Getting a girlfriend feels like an impossible task

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Indeed. Very well worded.

I can empathize. I have had a few people approach me in my life though. Most of them turned out to have serious psychological issues (one believed that I was the ghost of a dead mobster, another tried to stab me one morning while I was eating breakfast, and in public no less). A very good friend of mine, someone I think is really nice propositioned me. The only problem with that is that I'm not gay.

I've had a crush on a girl named Claire for a few years. We were good friends for a while first of course. Whenever somebody is exceedingly aggressive or rude towards me, I just sort of sit there and take it. Whenever she was around though, she'd stand up for me. We used to talk and do things together every day. The first time she invited me over to her place to play video games and watch sketch comedy on Netflix I was so excited! That was probably the highlight of that whole year for me.

Last year, when the two of us were alone on a little expedition into a wooded area not for from the town where we live, I told her that I had romantic feelings for her. I actually started off with something along the lines of "I feel like I'm going to faint," because I was extremely nervous and not breathing properly, but I got it out shortly thereafter.

Unfortunately, she didn't share my feelings. She was very polite about the whole thing and said that we could still be friends, but now it's kind of awkward because she lives with her current boyfriend, who she got together with just a few months ago and he knows that I have (or at least had) feelings for Claire. It is made better by the fact that he's a friendly and generally respectable person. Though it would be easy for someone in my position to wish ill upon him, I don't think I could rationally justify it. After all, she's happy with him and he seems like a fairly nice person.

It had been a long time since I'd had feelings for someone and I don't know how long it'll be until I meet someone else I can feel that way about, who I know I can trust, who's reasonably emotionally stable and holds similar moral values to mine. I don't know if it makes it better or worse that I see her every day. As a matter of fact, she's sitting between ten and twenty feet from me right now. If I looked just past my monitor, I could see her face.

You know, I often hear the stereotype that all men are just out for sex and don't really care for having an emotionally intimate relationship with a specific person. Sometimes, I wish there was some truth to that. It would make everything so much more simple, if quite shallow. Like I said, it's been years since I've felt anything for anyone else. Unfortunately, we don't have the power to control what some strange, instinctive part of us compels us to pursue.

The first question should be, is there any reason to expect it to be possible? It's a privilege and has to be earned.

No it isnt. Its just something that happens when you meet someone who is attracted to you and comparable and both of you make an effort to get to know each other and spend time together. There is no one keeping score and handing out girlfriends.

one guy I recently became friends with one facebook, told me he has never had a girlfriend before and he just turned 35!, damn!

The answer is quite simple; The 'some guys who seemingly get girlfriends so effortlessly' have no standards, they just socialize with any girl and thats like throwing a bag of fishfood into the water, some fish are bound to come for it.

People who are romantic tend to be idealists, they want a picture perfect and look for specific people, narrowing the chance to find anyone that has any interest in you.

I personally am a used to be romantic currently with zero insecurities, i easily socialise with every person i meet but i just have no interest in relationships, thats why i have no gf and dont care about it.

(just for the record, im 32, a virgin by choice despite some 90% sexual encounters who has had 2 girlfriends in his whole life and has been living alone for almost 20 years)

Also, some people are more attractive and more charming than others. I'm not one of them but its true. Pretending it's not and pretending that everybody is going to, or should only be, interested in character is a joke. That won't happen. But we are usually better than we think we are and can do better than we think if we work on it and try.

and those users are often Katy, wilburforce and sometimes androbot.

It's much more fair for the other women on this WP is to name the few ones who do these attacks and putting words in mouths.

"Getting a girlfriend" is normal expression in English.

"I have a husband"
"I have a boyfriend"
"I got a new boyfriend"...etc

Doesn't mean they're objects to be acquired.

There's a thread here:

Getting a Boyfriend is HARD!!
Started by Kitty4670


But of course, those three wouldn't accuse her of seeing guys as object.

Both times I ended up in a long term relationship I went on the date thinking "she seems okay but I'm not going to think of anything beyond meeting her". I heard the old cliché that when you know you know and I understand that. If I had to been the super-NT phony on a date with my Fiancée, she would have been permanently turned off by my act. The biggest thing I learned is to not apologize for being yourself and stand your ground.

When you find the right one, you will kick yourself for thinking it was impossible and realize your 'wish list' was a load of BS. We had few common hobbies but grew into them as we spent more time together. Still have not had a single fight and I am as stubborn as an Ox as is she. Looking back a little over a year ago, it would seem impossible but I have done the "impossible". I've already surpassed my brother in terms of relationship success (we have now merged almost everything together including finances, something he hasn't done) and he has been married 7 years. Again, that would have been beyond my wildest dreams last Christmas.

Ironically enough I had a 'rule' that said I was only interested in dating someone 8 years younger to 4 years older that I relaxed a week before I met her. I assumed that my inexperience would turn people off. I assumed that living with my parents until 29 would be a deal-breaker. Little did I know that she would have even less experienced and lived even longer with her parents. So, you could say I had to earn it but I learned the reason scientists, engineers, etc struggle so much with relationships is because THERE IS NO FORMULA!!

Even that wouldn't work for everybody. Many steps usually considered too trivial to think about them are insurmountable obstacles to some people. For example, "socializing" would be one to me.

It happens because you put yourself in places where compatible people for you are more likely to be found.

If we attack people personally as much as you say, then why haven't you reported these personal attacks and why haven't I heard anything from the mods about it? If we prolifically personally attack people wouldn't we have been banned by now? This seems like a spurious (and slanderous) claim to me.

You want me to point a few out? The problem with you is you are quite arrogant and obsessed with being "right" at the expense of everything else. It's actually quite difficult for me to believe it is not intentional that you are as condescending as you are. You have a special talent for it. It's hard to be that effective without hostile intent.

I don't really care what you believe about me, but I would ask that you please stop personally insulting me. If you can't do that, then please don't speak to me or about me.

Make me.

My personal opinion is that when one member asks another to lay off and stop interacting with them, then doing so is a form of respect and good manners, whether you like them or not. To persist posting to a member in that circumstance can be seen as a form of harassment and baiting. This issue has caused a lot of trouble on WP lately and I hope that it will cease because these tit for tat tennis games never end well and threads end up locked.

One person's "right to keep posting" is not greater than another person's "right to be left alone", IMO. Cool it and interact with other people instead of badmouthing a perceived enemy. Peace!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!