Trying too Hard in Relationships

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I've had exhausting relationships, the one my first year of college was particularly one sided...like I felt I was putting all the effort into keeping some semblance of a relationship going since after the first initial times we hung out he seemed to only want to get together for short periods of time for sex or other intimate activities. And seemed the harder I tried the less we communicated until he just kind of stopped talking to me and I stopped talking to him.

I had one in highschool, which I think I just wasn't ready to have a boyfriend I liked the guy but just couldn't do it I think in that area I was just too immature still.

And of course one a few years ago in fact this guy who may have been on the spectrum, or it may have just been other issues he had. I tried really hard to satisfy and be there for the guy(he felt rather lonely and like the world had taken a crap on him, which I tried very hard to be supportive and make him feel it would be alright). Then he broke up with me because of some old 'crush' that he never really pursued contacted him out of the blue. From the way he described it sounded like she had sort of played with his feelings before only to 'lose contact again' once before. But it was his choice.

Those were the most exhausting, but none of my past relationships were really all that great. Its not exhausting like that at all with my current boyfriend...I don't have to try to appear attentive and engaged because I actually am though it helps our interests and such sort of correlate quite a bit. I don't know if he's neurotypical or not all I know is I feel more comfortable around him than any other guy I've dated...so just hard to think of how neurological status factors in.

I think the most exhausting thing about relationships, is being around people that are not compatible with yourself. When you are with the right ones, things tend to flow much easier. That being said, any relationship still requires some work and effort, though.

Why is ok for your gf/bf to help make you happy but not ok if your single and want a bf/gf to help make you happy.

If your gf/bf makes you happy, you should break up , only be with people you'd be just as happy if they weren't there. After all happiness should never come from others.

It certainly can feel that way. Usually that's a sign that things aren't working out the way that they should, however. A good relationship should not require so much effort that you dislike being in it.

Relationships with other aspies often can be the easiest going relationships, actually. I've certainly found this to be the case. But that isn't to say a relationship will work just because both are aspies.

THE RECIPE: A tongue in cheek guide to a work-free relationship:

You both have similar levels of sociability.
You both want sex at about equal frequency (and of an equal level of ...umm... creativity).
You both can communicate your needs and negotiate without rancor.

Oh, and for long term stability you need to avoid events that would change your relationship needs. So.....

Neither of you is subject to bouts of depression or any other transient mental illness.
You're both sterile and/or hate kids with an undying passion.
You're both in dead-end jobs so that neither suddenly finds they have more stress/responsibility that changes their needs at home.
You're both orphans or estranged from your family so that neither of you have to deal with caring for and/or loss of a close relative.

I'm sure I've missed some.

There's a distinction that's being missed -- if you're single, you're certainly entitled to want a BF/gf to make you happy... but whether you find one or not is only partly within your control. So choosing to base your happiness on something that might not happen? Ugh.

If you're coupled up, wanting your BF/gf to make you happy (or not actively unhappy) is a reasonable expectation. If your BF/gf is making you less happy than you'd be single, then you'd probably be better off single.