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Fnord
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28 Dec 2015, 10:00 pm

Yes, dating is difficult. It is less difficult for people who are articulate, confident, employed, graceful, and wealthy. It is more difficult for people who are non-verbal, shy, jobless, clumsy, and poor.



Spiderpig
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29 Dec 2015, 1:11 am

Why would anyone expect dating to be easy? It has to be hard for sexual selection to work; in fact, it should be expected to be impossible for many, though, of course, you don't know a priori whether it is for you.


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Outrider
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29 Dec 2015, 7:37 pm

If you want to get biological, Spiderpig sir, then why is making friendships about 100x easier than relationships?

It's certainly hard to make friends, but not as hard as relationships.

But making friends should also be just as, if not more difficult, right?

In ancient times our survival depended on who we associated ourselves with - our friends were part of our tribe, and were key to survival as teamwork was almost necessary to survive and hunt.

So why are we so much less strict about and have lower standards for who we befriend and why can we have a more diverse range of friends but a very strict criteria for what a relationship partner should be?

Yes, we should choose carefully when picking someone to procreate with, but shouldn't we choose even more carefully for people to help us with 'the daily hunt'?

So why is it possible for us to have about 5 or more friends but only have ever had 1 or 2 relationships?

If out standards for choosing friends was just as strict as relationships, most of us would have only had about 1-3 friends in our entire lives so far, possibly even none.

I'm sure 90% of people here and everywhere had to lower their standards to make friends, but would NOT DARE lower their high standards even slightly for a relationship.



kraftiekortie
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29 Dec 2015, 8:06 pm

Because being in a relationship or marriage requires more OBLIGATION than friendship.

You have a commitment (usually) to each other not to have the same sort of relationship with someone else; this is not the case with friendship--one could make as much friends as one wants.

One has high standards for relationships, basically, because one is in a more strict situation. One has to compromise a considerable amount, and one has to remain committed to that one person. It's a more difficult situation to endure than a friendship.

A person would feel better about enduring these obligatory conditions with someone whom they find quite pleasing.



Otakudlo9
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30 Dec 2015, 3:32 pm

IMO, dating is hard mainly because of communication.
We Aspies have a difficult time expressing our emotions and feelings especially those who've kind of had a rough life growing up. We'll also try to sympatize with our significant other but, due to lack of empathy, it's a hard thing to do.

I try not to lose too mcuh hope for me in the dating world but at times, it's tough



kraftiekortie
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30 Dec 2015, 3:34 pm

We don't have a lack of empathy. We have a disorder in expressing it appropriately at times.



wilburforce
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30 Dec 2015, 5:25 pm

Otakudlo9 wrote:
IMO, dating is hard mainly because of communication.
We Aspies have a difficult time expressing our emotions and feelings especially those who've kind of had a rough life growing up. We'll also try to sympatize with our significant other but, due to lack of empathy, it's a hard thing to do.

I try not to lose too mcuh hope for me in the dating world but at times, it's tough


That whole "lack of empathy" claim is a myth that has been debunked. You may want to update your information on what it means to be autistic to reflect that.



dobyfm
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01 Jan 2016, 6:05 am

Dating does seem like it is becoming harder. In my opinion it is because a lot of people are getting pickier. Then there are some people who have unrealistic expectations. This reminds me of this one guy I once knew who would turn down dates with girls because he expected his "perfect Geek goddess" who was as beautiful as cosplayer Jessica Nigri to show up in his life . . .



Nist498
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01 Jan 2016, 9:34 am

dobyfm wrote:
Dating does seem like it is becoming harder. In my opinion it is because a lot of people are getting pickier. Then there are some people who have unrealistic expectations. This reminds me of this one guy I once knew who would turn down dates with girls because he expected his "perfect Geek goddess" who was as beautiful as cosplayer Jessica Nigri to show up in his life . . .


Yeah I would say that is a major aspect of it. I have a very wide strike zone so to speak, but apparently I fit into no woman's idea of an acceptable date. Either I'm rejected outright with condescension or you can see them going out of their way to find an excuse not to date me. It's frustrating because I don't even get a first chance to start a relationship much less have one.


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rdos
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01 Jan 2016, 10:11 am

dobyfm wrote:
Dating does seem like it is becoming harder. In my opinion it is because a lot of people are getting pickier.


That's because people are seeking partners in a wider area, and so in order to be able to filter, they get pickier.