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Friend Zoned: A Woman's Tale

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androbot01
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20 Oct 2015, 4:13 pm

hurtloam wrote:
No you can stay friends. I have a couple of male friends who are 20 years older than me who I kinda think if we were the same age there would be more there, but, yeah well, the age thing

Yeah.
Fnord wrote:
@androbot01: In my opinion, no one else should tell you what to do. It's YOUR relationship, not theirs.

Fair enough.
kraftiekortie wrote:
Really, if you DO have a love relationship, it's legal--and there's nothing wrong with it! You are both full-grown adults. You said that he doesn't want to take it further--but who knows? Maybe he'll change his mind!

I can hope. He's a cutie.

SilverStar wrote:
I know they say do what makes you happy, and to hell with everyone else, but I've been in a similar situation before, and trust me, other people will give you crap about it...constantly. So, if both of you are up to dealing with strange looks from strangers, and all of the mommy figure, jail-bait, cradle-robber, and cougar comments, then go for it.

I wouldn't be bothered by that. People pretty much give me weirdo looks all the time anyway.
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I don't think androbot was offended by the cougar comment - it was a reference to her being the older (fact) hence more experienced and a hint for her to do the first move.

It turned out she did, and he rejected her - I dont think anything further can be done, noble guys, no means no.

Alas, 'tis true. One can't make someone feel something they don't.



nurseangela
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20 Oct 2015, 8:27 pm

androbot01 wrote:
My feelings are slightly inappropriate as the object of my lustful thoughts is 17 years younger than me at 28 years old. We kinda have a vibe, and I think if our ages were closer we might have something going on. He is in his prime and has lots of mates. I am aging and prefer to be on my own for the most part. So I'm doing what I do with any compulsive thoughts. Acknowledging them and moving on moment to moment.

I know mostly this happens to guys, but thought I'd share that it sucks when it happens to a woman too.

And I use the term friend zoned deliberately as we do remain friends. And that's great because being in his company is enjoyable.


I'm kinda in the same boat with me and my Aspie friend. I keep trying to just think of us as friends because I'm 12 years older than him and I'm tired of the "cougar" comments. Why is it that men can go for younger women and no one thinks anything about it? I just saw several couples that got married in this one thing I was reading and the men were all older than the women and some by 11 yrs or more. Shouldn't the guy be younger since women are said to live longer? Even my own Ma believes the guy should be older. I want a younger stud muffin! I may have a little bit of snow on top that I'm sure to keep dyed every month, but I also have a fire in the furnace! Maybe I need a young stud to keep up with me! :mrgreen:


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Oct 2015, 1:00 am

nurseangela wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
My feelings are slightly inappropriate as the object of my lustful thoughts is 17 years younger than me at 28 years old. We kinda have a vibe, and I think if our ages were closer we might have something going on. He is in his prime and has lots of mates. I am aging and prefer to be on my own for the most part. So I'm doing what I do with any compulsive thoughts. Acknowledging them and moving on moment to moment.

I know mostly this happens to guys, but thought I'd share that it sucks when it happens to a woman too.

And I use the term friend zoned deliberately as we do remain friends. And that's great because being in his company is enjoyable.


I'm kinda in the same boat with me and my Aspie friend. I keep trying to just think of us as friends because I'm 12 years older than him and I'm tired of the "cougar" comments. Why is it that men can go for younger women and no one thinks anything about it? I just saw several couples that got married in this one thing I was reading and the men were all older than the women and some by 11 yrs or more. Shouldn't the guy be younger since women are said to live longer? Even my own Ma believes the guy should be older. I want a younger stud muffin! I may have a little bit of snow on top that I'm sure to keep dyed every month, but I also have a fire in the furnace! Maybe I need a young stud to keep up with me! :mrgreen:

Quote:
Why is it that men can go for younger women and no one thinks anything about it?


Because women are largely so strict about not dating even 1 year younger men (look at dating sites) so when people see an older woman with a younger guy, it's rarity.



The Grand Inquisitor
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21 Oct 2015, 3:21 am

nurseangela wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
My feelings are slightly inappropriate as the object of my lustful thoughts is 17 years younger than me at 28 years old. We kinda have a vibe, and I think if our ages were closer we might have something going on. He is in his prime and has lots of mates. I am aging and prefer to be on my own for the most part. So I'm doing what I do with any compulsive thoughts. Acknowledging them and moving on moment to moment.

I know mostly this happens to guys, but thought I'd share that it sucks when it happens to a woman too.

And I use the term friend zoned deliberately as we do remain friends. And that's great because being in his company is enjoyable.


I'm kinda in the same boat with me and my Aspie friend. I keep trying to just think of us as friends because I'm 12 years older than him and I'm tired of the "cougar" comments. Why is it that men can go for younger women and no one thinks anything about it? I just saw several couples that got married in this one thing I was reading and the men were all older than the women and some by 11 yrs or more. Shouldn't the guy be younger since women are said to live longer? Even my own Ma believes the guy should be older. I want a younger stud muffin! I may have a little bit of snow on top that I'm sure to keep dyed every month, but I also have a fire in the furnace! Maybe I need a young stud to keep up with me! :mrgreen:


Maybe it's because women are known to mature faster than men (well, during the puberty stages anyway). Maybe it's because not so long ago, it was strictly the man's role to take care and provide for his woman. Perhaps it's because the dating world hasn't caught up with gender equality (men are still GENERALLY tasked with initiating and paying for dates with women), and men find it less intimidating to talk to younger women, therefore, more men initiate relationships with younger women and it becomes a social/cultural norm. Maybe men are generally more attracted to younger women, and thus tend to go for them more than older women. Since men are more often than not the ones to make the first move, they get to choose who to make the first move on. Perhaps it's because older men can still have children with younger women whereas older women are less likely to be able to produce children.

Guess there are a number of reasons for the double standard. Maybe there wouldn't be one if it wasn't seen as the man's responsibility to initiate everything, who knows?



Vomelche
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21 Oct 2015, 3:27 pm

Were you looking for a short term or long term relationship with the guy?



androbot01
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21 Oct 2015, 4:15 pm

Vomelche wrote:
Were you looking for a short term or long term relationship with the guy?

I am so totally infatuated it's sad. What I want is to marry him and live into old age together. That's the endorphins talking. I suppose I am looking for mutual enjoyment of each other for however long it lasts. But I think he's already hit that point. He is a young player, into all sorts of mischief. I'm slowly making my way down the descending slope of the mountain.
He is still nice to me though, which I think is gracious. He gives me rides home from work as I am on his way. We chat pleasantly.
I'm not making any stupid cougarish moves as I value his acquaintance more.



The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Oct 2015, 4:28 pm

Is this a fair friendship?

No

A friendzoning friendship is never fair.

Distant yourself from it - that what a girl I friendzoned actually did, and I understand why she did it.



androbot01
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21 Oct 2015, 4:37 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Is this a fair friendship?

No

A friendzoning friendship is never fair.

Distant yourself from it - that what a girl I friendzoned actually did, and I understand why she did it.

I think it is a fair friendship.
We both know where we stand. And it is acceptable to both of us.



The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Oct 2015, 4:38 pm

androbot01 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Is this a fair friendship?

No

A friendzoning friendship is never fair.

Distant yourself from it - that what a girl I friendzoned actually did, and I understand why she did it.

I think it is a fair friendship.
We both know where we stand. And it is acceptable to both of us.


Say that again without sobbing.



androbot01
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21 Oct 2015, 4:40 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Is this a fair friendship?

No

A friendzoning friendship is never fair.

Distant yourself from it - that what a girl I friendzoned actually did, and I understand why she did it.

I think it is a fair friendship.
We both know where we stand. And it is acceptable to both of us.


Say that again without sobbing.

You're funny. :D

Past sobbing now. It's not like it was the first time.



The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Oct 2015, 4:48 pm

androbot01 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Is this a fair friendship?

No

A friendzoning friendship is never fair.

Distant yourself from it - that what a girl I friendzoned actually did, and I understand why she did it.

I think it is a fair friendship.
We both know where we stand. And it is acceptable to both of us.


Say that again without sobbing.

You're funny. :D

Past sobbing now. It's not like it was the first time.


Hmm, why don't you try to approach men who are more...well..attainable?

Like, you know, some nice fella close to your age, and not some hot young player surrounded by hotties?

It's about time I think to rethink of your standards and preferences.



androbot01
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21 Oct 2015, 5:01 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Is this a fair friendship?

No

A friendzoning friendship is never fair.

Distant yourself from it - that what a girl I friendzoned actually did, and I understand why she did it.

I think it is a fair friendship.
We both know where we stand. And it is acceptable to both of us.


Say that again without sobbing.

You're funny. :D

Past sobbing now. It's not like it was the first time.


Hmm, why don't you try to approach men who are more...well..attainable?

Like, you know, some nice fella close to your age, and not some hot young player surrounded by hotties?

It's about time I think to rethink of your standards and preferences.


I don't have standards and preferences and I don't go around approaching men. I'm not looking for guy x. I just happen to find myself really liking this guy.



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21 Oct 2015, 10:40 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I don't think androbot was offended by the cougar comment - it was a reference to her being the older (fact) hence more experienced and a hint for her to do the first move.

It turned out she did, and he rejected her - I dont think anything further can be done, noble guys, no means no.


She shouldn't be, as those were just words of encouragement. :wink: The lady I was with, had family members giving her the "cougar" crap, and complaining about our age difference all the time, which was one of the main reasons for us breaking up. That is why I said other people can be as*holes.