Sad i don't have a sweetheart

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Why do people bother getting into relationships at all?

I believe you're not understanding me. There's no problem with wishing you had a relationship. Most singles do. Good relationships can be joyous and very fulfilling. If they weren't, people wouldn't pursue them.

But if you're so hung up on getting in a relationship that you start to believe that the ONLY way you can be happy is by being in one, you're giving full control of your emotions over to other people.

Replace a relationship with an expensive car.

If I want to buy an expensive car, but don't quite have the money just yet, I can look at it as something to aspire to, and hopefully achieve through the fruits of my labour, or just dumb luck.

On the other hand, if I want an expensive car, and I believe that happiness and an expensive car are synonymous, I'm going be miserable until I get an expensive car. Not only is that not healthy, but it decreases my productivity and will inevitably create a longer road before I get my expensive car.

And already formulated relationships are different altogether. Obviously if you're in a good relationship, you're going to be sad if it eventually fizzles out. But the healthy way to deal with that is to be sad for a little while and then move on.

If I crash my brand new expensive car into a tree (assuming it's uninsured of course), I'm going to be unhappy about it for a period of time, but I'm not living a very fulfilling life if I'm still just as hung up over it ten years later.

OP being used in the fashion he was is crappy, and of course he's going to be upset about it for a time.

But the fact that he claims he'll be 'happy and in heaven' if he gets into a relationship suggests to me that he believes relationships to be almost exclusively responsible for his happiness.

Are you sure these are your only standards?

So if an 84 year-old morbidly obese woman wanted a relationship with you and was willing to offer love, happiness and someone to talk to, you'd jump at the chance?

In relation to meeting people, joining interest/social groups is a good place to start. Better than approaching random people for conversation.

And please don't try to use Asperger's as an excuse not to do anything. I have Asperger's too, and I have approached random people in the past for conversation, and I'm also part of some groups, which have given me a much wider social network than I'd previously had.

If you're not willing to actually go out and meet people, I really don't know what you expect. If you can't meet people now, what makes you think you'll be able to muster up the courage to meet a girl you've been chatting to online?

Relationships are a big chunk of most people's happiness.

I'd post another ellipsis, but I shudder to think how you'll reply to that a second time.

Outrider, you are aware that people who are well off (not even rich just well off) have been attracting/purchasing potential mates with the promise of wealth for millennia now. It happens in every country, not just Scotland, so it must be common enough knowledge that you've heard about it. Yet despite knowing this, or perhaps even in spite of it, you make comments about it being lonely on the top, and money not being able to buy happiness/love.

A spouse that you buy with money may only love you because they feel indebted to you, or because your their ATM, but children that result from such a union have no ulterior motives, and their love is unconditional. Nowadays, you get women who sell their womb on the black market, to get themselves impregnated, and give birth to children for those that can afford it. Many wealthy women do the exact same thing with handsome young men.That's a bit black and white, I'd much rather play pic'n'mix with both options...

Well my views are more mainstream than yours, in that I wouldn't be capable of being with someone who I don't genuinely love and doesn't genuinely love me back, if even for the sake of having a kid I can fight custody for and if I get to keep them raise them to love their father unconditionally.

If you believe money buys you happiness, then that's good for you and I hope you achieve in life so that you may earn a high amount of money.

For me, personally though, I only feel I need to have the money required to live and sustain a happy, healthy life. Money for me isn't a cause of happiness, but simply a tool to assist me in maintaining happiness.

I'll admit what I said to sly was black and white though.

Very good question!

I personally didn't care about the opposite sex or other people in general for most of my life until the age of 29 when I woke up one day and finally noticed women as capable of offering something. Until then I had no intention of trying to be around one as I am not really a people person and prefer to be alone. I can go months or years even without any human interaction.

Complicating the matter further for me is that I have germ issues due to OCD and the mere thought of swapping spit with another human being disgusts me much less holding hands with one. Meanwhile the idea of having a companion is intriguing to me. In the grand scheme of things I suppose it don't really matter as I'm not going to change therefore it's a moot point.

I think you will find that the majority of happy people in this world are those who acquire money, and subsequently use it to buy things that either directly or indirectly grant them happiness.You are aware that you just confessed that money buys/maintains your happiness, right?
Okay, just checking.

@ Everyone Else.

As Outrider painfully pointed out above, money is literally needed to both live and sustain a happy, healthy life, even if you manage to live a happy life entirely off the charity of others, you're health and happiness would still have been bought with money, their money.

The best thing about money is that you don't have to have a lot of it to buy some happiness, in some cases, even just the act of earning/having/spending it can give you good feels.

Sure, you do have the option of forsaking civilization with all of it's technology and tools, and going back to nature to live off of the land. Genuinely though, how happy would you be in the wild, in a world where money doesn't exist? Anytime something broke you'd have to fix it yourself, assuming you had the foresight to buy the things you needed to survive in the wild, oh wait, there was that word buy again.

Though I guess if you were to completely give up on money, then you'd have to go into the wild naked and unarmed. Since money would have been used to purchase your clothes, and/or even the materials if you made your own. Depending on the climate, a person could reasonably survive in the wild with nothing more than their wits, but just how happy would they be, I reckon that they'd eventually break down until there was no longer a person, just the twisted shell of one.

Let me make something clear, the "be happy without finding love" is a good advice but I think it mostly works for people who have already been in relationships and who are in a pariod where they are single. For example it is a good advice for someone who has just gone through a broke-up and now feels needy.
However if we talk about a guy in his late twinties who was never able to get into anything that could resemble a relationship despite desiring it, then it is a bit different and there is something wrong with it. In that case you just can't help but feeling wrong and lonely.

D**k move, bro. I think it's obvious that there are just some minimal standards. For example if a female octopus alien would come over, I doubt even the guy who'd go for the 84 obese woman would say yes.

You know that AS can appear in different ways, right? Maybe he has more social anxiety than you, don't make such comparisons. Still he should try, but don't you use this inquisitory tone.

Well it is different because you know her more then. It's not like you are approaching someone you know nothing about.

@ The Grand Inquisitor
The hardest part about meeting new people is the judgement, communicating your feels, and not giving in to fear. Three things that are significant easier to do in front of a television monitor in the comfort and security of your fortress of solitude, bedroom, living room, study, ect.

@ Peacesells
Have you ever actually met someone from the Internet face-to-face? I have, and even knowing a lot about them I still felt pretty anxious, on some level I still feel a little anxious when meeting up with people from the Internet, especially from the Dark Web.

I do personally see a difference as money being a cause of happiness, and money simply being one (of many) tools to acquire/maintain happiness.

I'm saying money is a piece of many things required for one to be happy, and is not the cause of happiness itself.

The way you say it, implies to me you believe 'You ONLY need money to be happy '.

In short, I disagree, and believe money is but one piece, one part, one aspect, of happiness as a whole.

I don't believe money in itself will make one happy, or at least won't make me happy.

And about the 'going into the wild' argument and how we'd react if we were suddenly stripped of materialistic things. Well I simply think modern man wasn't raised/conditioned to survive in the wild. If we were from birth, we'd have learnt to be 'happy' even without money/a nice warm home/etc.

Of course i want someone more at my age. You seem to blow this out of proportions. No need for that. This was supposed to be a friendly chat. As someone else said Aspergers affects people in different ways. I'm usually very shy and reserved when I meet new people. There is this center that I'm occasionally at where i can talk to people, but i think it will be very hard for me to all of the sudden just start up a conversation with someone. I only start up a conversation with people i know. I don't know anybody there. I think I will have courage to meet someone face to face that I've talked to online. It's different then. I know the person more then.

Twist it whichever way you like, the bottom line will always be that money buys happiness.

Though I probably shouldn't say this, I find your attempts to cloud and complicate the issue to be somewhat mildly amusing, though not nearly as amusing as your reluctance to admit outright that money pays for your happiness. May I ask, why?

I did and I didn't have problems, but not people from the Dark Web.

I'm just trying to collect the facts so I see where he's coming from. Obviously it's granted that he's looking for a human (he's given us no reason to believe otherwise), but he gave no perimeters in terms of age and appearance. All he said was he wanted a girl to love who will love him back. That really didn't answer my question. Perhaps I should rephrase it.

OP, what are you looking for in a girl in terms of physical appearance, character traits, moral values and employment/economic status? And what can you offer a girl in terms of physical appearance, character traits, moral values and employment/economic status?

And yes, I understand AS affects people in different ways. I used to be incredibly shy too, until I adopted the belief that shyness was an excellent excuse to assign blame to exterior factors for my shortcomings, so I realised that there is risk involved with talking to people, but not talking to people is an even greater failure.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not the king of social interactions by any means, but I have developed strategies and thought processes to combat the anxiety I face when considering talking to people.

Perhaps my initial advice about being happy with yourself doesn't correctly capture the message I'm trying to convey. Let me try putting it this way.

Correct me if I'm wrong here OP, but I would assert that you probably feel like girls can't be interested in you for some reason or another. Now if that's how you feel now, don't you think if you felt like it was very possible that girls could be interested in you, you would not be sad, or at least not to the degree you are now?

When I say being happy with yourself, what I'm really trying to say is doing your best to get yourself to the point where you feel like a worthwhile romantic partner. Where you honestly wouldn't be able to understand why girls would choose other guys over you if things happened that way.

As for meeting people from online, granted it js a little bit easier than meeting a stranger, but the difference is marginal unless you've video or voice called them beforehand, at least in my experience.

And about my inquisitory tone... I'm really not sure what else you'd expect from someone whose username is The Grand Inquisitor.

Happy with yourself is 100% within your control.

A sweetheart? Not so much.