9 Guidelines For Dating With Asperger's

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Ah. Gotcha.

I write a blog on PsychCentral about that kind of stuff. It's called I'm Not A Robot. I could write something on here about it too though.

I have terrible executive function. I don't have a job. I'm kind of hoping that writing this stuff can become my job. I come from an upper-middle-class family who's patient with me. Otherwise my mental health would be much worse. I've been fired from most jobs, got kicked out of grad school, and told that I'm better off not trying to work in fashion, which is what I came to New York to do.

The struggle is real.

As for relationships, the problem for me isn't really about relating to partners. It's about repetitive speech. I say anything that comes into my head at least twice. It feels like I have to. I know it's a problem, but it makes me so uncomfortable to hold back around a partner. I also get anxious and clingy and don't have much ability to regulate my emotions.

The guy I'm with also has Asperger's. He's patient with me. I'm not sure how many neurotypicals would deal with that kind of behavior.

I know that doesn't sound too upbeat. But I feel like I know a good deal about relationships from having plenty of short ones and watching other people's long ones. I'm learning to compromise the same way everyone else has to. I think Asperger's symptoms should be seen as separate from that.

Oh cool. I'll check it out.


I love fashion. What do you think of the women's tennis dresses at the Australian Open this year? Some of them are lovely, I think. I saw one that had a kind of peplum. It was adorable.

I've tended to bomb out on jobs too, my executive function can become non-existent in certain situations.

Must be interesting to live in NYC ... one of the cities on my bucket list.

'We’re kind of empty.'

speak for yourself.

overall i found this article a pretty offensive read.

Though concise, I don't identify well to your piece. It kinda reads straight out of Cosmo playbook with Aspie twist.

Also the spectrum has experiences and behaviors as broad as each individuals severity and how their caregivers tailored (good or bad) raising them.

Whatever she is interested in.

Is there supposed to be a link in the opening post? Because if there is/was, it's broken.

I thought it was witty, that remark: "rethink your existence". She is talking about identification and makes a good point there. Why not concentrate on the valuable parts of this article?

It does make sense to me, its kind of the reason I don't usually bring the aspergers/ASD up initially to introduce myself. Usually people know I am a metalhead who likes cats, Game of Thrones and other sort of fantasy theme stuff like Lord of the Rings and various other books, movies I guess sci-fi is interesting to, somewhat recently got into a game League of Legends....and you probably get the idea there's a lot more than 'I have aspergers' going on. Also its not as if only people with autism get into hobbies and things that aren't the most popular/typical so having the attitude you're interests and hobbies will by default be vastly different than a neurotypicals can give off condescending vibes I think.

That kind of sounds like being with the wrong people, there is no rule that says you have to be in a relationship with an entirely different world view than you. I do not think I could do that, they wouldn't have to agree 100% of the time on everything but its nice if there some similar views. Than me and my boyfriend for instance aren't always at odds trying to suppress our own worldviews to avoid conflict with the other, luckily that reflects my current relationship otherwise I doubt it would be lasting.

I don't know what my problem is. I feel so intruded upon by other people, but I the same time I long for someone to share experience with. But I'm not sure if I'm capable. I am just so fundamentally afraid of the dreaded "other." But without someone to share with, I feel like I am decaying inside.

Do you have any pets or are you able to have any? I know it's only an "in the meantime" kind of solution, but I find when I'm having the most trouble relating and connecting with people, that having animals to connect with can be good practice and also therapeutic for my soul (to counteract that "decaying" feeling you describe, which I think I am familiar with). It sort of helps keep you open to making connections, but it's much easier with animals than it is with people because animals don't lie and are easier to read and to trust for that reason (or at least I find so, anyway.) Pets are very accepting and don't expect as much from us as people do. And if you don't have experience with pets you can start with something small and simple, like a hamster or a rabbit.

Yes, I have two cats. They help a lot. Sometimes one will come and sit by me and I'll pet him and it makes me feel better. Cats are great. Mine are five year old brothers, both black.

I have two cats as well. One is an elderly male (16 this year), he is a black shorthair. He had an older brother but he passed away last summer, so I adopted a female brown tabby (mediumhair, who looks like a little bobcat) who is a year old. They are wonderful and they really do help day-to-day, just in relieving stress (petting animals can lower your blood pressure, too) and having some easy not-too-demanding companionship. I don't think I would be able to cope with life at all without some kind of animal friends, they make a big difference for me.

Some day, if I ever have the right kind of living arrangements (like a space with a yard of some kind) I would like to get a dog too, if I could afford it--I think it would be easier to socialise with a dog, because my city has dog parks and when you are out walking a dog there is an easy topic of conversation to talk about with others, especially other dog owners. They say dogs are good icebreakers in that way, and I always have a really hard time initiating conversation with people. Plus having a dog to walk every day would help get me out of the house but also I would feel safer being out without other people if I had a dog with me (I would likely get a larger breed like a German shephard or a lab mix).

Dogs are great too. I don't have one right now, but I'd love to get another one day. I think I'll be going for a smaller breed this time though. Maybe a pug.

Pugs are adorable, they are one of the small breeds that I would consider. I also would consider a Jack Russel, or a beagle (though they are more medium-sized).

Our family used to have a beagle named Clyde. He's living with my uncle and his family down in GA. I haven't seen him since Thanksgiving of 2013 when they left with him.