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Crushes are Hard!!

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0_equals_true
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06 Feb 2016, 1:04 pm

Have you sat together?

You could ask if he didn't mind if you sat with him.



0_equals_true
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06 Feb 2016, 1:09 pm

rdos wrote:
Hard, but enjoyable (at least for me). Once I get one, I typically don't want to get over it in a long time. :mrgreen:


I don't understand.

I suppose if it is light crush nothing serious just admiration that is one thing. However actual infatuation is hardly pleasant as time goes on.



rdos
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06 Feb 2016, 1:20 pm

0_equals_true wrote:
rdos wrote:
Hard, but enjoyable (at least for me). Once I get one, I typically don't want to get over it in a long time. :mrgreen:


I don't understand.

I suppose if it is light crush nothing serious just admiration that is one thing. However actual infatuation is hardly pleasant as time goes on.


Why not? I find it quite pleasant as time goes on. I think people today are too desperate, and expect things to develop at a very fast pace. Just cool down and let yourself get carried away with a real infatuation, and don't expect so much from it.



Sabreclaw
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06 Feb 2016, 5:07 pm

I haven't had a crush on someone in years. It's one of the perks of social isolation. You can't develop feelings for people if you don't know people.

I have to say, I much prefer things now than back when I knew people.



Kitty4670
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06 Feb 2016, 6:38 pm

Now I'm scared again, it's been 9 days without seeing him :cry: I'm now sad too. My life is pretty boring without the coffee house. And I think I'm not a very good catch.



The Grand Inquisitor
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06 Feb 2016, 7:41 pm

In my experience, crushes are much more trouble than they're worth, especially in cases where you haven't gotten to know your crush well, and are basing most of your feelings towards them on their physical attractiveness and an optimistic (and often untrue) idea of what they might be like.

I've found with crushes that I over-analyse everything they do when they're around me. and try to use every subtle action they make as evidence that they either are or aren't interested in me. The stronger my infatuation, and the more they're on my mind, the more my interpretations of their interest or lack there-of affect me on an emotional level. Moreover, when I have a crush on someone, it's much harder to focus on other people that are around that I could potentially formulate a relationship with. It becomes all about my crush and my crush only.

When most women I'm interested in can probably attract more eligible bachelors (this isn't pessimism on my part, it's based on facts I can get into upon request), getting emotionally attached can only end badly. All the crushes I've had have ended in only two ways. I've either discovered that they didn't reciprocate my interest, or it's ended inconclusively as a result of me or them moving on in such a way that we no longer frequent the same environment, but I would estimate that if I had expressed romantic feelings towards anyone in the latter group, they would not have been reciprocated.

That's not to say that I never take notice of someone that I might meet or see, but I don't allow myself to become emotionally attached to, fantasise about or spend an excessive amount of time thinking about them unless I have a substantial reason to believe that my romantic desires are reciprocated. That's how I've regulated my romantic feelings for 3 years now, and it's saved me a lot of heart-ache.

These are just my experiences with crushes, but I assume other people have similar experiences. Unless you're a very worthy romantic partner.at least in a materialistic sense, I would imagine you will have a difficult time finding a 'crush' that is also crushing on you in the same way. That's not to say that your crush won't be interested in you, but it's pretty unlikely that they will be as emotionally invested in you as you are in them, at least initially. That is one of the major reasons I avoid crushes.



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06 Feb 2016, 10:27 pm

I've never had a crush on someone I didn't know. Both of my major crushes were/ are friends.



rdos
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07 Feb 2016, 3:05 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
In my experience, crushes are much more trouble than they're worth, especially in cases where you haven't gotten to know your crush well, and are basing most of your feelings towards them on their physical attractiveness and an optimistic (and often untrue) idea of what they might be like.


I never base crushes on physical attractiveness, and I never know them well. If you do the former, I can very well understand that it ends badly.

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I've found with crushes that I over-analyse everything they do when they're around me. and try to use every subtle action they make as evidence that they either are or aren't interested in me. The stronger my infatuation, and the more they're on my mind, the more my interpretations of their interest or lack there-of affect me on an emotional level. Moreover, when I have a crush on someone, it's much harder to focus on other people that are around that I could potentially formulate a relationship with. It becomes all about my crush and my crush only.


Certainly. A strong crush even beats special interests and just about everything else too. That's the downside of it.

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
These are just my experiences with crushes, but I assume other people have similar experiences. Unless you're a very worthy romantic partner.at least in a materialistic sense, I would imagine you will have a difficult time finding a 'crush' that is also crushing on you in the same way. That's not to say that your crush won't be interested in you, but it's pretty unlikely that they will be as emotionally invested in you as you are in them, at least initially. That is one of the major reasons I avoid crushes.


Strangely, most of my crushes appeared to be reciprocated. Could be because I never get a crush on somebody that doesn't reciprocate the eye contact game, and those that do are both compatible and interested.



The Grand Inquisitor
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07 Feb 2016, 5:35 am

rdos wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
In my experience, crushes are much more trouble than they're worth, especially in cases where you haven't gotten to know your crush well, and are basing most of your feelings towards them on their physical attractiveness and an optimistic (and often untrue) idea of what they might be like.


I never base crushes on physical attractiveness, and I never know them well. If you do the former, I can very well understand that it ends badly.

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I've found with crushes that I over-analyse everything they do when they're around me. and try to use every subtle action they make as evidence that they either are or aren't interested in me. The stronger my infatuation, and the more they're on my mind, the more my interpretations of their interest or lack there-of affect me on an emotional level. Moreover, when I have a crush on someone, it's much harder to focus on other people that are around that I could potentially formulate a relationship with. It becomes all about my crush and my crush only.


Certainly. A strong crush even beats special interests and just about everything else too. That's the downside of it.

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
These are just my experiences with crushes, but I assume other people have similar experiences. Unless you're a very worthy romantic partner.at least in a materialistic sense, I would imagine you will have a difficult time finding a 'crush' that is also crushing on you in the same way. That's not to say that your crush won't be interested in you, but it's pretty unlikely that they will be as emotionally invested in you as you are in them, at least initially. That is one of the major reasons I avoid crushes.


Strangely, most of my crushes appeared to be reciprocated. Could be because I never get a crush on somebody that doesn't reciprocate the eye contact game, and those that do are both compatible and interested.


I'm talking crush in terms of someone you've spent a long time investing your emotions into. Not someone you eye at a bar.



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07 Feb 2016, 7:24 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
rdos wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
In my experience, crushes are much more trouble than they're worth, especially in cases where you haven't gotten to know your crush well, and are basing most of your feelings towards them on their physical attractiveness and an optimistic (and often untrue) idea of what they might be like.


I never base crushes on physical attractiveness, and I never know them well. If you do the former, I can very well understand that it ends badly.

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I've found with crushes that I over-analyse everything they do when they're around me. and try to use every subtle action they make as evidence that they either are or aren't interested in me. The stronger my infatuation, and the more they're on my mind, the more my interpretations of their interest or lack there-of affect me on an emotional level. Moreover, when I have a crush on someone, it's much harder to focus on other people that are around that I could potentially formulate a relationship with. It becomes all about my crush and my crush only.


Certainly. A strong crush even beats special interests and just about everything else too. That's the downside of it.

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
These are just my experiences with crushes, but I assume other people have similar experiences. Unless you're a very worthy romantic partner.at least in a materialistic sense, I would imagine you will have a difficult time finding a 'crush' that is also crushing on you in the same way. That's not to say that your crush won't be interested in you, but it's pretty unlikely that they will be as emotionally invested in you as you are in them, at least initially. That is one of the major reasons I avoid crushes.


Strangely, most of my crushes appeared to be reciprocated. Could be because I never get a crush on somebody that doesn't reciprocate the eye contact game, and those that do are both compatible and interested.


I'm talking crush in terms of someone you've spent a long time investing your emotions into. Not someone you eye at a bar.


Me too. Besides, I never go to bars.



Kitty4670
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07 Feb 2016, 2:59 pm

rdos wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
rdos wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
In my experience, crushes are much more trouble than they're worth, especially in cases where you haven't gotten to know your crush well, and are basing most of your feelings towards them on their physical attractiveness and an optimistic (and often untrue) idea of what they might be like.


I never base crushes on physical attractiveness, and I never know them well. If you do the former, I can very well understand that it ends badly.

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I've found with crushes that I over-analyse everything they do when they're around me. and try to use every subtle action they make as evidence that they either are or aren't interested in me. The stronger my infatuation, and the more they're on my mind, the more my interpretations of their interest or lack there-of affect me on an emotional level. Moreover, when I have a crush on someone, it's much harder to focus on other people that are around that I could potentially formulate a relationship with. It becomes all about my crush and my crush only.


Certainly. A strong crush even beats special interests and just about everything else too. That's the downside of it.

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
These are just my experiences with crushes, but I assume other people have similar experiences. Unless you're a very worthy romantic partner.at least in a materialistic sense, I would imagine you will have a difficult time finding a 'crush' that is also crushing on you in the same way. That's not to say that your crush won't be interested in you, but it's pretty unlikely that they will be as emotionally invested in you as you are in them, at least initially. That is one of the major reasons I avoid crushes.


Strangely, most of my crushes appeared to be reciprocated. Could be because I never get a crush on somebody that doesn't reciprocate the eye contact game, and those that do are both compatible and interested.


I'm talking crush in terms of someone you've spent a long time investing your emotions into. Not someone you eye at a bar.


Me too. Besides, I never go to bars.



When I first saw the guy at the coffee house in August (I think) he was handsome & attractive looking, but nothing more. I went to the coffee house more when I lost my internet in late September, I think he wanted my attention first, but I didn't know back then. In October, my attraction for him grew, my attraction is not only physical, but I'm attractive to him, cuz he's a very nice guy too & he seems understanding.



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07 Feb 2016, 3:17 pm

Kitty4670 wrote:
rdos wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
rdos wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
In my experience, crushes are much more trouble than they're worth, especially in cases where you haven't gotten to know your crush well, and are basing most of your feelings towards them on their physical attractiveness and an optimistic (and often untrue) idea of what they might be like.


I never base crushes on physical attractiveness, and I never know them well. If you do the former, I can very well understand that it ends badly.

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I've found with crushes that I over-analyse everything they do when they're around me. and try to use every subtle action they make as evidence that they either are or aren't interested in me. The stronger my infatuation, and the more they're on my mind, the more my interpretations of their interest or lack there-of affect me on an emotional level. Moreover, when I have a crush on someone, it's much harder to focus on other people that are around that I could potentially formulate a relationship with. It becomes all about my crush and my crush only.


Certainly. A strong crush even beats special interests and just about everything else too. That's the downside of it.

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
These are just my experiences with crushes, but I assume other people have similar experiences. Unless you're a very worthy romantic partner.at least in a materialistic sense, I would imagine you will have a difficult time finding a 'crush' that is also crushing on you in the same way. That's not to say that your crush won't be interested in you, but it's pretty unlikely that they will be as emotionally invested in you as you are in them, at least initially. That is one of the major reasons I avoid crushes.


Strangely, most of my crushes appeared to be reciprocated. Could be because I never get a crush on somebody that doesn't reciprocate the eye contact game, and those that do are both compatible and interested.


I'm talking crush in terms of someone you've spent a long time investing your emotions into. Not someone you eye at a bar.


Me too. Besides, I never go to bars.



When I first saw the guy at the coffee house in August (I think) he was handsome & attractive looking, but nothing more. I went to the coffee house more when I lost my internet in late September, I think he wanted my attention first, but I didn't know back then. In October, my attraction for him grew, my attraction is not only physical, but I'm attractive to him, cuz he's a very nice guy too & he seems understanding.


What has he done that's made you think he's interested in you?



Kitty4670
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07 Feb 2016, 3:56 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Kitty4670 wrote:
rdos wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
rdos wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
In my experience, crushes are much more trouble than they're worth, especially in cases where you haven't gotten to know your crush well, and are basing most of your feelings towards them on their physical attractiveness and an optimistic (and often untrue) idea of what they might be like.


I never base crushes on physical attractiveness, and I never know them well. If you do the former, I can very well understand that it ends badly.

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I've found with crushes that I over-analyse everything they do when they're around me. and try to use every subtle action they make as evidence that they either are or aren't interested in me. The stronger my infatuation, and the more they're on my mind, the more my interpretations of their interest or lack there-of affect me on an emotional level. Moreover, when I have a crush on someone, it's much harder to focus on other people that are around that I could potentially formulate a relationship with. It becomes all about my crush and my crush only.


Certainly. A strong crush even beats special interests and just about everything else too. That's the downside of it.

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
These are just my experiences with crushes, but I assume other people have similar experiences. Unless you're a very worthy romantic partner.at least in a materialistic sense, I would imagine you will have a difficult time finding a 'crush' that is also crushing on you in the same way. That's not to say that your crush won't be interested in you, but it's pretty unlikely that they will be as emotionally invested in you as you are in them, at least initially. That is one of the major reasons I avoid crushes.


Strangely, most of my crushes appeared to be reciprocated. Could be because I never get a crush on somebody that doesn't reciprocate the eye contact game, and those that do are both compatible and interested.


I'm talking crush in terms of someone you've spent a long time investing your emotions into. Not someone you eye at a bar.


Me too. Besides, I never go to bars.



When I first saw the guy at the coffee house in August (I think) he was handsome & attractive looking, but nothing more. I went to the coffee house more when I lost my internet in late September, I think he wanted my attention first, but I didn't know back then. In October, my attraction for him grew, my attraction is not only physical, but I'm attractive to him, cuz he's a very nice guy too & he seems understanding.


What has he done that's made you think he's interested in you?


Last month, I been reading about crushes, guys & reading guy's body language (I'm not good at that) I also read about guys liking women & not liking them too. He is showing alot of signs that he is interested in me, like little stuff he does for me, going out of his way to do extra things for me (I think I said it right) he waved at me & said something when I was in line, I didn't know he was talking to me, I was looking around seeing who he was waving & talking to, this was in October or November.



The Grand Inquisitor
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07 Feb 2016, 4:40 pm

Kitty4670 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Kitty4670 wrote:
rdos wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
rdos wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
In my experience, crushes are much more trouble than they're worth, especially in cases where you haven't gotten to know your crush well, and are basing most of your feelings towards them on their physical attractiveness and an optimistic (and often untrue) idea of what they might be like.


I never base crushes on physical attractiveness, and I never know them well. If you do the former, I can very well understand that it ends badly.

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I've found with crushes that I over-analyse everything they do when they're around me. and try to use every subtle action they make as evidence that they either are or aren't interested in me. The stronger my infatuation, and the more they're on my mind, the more my interpretations of their interest or lack there-of affect me on an emotional level. Moreover, when I have a crush on someone, it's much harder to focus on other people that are around that I could potentially formulate a relationship with. It becomes all about my crush and my crush only.


Certainly. A strong crush even beats special interests and just about everything else too. That's the downside of it.

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
These are just my experiences with crushes, but I assume other people have similar experiences. Unless you're a very worthy romantic partner.at least in a materialistic sense, I would imagine you will have a difficult time finding a 'crush' that is also crushing on you in the same way. That's not to say that your crush won't be interested in you, but it's pretty unlikely that they will be as emotionally invested in you as you are in them, at least initially. That is one of the major reasons I avoid crushes.


Strangely, most of my crushes appeared to be reciprocated. Could be because I never get a crush on somebody that doesn't reciprocate the eye contact game, and those that do are both compatible and interested.


I'm talking crush in terms of someone you've spent a long time investing your emotions into. Not someone you eye at a bar.


Me too. Besides, I never go to bars.



When I first saw the guy at the coffee house in August (I think) he was handsome & attractive looking, but nothing more. I went to the coffee house more when I lost my internet in late September, I think he wanted my attention first, but I didn't know back then. In October, my attraction for him grew, my attraction is not only physical, but I'm attractive to him, cuz he's a very nice guy too & he seems understanding.


What has he done that's made you think he's interested in you?


Last month, I been reading about crushes, guys & reading guy's body language (I'm not good at that) I also read about guys liking women & not liking them too. He is showing alot of signs that he is interested in me, like little stuff he does for me, going out of his way to do extra things for me (I think I said it right) he waved at me & said something when I was in line, I didn't know he was talking to me, I was looking around seeing who he was waving & talking to, this was in October or November.


From what you've said, it doesn't seem to me that he's really done anything to hint interest. Everything you described could be chalked down to friendliness.

It's possible that he's into you, but I wouldn't be resting my laurels on it if I were you.



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07 Feb 2016, 4:56 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Kitty4670 wrote:
Last month, I been reading about crushes, guys & reading guy's body language (I'm not good at that) I also read about guys liking women & not liking them too. He is showing alot of signs that he is interested in me, like little stuff he does for me, going out of his way to do extra things for me (I think I said it right) he waved at me & said something when I was in line, I didn't know he was talking to me, I was looking around seeing who he was waving & talking to, this was in October or November.


From what you've said, it doesn't seem to me that he's really done anything to hint interest. Everything you described could be chalked down to friendliness.

It's possible that he's into you, but I wouldn't be resting my laurels on it if I were you.


I wouldn't be able to know if he really is interested or not without observing the two of them, but I wouldn't be so dismissive. At least, I can identify very well with how she operates, and I would never pass on such a possibility, and I'm rarely wrong about interest. I'd say if it feels right, then it probably is too.



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07 Feb 2016, 5:26 pm

rdos wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Kitty4670 wrote:
Last month, I been reading about crushes, guys & reading guy's body language (I'm not good at that) I also read about guys liking women & not liking them too. He is showing alot of signs that he is interested in me, like little stuff he does for me, going out of his way to do extra things for me (I think I said it right) he waved at me & said something when I was in line, I didn't know he was talking to me, I was looking around seeing who he was waving & talking to, this was in October or November.


From what you've said, it doesn't seem to me that he's really done anything to hint interest. Everything you described could be chalked down to friendliness.

It's possible that he's into you, but I wouldn't be resting my laurels on it if I were you.


I wouldn't be able to know if he really is interested or not without observing the two of them, but I wouldn't be so dismissive. At least, I can identify very well with how she operates, and I would never pass on such a possibility, and I'm rarely wrong about interest. I'd say if it feels right, then it probably is too.


I'm not saying he definitely isn't interested, but there doesn't seem to be enough evidence to suggest either way.

In my experience, interpretations of interest from crushes are tainted by the person doing the crushing, mostly in favour of them.

I'm just saying she should have her guard up, because unrequited love is still a distinct possibility at this stage. And I know how much it can destroy you when you're too invested into someone.