In fact I call them out on their bs.

The guy asks. She does not say yes or no. I'd say at that point its quite clear to her what his position is. That's where it all starts, be it purposeful manipulation or not.

Yeah, she should definitely answer him..
Because this type of question is not the type to be answered "I don't know" IMHO.

Many people don't like openly discussing their intentions and desires though, and this presents a problem. Also, situations vary. Perhaps it's a male who meets a female and gets to know her but is not rejected properly. Perhaps it's a male and female who were initially 'just friends' but one developed feelings for the other.

I just may be soon going through something similar myself, as I recently revealed my feelings to a girl who use to go to my school before she had to leave, and she revealed she had a crush on me too. Now we're getting to know each other as friends, just simply talking online, and she's planning to visit town for a month too and we are planning to hang-out.

I will be honest and say I'd be fine with being either friends or giving each other a shot, but I feel hesitant about revealing this and don't know if it would be a good idea or if it would scare her off.

What I want to say is that I am interested in getting to know her, and that I'm not totally against the idea of 'future possibilities'. I want to essentially say that, 'When it comes to me and you, I just want to hang out with you, have fun, and see just where this goes, that's all. I don't want to talk about it or anything, let's just see what happens." And I want to talk to her about it in real life, not yet online.

The thing is, we do have a great distance between us but she does want to return to her hometown and only left because she was forced to (family issues, etc.). I am moving but will still be very close to the town, meaning if she does end up living there again eventually, we'd still be able to see each other often.

So, should I just keep quiet, or should I say something? My plan is to get to know her and see what happens in the next 6-12 months.

Tough call. Thing is I'd like to know her goals/intentions as well, that's why I feel this is something that needs to be discussed. I mean she's the one that specifically wanted to arrange a 'hang out'. I just said something vague like 'maybe we might maybe meet again maybe' and she insisted she was going to contact me when she's in town to hang out.

Any advice?

No. I'd never even get the idea of being friend with somebody I have a romantic interest for. That's just creepy. Being friends and romantic interest is not on the same page. Besides, it's a huge mistake to assume that if you have a crush on a girl, that being friends with her will increase the chances of her being or becoming mutually interested, and it's likely to end up terribly bad when she rejects you and offers to stay friends.



It won't exactly help things to become friends. The only thing you do with that move is to communicate that you have no romantic interest and want a pure friendship. Unless you show something else in your nonverbal communication that makes her think otherwise.



Strange behavior. How could anybody think that would work?

I surely can be friends with women, but I won't go that route if I have even the slightest of romantic intentions.



I think you are right about that, and it is a terrible mistake for a guy to make to become friends with a girl because he think that will lead to a relationship.

So the guy should decide how long he’s willing to wait for her to make up her mind, and then either consider her a friend for real, and give up on any other kind of relationship with her, or forget her entirely. You can control only your own actions.

I’m starting to think this is one of the many reasons why friendship looks so alien to me, at least the way most people seem to understand it.

I'll let my strange behavior remain unexplained. As strange things are supposed to be things that don't make sense, for some reason, which seems ideal in this situation.

And your route is just one of many possibilities.

Being friends with women is not necessarily a bad thing.

The problem is when the man becomes an "orbiter" who the woman keeps stringing along where he hopes that he will some day get with her, and tries to court her in a wussy way by buying her stuff, showering her with compliments and acting all "nice" to her, and she sees that by reacting in certain ways, she can keep him doing favors for her without her having to get romantic with him. I.e she can dangle the carrot before his eyes and keep him walking on a treadmill without him ever getting to it.
Many women who do this will also complain about the men they're actually sleeping with, how those men are all a-holes, and how the person they are stringing along is such a nice man who will make a woman very happy one day to subtly motivate him to keep acting like a naive dunce and buy her stuff.

If you want to get in a relationship, you need to make your intentions clear from the get go, or you will get categorized. Once that has happened, it is difficult to move from that category to romance.

It's social dynamics like this which just makes me not get into trying to establish a relationship with women because I simply don't want to involve myself in this way of thinking.

I don't want to play a stupid game or be the one who is the most cynical emotional manipulator. If that is the price of getting in a relationship, then that relationship is abusive and fake. We all know what happens when you're being "nice" too so it's best just not to bother with it at all IMO.

I think it's f*****g funny though, now that I approach my 30s, to see women my age who have become single mothers or whose biological clock is ticking suddenly show interest in me.
You've seen the memes they post on facebook too, about how they used to be a party girl, but now they want a nice man. All of a sudden as they reach their mid to late 20s, they do a 180 turn. Strange.