Calls me by last name

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One other "issue" is that this other professor's specialty is Special Ed, and she used to teach that in the public schools. Not sure if I should mention my Asperger's at some point. She has never indicated that she knows that I have Asperger's or that I am somewhat "different".

On the one hand she should understand AS better than most, and would know better how to deal with it. However, I am worried that when she hears that she might think of the worst Asperger's cases she dealt with and might assume I would be like that also.

Note that many people in special ed are neurodiverse themselves. That can be both and good. It's good because you are compatible, but might be bad because they might not want to identify with AS or autism themselves.

That is an interesting observation. I don't know if she is or not. I haven't really seen any stereotypical Aspie behavior in her, but I am learning to do a good job of hiding it myself in more casual interactions.

Went to her office 3 times yesterday to talk about different things. We have pleasant conservations, I haven't noticed any real flirtatious behavior on her part-at least obvious enough that I can pick it up. She never comes to my office to talk to me either. She will wave as she goes by if she passes my office on the way to a meeting.

I suppose this isn't a good sign. Our offices are at opposite ends of the building, but it isn't a huge building either. It wouldn't be a huge journey for her to make it to my office.

Aren't you married?

I just read some of your responses. You want a backup? If I knew your SO personally, I'd be telling her right now. Stop the first relationship before getting into another one. This is the reason I stay single. I'm just going to say it again - you exhibit NO Aspie traits that I see.

Believe me, I have plenty of Aspie traits. Both therapists I see rate me as a 4 on a scale of 1 to 10 on severity of Asperger's. How am I lacking Aspie traits? What would you expect to see in me?

If you don't know, I don't have time to tell you. I'm NT and even I can see you don't have Aspie traits. Read up on it. I still remember the other thread you were in where everyone kept saying you didn't show any Aspie traits - your wife did, though. To me, you resemble typical NT male behavior - secrets, flirting, cheating on the side. You're making Aspie men look bad, IMO.

I have the inability to read/understand non-verbal behavior, need for order and routine, ruminations about past failures, special interests, and quite a few other Aspie traits. I don't know exactly why everyone around here thinks that I am not. Believe me, I have suffered greatly from it in the past, with the rejection, teasing, and bullying that comes with it. I sure wish that some of you were right and that I didn't have Asperger's, but I got what I got, I guess, and very educated and well respected therapists in our town say I have Asperger's.

I am not looking to cheat on my wife or replace her. The reason I am looking for a "backup" (probably a poor choice of words) is because I am an Aspie. The stats seem to indicate that the divorce rate when one partner has Asperger's is around 80%. Yes, that means that 20% do make it work, but the odds are greatly in favor of a marriage not working. Right now things are really good between us as we were able to communicate better and get over some issues, but I have always had a fear that my wife would leave me for someone better looking and less weird than me.

In addition, it takes me a very long time to go from meeting someone to becoming friends with them, to actually having a relationship with them. Yes, once or twice in college I did do the typical pick someone up at a party, have sex with them that night, and date them for a little while, but that was very much the exception. Most other times it took me an incredibly long time to actually ask someone out.

So, given that the odds are well stacked against me staying married, that it takes me a really long time to get into relationships with a person, and I usually can't pick up at all what they are non-verbally saying to me (if anything), I didn't think it would hurt to try go get some feedback on what someone I work with might or might not feel about me.

Unless you're James bond, or some detective in a film noir, she's not into you.

To be honest, I think your marriage will work. That's the impression I get.

I think you're wrong Mr K. He's looking, flirting and acting like a 16 yr old school boy with his first crush. He's already got the mindset that his marriage will not work and has already taken the steps towards moving on to someone else, so therefore his marriage will most likely end in divorce.

I hope everything works out--and that all is resolved.

It seems that on the other thread that people thought I wasn't an Aspie because I wanted more affection from my spouse. I am not a therapist, but if I was, I would never base a diagnosis, or not diagnose someone based on a single criteria. For whatever reason, when Asperger symptoms were being handed out, I did not get the sensitivity to touch that many Aspies have, so that is why affection doesn't bother me. I have most of the other symptoms, and I do have other sensitivities. In another thread, we pretty much discussed how Aspies and NTs want the same thing out of relationships.

In a way, I need affection due to my Asperger's. I cannot read my wife's (or anyone elses) facial signs or non-verbal cues. The only way I know how she feels about me is if she tells me, or does some sort of behavior related to love-like affection.

I have read several places that not all Aspies are asexual either. Most of the things I read indicated that Aspies tend to fall on the extremes-either asexual or obsessed with sex-as it can become one of their special interests. Given that I am not asexual, you can probably tell where I ended up, then.

Just because I am married doesn't mean that I don't notice other females, and even feel attraction to them. I think that is pretty typical as well.

I don't think most Aspies are asexual.

The incidence of asexuality might be higher than the general population amongst Aspies, however.