Why did my friend refuse to tell me how he picked up girls?

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"Natural charisma" is right. That, and his good looks. The ones that inspired me to get plastic surgery. Until the surgeon told me it'd cost $10,000 and take 6 weeks of aftercare and recovery. I didn't have the money or the time. After seeing how upset I looked, he was nice enough to waive the consultation fee.

Credit card? Oh yeah! I caught him trying to write down its number. I dumped him on the spot, and told him he didn't exist as far as I was concerned.

Speaking of money, I remember him throwing huge, Great Gatsby-eque parties, with tons of girls coming over (all of whom were disgusted by me) and people spilling over into the stairwell area. I figured he had a trust fund, even though he lived in a studio apartment in a poorly maintained building, drove a clunker, and dressed in sloppy clothes. No idea where he came up with the money for those parties. Perhaps his friends brought all the food and beer kegs.

Bad he tried to steal your credit card info. Difficult to believe your lack of success of with women could be SOLELY chalked up to your looks unless you were Quasimodo-like with hygiene problems at the time. It takes quite a bit to "disgust" all women, at first sight, at a party... and being in, say, the bottom quartile looks-wise ain't enough.

If you guys were students or in your early 20s, everybody's in sloppy clothes and crappy apartments and old clunker cars -- it's a given and thus usually irrelevant.

Sounds like this guy was a con artist and you're better off without him as a friend. Given his behavior, like trying to steal your credit card number, why are you so shocked he never let you in on the secret to his success? Even if he had a deliberate strategy there's no way in HELL that a person like that is going to explain his technique to you.

your friend makes me want to put something up his butt.

I have a different take on this. I agree with pretty much everything everyone else has said, but I think there's one more major reason besides the fact that these things came innately natural to him and he couldn't quite figure out how to teach them to someone else.

As big of a douche as this guy was, I believe the number one reason he refused to tell you how he picked up girls is because he didn't want to hurt your feelings. Seriously. He knew that he was intuitively social & charismatic, and while he couldn't quite put his finger on your ASD faults, he also knew that you simply weren't made of "the right stuff," to pull off what he does and that if he made an attempt to teach you any basic tactics that it would have resulted in you embarrassing yourself, failing miserably, and becoming frustrated, upset, and depressed. He didn't want to see you go through that, nor did he want to deal with you returning to him for feedback trying to figure out where you went wrong. He simply knew you weren't the right man for the job and thus didn't want to give you false hope by pretending that he could teach you to be like him. It's as simple as that. As big of a piece of s**t he was for trying to steal from you, it was likely out of nothing but pure kindness that he refused to tell you how he picked up girls because he knew it would not go well for you no matter how much he tried to teach you. In his eyes, he was doing you a favour to not put you through the gauntlet of it all.

Your argument here has a problem. I was already frustrated, upset, and depressed, so it's not like his "kindness" would have made a difference. That's why I asked him for the information. He could have at least thrown me a bone of some sorts, like giving me a line I could use, as opposed to telling me to "walk around shirtless in public to show girls I'm comfortable with my body" (which I knew was a lie). Heck, I offered the guy good money to teach me, like hundreds of dollars, and he still refused.

Eventually, I threw in the towel, spent the same money on an escort to lose my virginity, and the rest of history.

I think this is like trying to teach a blind person to read--they are lacking an essential sense, sight, which is necessary for reading.

Your message puts me in mind of two guys, Norman and Ben.

Norman is my brother's high school buddy (my brother keeps friends for life). Norman is good-looking, has tremendous charm which is his default mode, totally non-threatening. He's working on his third divorce.

Ben is my neighbour. He's 80yo. He's 6'4". He weighs 400 lbs. He is affable and helpful and gracious and has a beautiful smile. Ladies are delighted to see him until they get warned - as I did - that Ben has been married nine times.

Neither Ben nor Norman know how they do it, but they attract women everywhere they go. If they could sell it, they would, wouldn't they?

Did you have to sort yourself into pairs or groups in grade school? I remember how the other kids effortlessly did that.

I disagree. If anything, those facts support my argument. No one wants to give someone advice that will make them even more frustrated, upset, and depressed when they're already in that state. No one wants to see someone get so worked up over being unable to do what they want to do. No one wants in on their mind that they gave you advice that sent you over the edge from depression to being suicidal. And so on. What you've just said here re-affirms to me that this was VERY likely the case of why he deflected your inquiries and refused to even try to tell you how he does these things. He knew he could just do them, but also that they couldn't really be taught nor learned very well, and that if he WERE to attempt to teach them to someone... you weren't the candidate that was going to be a star pupil who'd be able to succeed with his advice.

I still say the reason he refused was to save you from the frustration and depression of trying to mimic him when he knew damn well the chances of that happening were slim to none and slim just left town. As much as it may have angered you, he was being nice & sparing your feelings.

I doubt he wants one night stands, but he may be in the mindset that, that's all he'd ever be able to get; which is untrue. OP, he was not your friend even if he got you an escort. He didn't want to tell you because he was insecure even with him getting girls. Take that actually as a good sign. There must have been a good reason he thought you could steal his thunder, so to speak. When talking to women, it's all about experience and circumstance. I once wound up talking to a woman about breakfast food. Texting pics of different meals. Obviously, if she wasn't interested the conversation would have been dull but it wasn't. You sort of just have to have a laid back attitude. It's something that's hard to explain, like riding a bike.

He didn't get me an escort. It'd be unreasonable to ask him for that favor, even as a birthday present. Good ones cost $300 an hour. And bad ones are ripoffs or cops. I found and hired an escort myself.

What prompted me to do it was this. I joined a hookup site (long before Tinder existed) in hopes of losing my virginity. 500 messages later, I had my willing taker. She wanted to meet me at a bar, then we'd walk over to her place for sex. But when I got to the bar and called her, she didn't pick up. I called again 15 minutes later; no answer. I waited for an hour; she didn't call back. I drove home in a huff. When I confided to my friend what happened, he said this: "Maybe it's a good thing that she rejected you. Maybe it's universe's way of saying you need to find a loving girlfriend and not casual sex." I wanted to punch him! He knew damn well I didn't want a girlfriend at that point, because by then, I already knew how unpleasant LTR's can be. I just wanted to offload my virginity; that's it! Only to have an opportunity disappear right in front of me. Not to mention, by saying that, he might as well sell pork in a synagogue. (preaching wrong material to the wrong audience)

That's when I jumped online, found an escort agency that looked legit, called them to see one of their ladies, and you know the rest. After I lost my virginity, I was floating so high, I kept bumping into airplanes . Heck, I didn't feel OK to drive for at least 20 minutes. I had to leave my car in the hotel parking lot, and walk around local streets until I calmed down. (In retrospect, I could have attracted the attention of the police by doing that, but I was 22 and had sex for the first time, so I wasn't thinking straight.)

Would he see Aspie1 as a threat?

You mean he really said explicitly: "no I won't teach you how to do this"? Weird but in that case here are some theories and I think more than one applies at once:

. He really doesn't know exactly how he does that, therefore can't teach you. It's second nature for him... he invites girls over in the hopes that they'll make sex and yeah, he eventually succeeds. If he happens to be good looking and smooth-talking, easier yet to pick the girls.

. He's not exactly the Don Juan everyone thinks he is. His accounts are greatly inflated. Telling you his "secrets" would definitely tear his mask apart. He's very good at what he does but not as good as people do think. Some people around him - including yourself - help giving his stories way more significance than it deserves.

. He would hate your competition no matter how much you insist that you both don't share the appetite for the same kind of meat and colours of the rainbow.

. Have you ever tried explaining things like that to someone else? It's very awkward to put stuff like that into words. "Hey I just erm.. find a girl and then, you know... we just talk... I tell her I like same stuff she likes... you get it eh?".

. Now this might sound blunt and I hope you don't get me wrong, but once you've come to ask that in public I hope it's okay to say this: some people like to have a "pet loser" by his side. Someone whom they can compare to and that never exceeds his own stature and feats, that they can patronise and pat on the back. That's how "alpha males" are born. They shape up a pack by picking a bunch of "lesser alphas" and including a couple "losers" who praise them, indulge them and regard them as The King of Apes.

LOL no
But....guys rarely like any form of competition, even if it could be ascribed to being no competition.

It's not because of fear of competition but I bet because...

...he has no clue why and how to transfer this 'ability' to another, it's in his nature.