How do I kill my love for someone?

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Only fall for an actual close friend, not a stranger.

My love for my high school crush was unreciprocated. We were involved in some of the same groups, but we were never close. I was never able to connect with him on a deeper personal level. It took me a while to get over him, but I learned not to take my chances on someone whom didn't invest a lot of their attention on me.

Look people I'm not looking for hate so just stop saying I'm sick and I should die because I know I should!

*sigh*

At 15, you are still changing, and very rapidly at that. The whole YOU is changing, and you are in for even more rapid change and internal chaos in the upcoming decade, when much of your development will happen. Where you are at now does not dictate where you will be in your mid-twenties, when your growth and neurological development will reach a stability you have yet to experience in your young life.

What you can do, now, to help shape those changes more to your liking, is change your source of inputs, change how you talk about yourself, and change your narrative (how you explain and describe incidents in your life).

Look back at every single event in your life that you now see as evidence of failure, and look for the success embedded within it, that you currently are in the habit of dismissing or ignoring.

For example:

You had a heart-stoppingly bad crush on a beautiful, popular girl in your school, and you asked her out instead of allowing your fear of rejection to stop you. Your current interpretation of this event is focused entirely on the end result (she turned you down) and thus you are missing a key element of the experience, which is that you manned up and risked rejection in order to achieve a goal. You would be shocked to discover how common it is to chicken out and do the opposite, at *any* stage of development. Fully grown, successful adults struggle with this, and it is many times harder for adolescents, but you went ahead and did it.

I could go on, and on, and on, because in every event you have reported as a failure, or as evidence that you're doomed to a life of losing, I see courage, insight, and resilience.

And you know what? That goes for so many others here, who I see struggling because they interpret each undesired outcome as proof that they are a failure, without looking into the experience further to see where they made progress.

nobody's saying you should die..... we're just trying to help you get over this...

Yes, this. I can't speak for anyone else, but I can say with certainty that *I* very much want you to live.

It's pretty easy to kill your love. Just do what those of us who weren't allowed to go out with anyone at fifteen did: suck it up and accept your feelings matter crap because you'll never act on them in any way, and keep trudging through your dull and joyless teenage years, hoping the light you see at the end of the tunnel is not that of an oncoming train.

There is really only two ways to get out of a crush / infatuation:
1. Get into a relationship (or imaginary relationship) with her.
2. Get mad at her and think of her as the worse individual walking on earth.

Every other way, including trying to see beauty in others, and burying in interests simply doesn't work. The reason is that our brains are programmed to favor reproduction over interests. You need to attack your primary problem.

C'mon buddy, where does it say that we want you to die?

It's not even implied--anywhere.

There are many fish in the sea. You're a young guy. You'll fill out.

It's better to try to be nice than try to be nasty.

Oh, well, you can't. Only she can do that.

Are you able to meet up with this person face to face? If so, you should talk to her directly and confess your feelings for her, but tell her that you fully understand and respect that she's not interested, but that you really need her to let you down hard, and make it brutally clear that she has no feelings for you whatsoever.

You'll be devastated for sure, God knows I was, but time heals all wounds. You will recover, and most importantly it should permanently killed off all the feelings you had for her, allowing you to move on with your life.

To be fair, he asked her out online, and whilst it does take some courage to do that, it doesn't nearly compare to asking someone out in real life.



I'd have to disagree with you here. As a guy who was OP's age 4 measly years ago, I had similar experiences, and I neither had a relationship with nor got mad at any of the objects of my affection. Eventually, I realised that I wasn't in love with any of these girls. I was attracted to them, and more attached to the idea of them than the reality, because I really didn't know any of the girls that well.

It was at that point that I allowed my brain to separate physical attraction from emotional attraction, and the biggest key to my success of not getting hung up on any one particular girl for the past three years is not allowing myself to fantasise about anyone. Fantasising is in my opinion very harmful, as it strengthens your romantic feelings for someone who probably isn't going to reciprocate. Each time you fantasise about a girl, you deepen the pit underneath you that you will likely be dropped into.

At your age, I'm pretty sure I would have benefited from an explanation of what love really is versus infatuation, so I will try to outline it for you as best I can. I define romantic love as being attracted to someone physically and emotionally/mentally. You're clearly only attracted to this girl physically, as you said you aren't friends, so you can't know her well enough to be attracted to her real personality. Moreover, she's already rejected you. I'm sure if the "short, fat, witch-like voiced girls" acted in the exact same manner as this girl, you wouldn't even give them a second look, and you probably wouldn't even try to get to know them.

Another thing you should understand is like attracts like. If this girl you're interested in is a 10/10 by mainstream beauty standards, and is on top of the social ladder, she's probably only going to be interested in guys who are 10/10 and on top of the social ladder too. So what can you do if you want to attract women like her? Well, you'll likely have to improve yourself until you can't think of a reason girls like her wouldn't be interested in you. Working out and building muscle will come in real handy here, as well as dressing to impress.

As I got older, I learned that physical beauty is not the be-all and end-all, and it's only important that I'm at least a little physically attracted to my prospective partner, as long as we're compatible on a mental/emotional basis. I'd say you'll likely undergo the same realisation within the next few years. For now, I recommend that you stop fantasising if that's something you do (redirect your focus if you catch yourself fantasising), block this girl on Facebook to remove the temptation to peruse her profile, really take on board the fact that you can't truly be in love with someone until you've forged a bond with them and gotten to know them, and possibly try to improve yourself as best you can if you don't feel as attractive as the women you're pursuing.

Why are you stalking her Facebook page then? Block her profile entirely so that you won't be tempted to keep tabs on her.

Which I disagree to in turn.

My past experiences wasn't attraction for sure. For me, attraction has nothing to do with a crush or infatuation. I mean, I never get a crush on a girl because I'm attracted to her.

BTW, getting mad at somebody in this context is an internal thing only. I didn't mean he should show it to her, it's only for himself so he stops seeing her as a wonderful girl. Because it's the feeling that she is so wonderful that is feeding his obsession with her.



I'd have to disagree to that advice as well. It's not generally harmful to fantasize about a crush. What is harmful is to do without knowing if there is a reciprocated interest or not, which doesn't need to mean you've asked her for a date, or gone on actually dates with her, as interest can be communicated nonverbally too.

The primary cause of problem is loneliness, low self esteem, lack of social support etc.

i had a major crush on a guy and he was reciprocating also but i was afraid to go on a date with him. eventually he broke it off.

I was devastated and kept crying for months and months. Then a other guy started hinting to me for a date and i forgot all about the previous major crush i had for whom i was going totally crazy.

Basically you have to understand its the mind and if you learn to control your mind and divert it to other thoughts etc you will get over it sooner or later.

Have you tried dating apps or online sites put up your profile there and you might get someone for a hook up and eventually you will forget this girl.

You either find someone else to love, find a reason to continue hating the current individual, or hope that in time you'll just forget about them entirely, which isn't very likely.

Those are the only options I see.

Are you supposed to believe physical beauty is all that matters before you get "older"? That's yet another thing I find odd about normal people. I never thought beauty was the most important quality in anybody. In fact, this is one of the reasons I felt oh so much mature than my peers as a teenager, but now I think this was an illusion caused by my inability to fathom the complexity of a normal, healthy, non-autistic human mind. I was much too quick to dismiss beauty and its own complexity. There must be a reason I've never found attractive any woman I perceived as mean-spirited or a potential bully, even when I was aware social standards dictated I should, and I definitely should desire them much more than the nerdy or otherwise presumably unremarkable types I really liked.

As a result, I'm still discovering bits and pieces of what constitutes female beauty and getting fascinated by it all the time, in a "this is a small sample of what you'd have gotten to enjoy when you were young if only you'd been worthy" fashion.

The only thing is time, it will pass i guarantee you that.