Obsessive loves

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That's cool. I wish it was me she was obsessed about.



Rather that people that are obsessed often have no control over it. So the real moral of the story is that if you want somebody to be obsessed about you like that, go for neurodiverse girls, and enjoy it.

Yes, that's a tough issue. I prefer to keep obsessing about them if they lose interest, and that they won't show disinterest back, but the problem is it's a lot more enjoyable to advance things than to continue obsessing about them without any contact. So that always becomes a compromise: Does she like me back so I can advance things or is she disinterested so I need to have no contact in order to continue with the obsession? In the latter case the obsession still dies after a while, but it's more enjoyable than a sudden stop because the girl is hostile or something.



Exactly.

Interesting and correct how you put it. Your last sentence especially sums it all up. It hurts the most when you obsess over someone until the day they do something mean. Then you can not stop thinking about it and realize your idea of that person is shattered because you saw a side of them you don't like.

It seems healthier to me to have that idealization "shattered". It forces you to see the actual person, instead of projecting a vision on that person that may not reflect the true individual.

True. It is healthier that way. Creating an illusion of what you expect a person to behave like is unhealthy. And as painful as it is when that happens, at least it is easier to move on.

I had a pretty bad obsessive crush on a celebrity & got pretty obsessive within my 1st two relationships but not in my current cuz I got my OCD treated before I got in this relationship.

I disagree to that. It is healthy to obsess about a loved one, if you do it in a reasonable way. For me that builds a strong attachment that is pretty useful if it ends in a relationship. About the only thing that is unhealthy is when a crush is mean to me, which forces me to think she is an awful and terrible person just so I can move on. That's why I prefer it to die slowly over such a horrible outcome that will end up with me thinking she is the biggest idiot on the planet.

The type of obsession you are talking about is different. The other one mentioned is not because creating an illusion of what you thought the person was (and obsessing over it) is bad because eventually you get a rude awakening.

If you see your crush infrequently, then the obsessive thoughts are more likely to carry you away. It could be unhealthy if you get too much carried away, and if reality becomes too different from your "illusions". OTOH, if your intention is to just dream about somebody that is largely unavailable to you, then that might be ok too, but then it would be better if chances of meanness are low (for instance, because of infrequent direct contact).

Anyway, I usually want to it be mutual (but nonverbal), so often there is an implied mutual interest, but because we haven't talked explicitly about it there is always a possibility that I'm wrong about there being a mutual interest.

I also get obsessive about people.

One obsession I can't shift is for Natalie Imbruglia I get obsessed about her on and off but it's been going on since I first saw her in neighbours, if I ever met her I would probably crap my self. I have been in a relationship for 17 years married for 14 my wife always refers to her as my girlfriend don't think that helps tbh. I find it can take me over a bit sometimes.

But when I am not obsessing about her it's usually because someone else has caught my eye celebrity or not and it's not always women (usually but not always).

I can treat the person I am obsessing over as I never met them in a contact situation but as people say you usually have built up too high expectations of them and they get shattered (This can be a good thing though tbh). I have sometimes deliberately caused a contact situation because I needed it to stop, once they actually liked me so I offended them so they would hate me. Worst thing I think I have ever done but I was with my wife so I think I was correct. But in hindsight I should have just told them I did like them but I was with someone else at the time though I took the most direct route to stop it :S

I will point out I am not a cheater or anything but I still can't prevent these obsessions happening even though I am in a relationship. (Then again if Natalie ever was interested not sure I could prevent myself...)

One thing that the obsession helped me learn though is I could have feeling for another person even if they weren't returned I was pretty dead inside when I was a teenager and very unsure if I could have feelings for another person, Natalie cut that one off instantly for me.

Seems normal to get fixated on a person romantically.

Sometimes you have to give yourself emotional methadone to wean yourself off an addiction to thinking about someone. Or to put it another way: find someone else to take your mind off of the unattainable person. And then someone else to take your mind off of that person. Eventually you might find someone who is attainable.