Bad luck streak with females?

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Yeah, it's my favorite and usual style of dress, and my profile picture isn't the only combination (have 3 fedoras, 5 dress shirts, 2 dress slacks, 3 diamond sweater/sweater vests).

Well, back on topic:

It's been 10 days and counting since I've last seen or talked to her - I've sent 2 facebook messages, first trying to start a normal, casual convo, second to say it's been a bit since I seen her, thinking about her, and would love to see her again sometime soon when she's ready, within these 10 days. She's seen and ignored both.

So, is it really so irrational for me to be absolutely stressing, and freaking-out? At this point I think it is considering just how much time has passed without hearing anything from her.

I barely even feel like I have a girlfriend anymore, this is the longest amount of time I've been away from here since the relationship began. The first time was one week but there was a bit of conversation online during that week. This is just ridiculous.

I'm getting to a breaking point and feeling absolutely stressed and miserable, and she probably isn't thinking about me at all.

My thoughts aren't too 'emotionally attached' or obsessive, I feel my thoughts are perfectly rational and normal - it's been 10 days since any contact, I'm feeling lonely/ignored.

Even most of us aspies here probably would not enjoy going 10 days with no sort of contact from their significant other - we'd start to be concerned, worried.

Thing is, it's not like I've been stressed and worried since I last saw her. Well, I was stressed a little on our last couple dates, but recovered.

I've been distracting myself, doing other things, and have been enjoying my little 'holiday' away from her. I needed some alone time myself.

But it's well past the point where I'm feeling extremely lonely and worried. It takes about 4-5 days of no contact with another person whatsoever before I start to feel extremely alone and concerned.

I have some friends I can go several weeks without messaging except for here and there. It's just, when it comes to my best friend and girlfriend, I prefer constant contact, online or physical, and I think this is normal.

For now, I'm giving it just a bit more time...it's the only thing I can do...

This might sound strange, but I prefer failure when it's my own fault. It means I can learn from my mistakes, self-reflect, and do better next time.

I usually hate failure or unfortunate events if I had no influence on the outcome - I'd rather be the cause of my own misfortune than misfortune that was powerless to control.

It means you can't learn from your mistakes, there is no self-reflection, nothing to learn from.

Every time you fail because of things not your fault, there's nothing you can do. You can't say 'Oh man. I really stuffed up. Perhaps next time I shouldnt...I should be more...etc.' but instead it's just 'Sh•t happens. Just get over it and try again'. But there's nothing you can do to prevent it from happening in the future again...and again and again...and again and again.

I guess ten days is a long time not to speak to someone you're supposed to be "dating."

It's freaky how fickle people can be in their teenage years. I wouldn't attribute it to any fault of yours; perhaps, she's just "testing the waters," so to speak.

Write to her. Tell her that you miss your conversations (not her, directly), and wouldn't mind knowing why she hasn't contacted you in so long. Don't use "lament" language. Just keep it on a an intellectual level.

I think you'll be okay if you don't think about your romance in the midst of your romance too much.

Listen, Outrider...I think at your age you should focus on your studies. You don't want to derail your life. Get a job, move out, then start dating.

This isn't affecting me that significantly. I know not to let it ruin my life and it hasn't. I live exactly the same as before I met her.

If anything I still feel just as negative and depressed. When I am single, I feel depressed and lonely, when I spend time away from her, I'm depressed and lonely. It's the same feeling and she hasn't cured it because I already knew a relationship won't make you happy.

Either way, in my current situation circumstances are against me.

I am technically a 'job-seeker' however my family is moving city once again in the next 6 months, so I don't want to look 'too hard'. My plan was to save up and move out first before beginning university studies.

I may study shorter courses at what is called TAFE in Australia and may do a variety of alternative things and volunteer work in these next 6 months but accidentally landing a job will get me stuck here.

So for now I'm just 'relaxing' and 'taking a break'. Because all my friends live in different cities, she's all I've got, and when I'm not seeing her I'm here, at home cooped up in my room. There is almost nothing fun to do in my city to meet other people and I prefer to go out to places with others.

I've gotten that advice a lot, but I'm no longer in high school and for now have no sort of major responsibilities to speak of. So there really is 'nothing else' for me to focus on, aside from hobbies/interests, which I already do every day now.

You Aussies are lucky! I think you get some kind of allowance--especially if you're a student. You probably get less than 18-year-olds--but you probably get something.

I didn't get ANYTHING when I was 17. I was a junior-senior in high school then.

Yeah, it's called the youth allowance. Essentially the young person's version of 'the dole' (the dole = unemployed adults).

Well, in my case, I was one of, if not the youngest senior in my grade.

I turned 17 just three days after graduation. Everyone else had either already turned 17 earlier in the year, turned 18 or were turning 18.

The standards have actually changed now, so someone who's birthday is after June/July will be in a younger grade. So, the high school seniors of the future will have NO ONE with birthdays after June/July.

I do know in the United States most HS seniors tend to be 18.

In Australia the ratio of 17 to 18 year old high school seniors is about 60/40. I think in America it would be 30/70?? But that's just a guess.

It depends on the time of year. Come September, high school seniors are always 17 (unless they were skipped) until at least January 1st of the next year. I was born January 2nd, so I was always the oldest kid in my grade. I was almost 18 1/2 when I graduated. By June, probably half of all seniors are 18-year-olds.

That's when I got my first "real" girlfriend: in my senior year, when I was 18.

When I try to talk to someone in a casual way, my brain consumes so much energy that I need an hour to recover and return to my normal state. I don't understand how an aspie could handle having a friend, let alone a significant other.

I am usually quite confident but also have many difficulties.

I too find social interacton draining, but not as much as for you.

Also, I feel so much anxiety whenever I see my girlfriend, I actually feel physically sick and almost vomit (haven't yet, but close).

But once I see her she can make me feel at ease and comfortable.

It's interesting that I'm so confident usually and she is confident as well but she is confident in nearly all situations, when it comes to her I lose my confidence. It depends on the situation, many situations I struggle to maintain it. She's my kryptonite...

I managed to talk to my crush in high school, but then I didn't know what to do next and the opportunity was forever wasted.

I've never truly known what I was doing, and sometimes think my success should just be attributed to pure luck.

Getting into a relationship surprisingly isn't always about 'skill'.

The first 'dates' I ever went on was earlier in the year - a published writer, she was helping me by giving feedback on my novel. I asked her on a date but she mistaked it only to discuss my story.

She had so much fun with me I convinced her to a second meet-up, same time same place. She agreed and it was this second meeting she realized they were supposed to be 'dates'. Third meet-up I get let down easy.

My first girlfriend, I didn't even really do anything. I developed feelings for her and spend time around her, getting to know her, etc., we just had natural chemistry and turns out the feelings were mutual. I just asked her to be my gf and got a yes.

Either way it was a bad and short relationship I'd rather just forget.

My current girlfriend, again I broke all of societies traditional N.T. dating rules.

A friend of two of my friends, I didn't even know who this girl was. But, I had been 'observing' her for a while. I always noticed her as 'that cute girl that looks like a nice person talking to my friends X and X'.

I always thought it would be inappropriate, creepy even to ask either of my friends about her. To just say to one of my friends out of the blue 'Hey, who was that nice girl you were talking to? She's kind of cute. Is she single? ' but on Monday in the last week of high school (in Australia seniors graduate late Nov.) I actually did it, and I don't regret it.

One first date later where we both instantly 'clicked' and had chemistry, and I now have a girlfriend of 1 month and one day.

The only true 'skill' I have that I've noticed a lot of aspie males I know lack is I have confidence and charm. As in, I can actually talk to my crushes, make them laugh, keep them entertained, etc. and keep things natural and interesting.

Other than that, I spend half the time guessing things and just jumping in.

Last edited by Outrider on 16 Dec 2015, 9:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

There's nothing creepy about asking a guy about one of his friends who are girls.

That's the way it's done throughout the world.

What would be creepy is if you followed the girl to her home to ask her for a date.

It wasn't a male friend but a female.

And yeah, I agree it's not actually that bad.

I did something similar just before my current girlfriend.

The same female friend had a single friend who just gotten broken up with and was willing to meet someone new. After telling the girl to have a bit of time to be single and recover, I started to get to know this female but she only wanted to be friends.

That's what I mean - it's essentially what many adults do and is normal in the adult dating world. To ask some friend/relative 'Hey, know any nice single people I could get to know that you'd recommend as alright with me?'

I essentially did that with my current girlfriend, except I already knew her face and a physical interest was already established, instead of a blind date or anything like that.

To sum up what my best friend's words on it: "Hey, it's better than speed dating."

I would rather play speed chess than go out on a "speed date."

What is speed dating?