Boy Meets AspieGirl

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UPDATE:

I'll try and make this as short as possible but, we all know I can't!! So let's see if I can, no promises though

She did go up there just after midnight and she did text me to come up there like she said she would. Woot woot. We talked and covered a wide variety of topics and subjects, some personal some not. I asked her questions about how Asperger's personally affects her and found out so much information.

Shortly after two hours I brought the message up. After all it was on my mind the entire time. When I did she instantly swore she did not deleted and that I should resend it to her because she wanted to read it and know what it said. I told her I could do one better and read it to her. Before I did, I announced that I did have some feelings for her, feeling more then just a friendship. That's what the message was but in 5 paragraph's I told her. (Yes I'm not the smoothest guy out there lol) "Do you still want to hear it I ask?" "Sure" she said.

Nervous as all hell, heart racing faster then Formula-F1 car, I quickly mustard up enough confidence to start reading it. At one point while reading her eyes began to tear up, the part with how I don't think things happen by chance and cliche's exist for a reason part. She wiped them away, and softly said "I agree". I continued on until I was finished reading.

She did the gulp/swallow thing probably to regain composure, and said "That was seriously the most beautiful thing anyone has read to me, it was, it was really really beautiful and deep". "I'm soo sorry that I don't feel that way about you though please don't hate me". "No I don't" I said. "And please when you go home don't overthink this and think you did something or something you could have done to change things" she said." I responded with "No it's okay, I'm totally fine with that, you were completely honest and that feels good, I have no regrets and I feel better that it's out there, I really do!"

"Okay good. But just so you know, that's some powerful stuff I could use later, that I could have use earlier like a few months ago. To hear those words are going to stay with me and make a lasting impression me. You should email that to me just the way it is so if I'm feeling discouraged or down I can read this again whenever I want, because now I'm at this point in my life where, I don't feel sexy, I don't feel beautiful or pretty but, the positive energy you just sent my way, will be very useful to me. I needed that! Thank you sooo much for that".

We talked for maybe another 20 minutes. I went home not feeling reject or hurt, or ashamed or anything bad. It was weird, it still is, even as I type this now. I feel calm, joyful, at ease if you will. I'm not sure what I gained last night but whatever it is...It's a wonderful feeling

The consensus around here has been I went way too fast, way too soon. I'm always afraid that window of opportunity will close like, we as guys only have a short period of time before we are "friendzoned" for ever lol. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing for me personally because every woman I dated including my ex-wife, I came to meet through a platonic female friend.

As far as your story goes when ever you have a spare moment I would love to hear your story that you are willing to share with me. Being that you are nearly 20 year older than me, I'm sure you have plenty more experience in life in general. I'm always willing to listen and learn what I can. Es specially when it's a free lesson! So please, PM me.

Your story from start to finish has touched me as well in a way.

That ending, while didn't win you a relationship, is still amazing in that you touched her, truly made her feel special.

She sounds like someone who has rarely had anyone in her life think positively of her and like her for who she is, and possibly have low confidence or self-esteem.

It was noble of you to make her feel the way she did.

I did the same myself and made a girl happy of the fact that, yes, in reality, a male CAN be attracted to her but she never felt one could be and any guy would ever want to date her.

I had similar results - rejected, but happy all the same that I helped her.

Like I said before, you do sound like a good person who clearly wants what's best for her and first and foremost just wants her to be happy, without sacrificing your own happiness. You're clearly also not one of those selfish, manipulative 'nice guys' or anything.

From the start you've been considerate of her feelings and not wanted to hurt her like she has been in the past. You've shown this, except for the fact that you rushed. But that was just good ol' human impatience, something perfectly normal and natural.

You gave it a shot, an effort, a genuine, solid effort, and in the end have been rewarded with so much more. Knowledge of Aspergers, but most of all, hope for yourself. Hope for your future endaveours to find someone. But best of all, you've given hope to her. Hope that a man will truly love her someday. She's been hurt in the past, by her ex-husband, and that other man she loves but he doesn't love her back. You've reminded her there's someone out there for her, and she'll find him when she's good and ready.

Your next step, however, which you've already started, is to learn from your mistakes. Your mistake being you rushed.

I personally don't believe in the 'friendzone', and believe when it comes to most women, they're either attracted to you from the beginning or not. A lot of men think the 'friendzone' can be 'avoided' or you can 'get out of it', but usually when you meet a new woman, from the very beginning not long after meeting you she will have made up her mind about you, just as you may have your mind about her made up.

@Outrider and everyone else lol plus; UPDATE:

Thanks again for the insight Outrider. According to your profile it states your 17. But I must say you are definitely wiser well beyond your age. I appreciate all the wisdom you have given me over the week, it means a lot to me, and more importantly glad I could reach out to and touch someone. Like I said in the very beginning of starting this story/blog, my goal was not only for myself but, to help others get an insight and hope for all, to find love, and share the difficulties that come with it.

Yesterday was a good day. While at work she texted me out of the blue just tell tell me how her day was going and some of the things she did. Even though I didn't have a chance to read the text hours later it was still a nice feeling. I feel now that we have a bonding, a stronger friendship then before and it's great!! I'm happy with how everything turned out.

When things seemed to be at it's darkest point, light was shed upon the situation and I want everyone to know no matter how bad things seem just keep holding on to hope and put faith in everything you do, whether it's relationship wise or everyday task, finding a job, working on school work, anything, just stay positive.

One thing I can say is this; I was right about our paths needing to cross and there is a purpose, she is an awesome person which I always knew from the beginning, and now I can confidently say she is my awesome friend!!

Last edited by erkyo on 09 Mar 2016, 11:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

@Outrider and everyone else lol plus; UPDATE:

Thanks again for the insight Outrider. According to your profile it states your 17. But I must say you are definitely wiser well beyond your age. I appreciate all the wisdom you have given me over the week, it means a lot to me, and more importantly glad I could reach out to and touch someone. Like I said in the very beginning of starting this story/blog, my goal was not only for myself but, to help others get an insight and hope for all, to find love, and share the difficulties that come with it.

Yesterday was a good day. While at work she texted me out of the blue just tell tell me how her day was going and some of the things she did. Even though I didn't have a chance to read the text hours later it was still a nice feeling. I feel now that we have a bonding, a stronger friendship then before and it's great!! I'm happy with how everything turned out.

When things seemed to be at it's darkest point, light was shed upon the situation and I want everyone to know no matter how bad things seem just keep holding on to hope and put faith in everything you do, whether it's relationship wise or everyday task, finding a job, working on school work, anything, just stay positive.

One thing I can say is this; I was right about our paths needing to cross and there is a purpose, she is an awesome person which I always knew from the beginning, and now I can confidently say she is my awesome friend!!

UPDATE:

Have things taken a twist?? I'm confused now more then ever. I definitely need a female's perceptive. Please help.

So every night since my last update I have met up with her at the "usual spot". We talked for hours every time. The thing is this; she is always bringing up sex or explicit details about her body in a sexual way. What I mean is out of the blue she talks about her past sex partners, details about her vagina, her breast things like that.

It's almost top the point where as I guy I'm totally turned on but I changed the subject because at the same time I want to remain being a gentleman. She knows I have the house to myself this weekend. I already asked her over but she said and I quote "I shouldn't". It wasn't I can't or do not want to but like I said " I shouldn't. Now we both haven't had sex in years. Is this her way of saying, Let's just have sex. She's already admitted before, she used to like having sex alot and really really enjoy doing so. SO Should I just ask her in a way like 'Hey do you wanna just f**k"? Pardon me being so open about this?

I mean ya....I would really love to do so, she has an incredible body, and like I said we both have not had sex in years.

So what should I do. I really need a females point of view here. Tonight would be ideal.

I dont want her to feel rejected by me but at the sometime I don'twant to come off as being a horn dog.

Keep in mind that there's a good chance she's just saying what's on her mind and there is no innuendo behind it.

Alternatively, she may be sexually frustrated and the reason she said that she "shouldn't" is because she is worried she will do something that she will regret later.

Thanks for giving me a perspective from a female on this matter. I'm sure you are absolutely correct about her being sexually frustrated, I know I can be but, I try not to think about it. I think more or less though, it was more of her just speaking her mind without a filter.

Thanks again!!

You're welcome

UPDATE:

Haven't updated in awhile. I feel like I just had a major break through.

So we have been talking and seeing each other at the usual spot almost every night. And if not at least a little text here and there between the two of because I know some days she just needs "her time". Which is perfectly fine with me. I respect all things that she does.

Any how.. so tonight she needs to "decompress". She can text but just can't do the whole social face to face thing. I'm quite alright with that as our conversations have no limits by which means they convey through.

We are talking about multiple subjects talking just as fast through our text word as we would in person. At one point I asked oh aren't you and him a thing (referring to the guy in Louisiana in case you haven't read this far).

She said and I quote "I broke ot off with him a few months ago but still harbor feelings of love and commitment for him"

Just before that I told her and pretty much reassured her how I felt again. I basically said that I knew I couldn't change her heart and, how she felt about me and, I'm okay with hat. I just wanted to get past those feeling because I know she is great person and I want to be friends no matter what. Just a reminder to all keeping track, we had several topics going on texting back in forth. The text were furious tonight, but in all good spirits.

Her exact response via text "I understand. If I was into dating I'd probably try to date you. Your'e pretty similar to me and have awesome traits."

"I'm just in survival mode right now and not into dating the last few years"

"Think of me being a monk. A totally nonjudgmental, helpful, loving person with too much on my plate to even think about romantic relationships."


How GREAT IS THIS??????????

I mean....This changes everything does it not???

Am I completely losing it or does it seem like, she is totally into me but, just not ready for it?? I can handle that! I can wait for her to be ready. I just want it make sure I am not the only one seeing this.

If it is true what I'm seeing here, she just needs time. I am sooooo absolutely okay with that. If she needs to be friends until then, I'm game. She is freaking awesome and worth it. The first kiss will be so much better then I think. Yes, I'm going there. Because now I know it will happen and not wondering if, it's just a matter of time now.


Smilkey face for DAYS NOW!! !!

She wants you to think of her as a monk?
Who doesn't even want to think about romantic relationships?

Yep, it sounds like she's totally into you.

On a positive note, At least I have that going for me. When is the last time anyone told you to think of them in any kind of way?

Not a good sign in my expereinces, I'm sorry.

But good to see you're still updating.

The aspie female I was attracted to became friends with me and said she was the kind of person I could talk to about anything and everything and she wouldn't judge or would help me with a problem, no matter how unusual it was, but obviously not if it was wrong.

I see a bit of a parallel here.

Seems you've been 'friendzoned'.

You can hold out and hope she comes around, and I'm certainly rooting for you and hoping it turns out better than it did for me.

But, now might be a good time to start seeing other options, and put your feelings aside, at least for a little while, because the future is uncertain and it's clear you're putting far too much of your emotions into this person.

You're not doing bad, per se, but you can't grow too attached than you already are. It's going down the path where you're reading into nearly everything she says and trying to find a bigger meaning to it - looking for 'evidence' that she likes you.

I'm not sure if Aspie females even have a friendzone. To me, the whole friend concept is alien, and I'm pretty much unable to distinguish if I'm friends with, have a romantic interest, or even a relationship with a woman.



Agreed. That's always a danger.



Yes. If it was me, I'd be pretty certain if she liked me or not, but in this particular case, I also have some doubts. It doesn't appear like he can read the signs properly, or at least, he cannot explain rationally why he think she is.

It is true that some neurodiverse people can develop feelings by hanging-out, but it's not something that is universal.

Even after reading this is difficult to process. That's a lot of text.

I can't tell you not to obsess but definitely consider timing, and not to hide your feelings forever.

Good luck - though sounds you've already got that on your side

A monk is someone who takes a lifelong vow to give up any form of sexual or romantic relations.
I don't see how it is a good sign to ask someone who is obviously romantically interested in them to think of them in that way.