Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Feeling unwanted hurts

Page 2 of 2 [ 28 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Previous topic | Next topic

MissBearpolar
Raven
Raven

Joined: 24 Oct 2015
Age: 44
Posts: 107

24 Oct 2015, 1:35 pm

^^ yes, agreed. Structure of sentences is off, almost as if English isn't the mother tongue.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,045
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

24 Oct 2015, 1:38 pm

Well...that's probably something only native English speakers can see apparently.



Stalk
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2012
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,138

24 Oct 2015, 4:33 pm

Have you noticed that these friends that say you did nothing wrong. Are they interested in you?



Ecomatt91
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Apr 2015
Posts: 818

24 Oct 2015, 4:52 pm

Stalk wrote:
Have you noticed that these friends that say you did nothing wrong. Are they interested in you?


Yea well they told me they currently seeing someone or wanting to stay single because they are working on their own problems.

Like I said before. It always that being 'interested' is they are not available. I come across emotionally stable and mature women no matter what age (can be 23 or 30) are already with someone. They always want to stay single too, despite anxiety and depression being prevalent in our generation these days.

Some of them calls me cute, sweet, attractive in any way and that. But still they are not available.



MissBearpolar
Raven
Raven

Joined: 24 Oct 2015
Age: 44
Posts: 107

24 Oct 2015, 6:17 pm

This is probably a nosy question, but is English your first language?

Once another commenter flagged it, I can't unsee your odd sentence construction. It's not bad spelling or typing that omits punctuation... it's missing verbs, linkages and sentences that don't make any sense.

For the non-English speaking among us, my attempt at correcting this post. Changes in caps, plus punctuation added:

Quote:
Yea well they told me they currently seeing someone or wanting to stay single because they are working on their own problems.


Yea, well, they told me they ARE currently seeing someone or wanting to stay single because they are working on their own problems.

Quote:
Like I said before. It always that being 'interested' is they are not available. I come across emotionally stable and mature women no matter what age (can be 23 or 30) are already with someone. They always want to stay single too, despite anxiety and depression being prevalent in our generation these days.


Note: This paragraph make no sense, so I more or less rewrote it.

Like I said before, THEY SAY that THEY WOULD BE 'interested' IN A GUY LIKE ME BUT they aren't ACTUALLY SINGLE. I AM TOLD I come across as emotionally stable and mature BY WOMEN AGED 23 TO 30, BUT THESE WOMEN ARE ALREADY IN RELATIONSHIPS OR THEY AREN'T INTERESTED IN DATING RIGHT RIGHT NOW... PERHAPS DUE TO THE anxiety and depression prevalent in our generation.

Quote:
Some of them calls me cute, sweet, attractive in any way and that. But still they are not available.


Some of MY FEMALE FRIENDS TELL ME I'M cute, sweet AND attractive. BUT THEY STILL DO NOT WANT TO DATE ME.



Ecomatt91
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Apr 2015
Posts: 818

24 Oct 2015, 9:16 pm

Sorry, I am like that when I am angry or sad.

I can't edit it now unfortunately.



Phemto
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

Joined: 7 Sep 2015
Posts: 217
Location: Gaitherburg MD

25 Oct 2015, 5:51 am

Is auslan your first language? I know there is not a complete mapping to English.



Ecomatt91
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Apr 2015
Posts: 818

25 Oct 2015, 6:09 am

Phemto wrote:
Is auslan your first language? I know there is not a complete mapping to English.


You got that right. I was in hearing support unit at my primary school. Spent K to 6 in that unit. I learned auslan through others, who were older than me. I learned to speak through similar program and as well my family.



AR1500
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

Joined: 27 Oct 2015
Age: 40
Posts: 229
Location: Unknown

29 Oct 2015, 4:29 pm

Ecomatt91 wrote:
MrsMartians wrote:
I don't think you make girlfriends. At least, not live ones :D .

Clearly, you're not doing everything right or you wouldn't be having as little success as you are. Unless the friends that are telling you that you're doing everything right are VERY close friends, close enough that they're willing to tell you the truth (which usually isn't easy to hear)... you're getting platitudes. Little white lies to spare your feelings, ie you're doing stuff wrong and they're not dear enough friends to tell you the truth. It's also possible you're a superficially socially successful aspie.

If your current therapist is telling you you're doing everything right, yet nothing's changed and you're very unhappy about the state of your love life, maybe, just maybe, it's time for a new therapist.

The questions I've got for you are:

1. How often do you see friends each week one-on-one or in small, privately arranged groups? Ie not as part of an open invitation to a public meetup/club event.

2. How long have you known your best friend? How often do you chat/get together?

3. How long have you known your closest female friend? How often do you chat/get together?


It already have been different therapists and that. I been to like ten different ones over past few years.

I have plenty friends, ranging from acquaintances to good friends. They all say exactly same thing. I asked them if they are honest and they said yes. They are very honest with me.

1. Once to twice, sometimes three times a week. I mostly have female friends. They asked me, sometimes I asked them to hang out in one-on-one. It wasn't hard to get this to happen, apart from open invitation.

2. I have a best friend for 12 years, he lives in different city. What I am here is I don't have anyone close but they are good friends because of similar interests and stuff. They told me I am inspiring them.

3. Never had a close female friend. I never been close at all.



Here's the deal: When you follow peoples suggestions and are "doing everything right(according to them)" but you still aren't getting results, it means you're trying too hard. And as they say, the harder you try the dumber you look. Why? Because it makes you seem desperate; and desperation is particularly repulsive to women. Meeting people IRL may not work for you. I really think you're best option is to use online dating and keep at it until you get results. You can also use online social networking sites to make friends.

And honestly, your stance on sex workers sounds like you have a moral objection to it and/or it's an ego blow. If it's the latter and not the former then perhaps you should swallow your pride and just do it. If you don't, that's fine with me.



Non_Passerine
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jul 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 241

04 Nov 2015, 6:00 pm

realitypill wrote:
Book a trip to the Philippines, and your lack of intimacy will be solved OVERNIGHT. I can't get laid either in my home country, but in the Philippines I'm treated like a sex god.


My dream husband might move to the Philippines for a family business, and I'm afraid of losing the race to the altar if that happens. He's had FWBs, but I want marriage. (But that's a different subject for a different thread)



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,907
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

04 Nov 2015, 6:50 pm

It sounds like its meeting people IRL that isn't working, maybe something about you makes you seem unapproachable. Do your female friends or any male friends actually observe when you attempt to interact with a female you're intrested to see? I mean if you have friends obviously you're doing something right socially....but friends are familiar with you and any quirks so it is going to be difficult for them to see subtle things that might be more obvious to others.

I say in that case attempting online dating, in an attempt to meet someone in person might be something to try. I have lots of trouble initiating interactions in real life or gauging how intrested in me someone is initially and then don't know how to proceed. I find the online option removes that awkward part of a first IRL conversation...and allows you to get more familiar with someone before meeting them so there isn't so much pressure to make the best first impression ever.

And the profiles let you see what people are intrested, what kind of lifestyle they have, how they look and such and send messages to women who seem compatible as far as those things are concerned. Make sure your profile gives a good indication of those things about you as well so you may get messages and will be more likely to get responses from any you send.


_________________
We won't go back.


Ecomatt91
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Apr 2015
Posts: 818

04 Nov 2015, 7:09 pm

I doubt that sweetleaf.

My friends kept wanting me to be out there for them. They need me. Though what is the struggle is different forms of communication. Since I made this thread, things has changed alot. My friends are now clarifying social situations to me. I had to develop trust with them. If I do, they will trust me back.

After reading few articles about communication challenges and that, including notes on AS-NT relationships. Love and romance is a patience thing. Yes, unfortunately people in our 20's aren't so much patience. Few of my friends feel guilty of this. Some are in rebound relationships, also some who used to do that but they gave up and want to be single - they are happy with it.

This inspires me about things I should do for myself. I had to learn lots of social and communication skills through my friends. I know its challenging to find a romantic partner, though my friends feel a same too. I doubt we are different in this situation?