Best medium to first contact a girl after first meeting her.

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Yigeren
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24 Mar 2016, 3:54 am

I hate Facebook. I never even look at my account. I would most definitely prefer a text, as I never am without my phone.



rdos
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24 Mar 2016, 3:57 am

alex wrote:
Text is better because girls don't always check facebook.


If they don't, then they make no effort and probably aren't interested enough to bother with. To select-out girls that make no effort is a major priority for me. Most people at dating sites are people that make no effort and they are mostly out for immediate gratification. You don't want people like that for partners.



rdos
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24 Mar 2016, 4:02 am

Yigeren wrote:
I hate Facebook. I never even look at my account. I would most definitely prefer a text, as I never am without my phone.


If you sent me a text, I might read it next year. I really hate to be "always reachable", so I seldom have my phone turned on. And I have no idea how to text with it. Might be a generation issue, but I do use email and forums a lot.



alex
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24 Mar 2016, 4:10 am

rdos wrote:
alex wrote:
Text is better because girls don't always check facebook.


If they don't, then they make no effort and probably aren't interested enough to bother with. To select-out girls that make no effort is a major priority for me. Most people at dating sites are people that make no effort and they are mostly out for immediate gratification. You don't want people like that for partners.


Some people don't use facebook very often. Doesn't mean they aren't interested.

Pretty much everyone I know checks their texts all the time.


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24 Mar 2016, 4:11 am

Agree rdos.

People who hate facebook, not sure why they have an account in the first place.

Besides, not everyone uses is as a narcissistic, vane paradise, and you can simply block those that do.

For me, facebook is my primary method of communication, almost always on my home computer, and I only use me cell phone for speaking to others, not texting.

I have an aversion to typing on the phone, and all the social rules and ettiquette regarding texting. I also can't hear their tone of voice, etc. and pick up other non-verbal signals that text can't always convey. I'm just grateful my friends find messaging just as awkward as I do, facebook or otherwise.

I am not one of those aspies that can't speak on the phone - I do decent.

If facebook messenger app on the phone doesn't count, I have never sent a text in my life.

And yeah, people prefer texting in general.



alex
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24 Mar 2016, 4:13 am

rdos wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
This isn't much about online dating tho, in life when you get to know someone briefly in some event and you think there's potential, then you would need some way to follow-up hoping to arrange something later. I agree that it shouldn't be used to form bonds.


Meeting somebody briefly in an event often doesn't lead anywhere for me. It's more or less a requirement that we will meet regularly, otherwise, nothing will happen. Sometimes meeting somebody briefly in an event can trigger people to attend similar events just to be able to meet again, and then it could become productive as this requires some effort. The Facebook thing can be a complement when you meet only occasionally in real life and you want to get to know more about each others between seeing each others in real life.


met one GF briefly at an event. We dated for a year. . .


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Yigeren
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24 Mar 2016, 4:24 am

rdos wrote:
Yigeren wrote:
I hate Facebook. I never even look at my account. I would most definitely prefer a text, as I never am without my phone.


If you sent me a text, I might read it next year. I really hate to be "always reachable", so I seldom have my phone turned on. And I have no idea how to text with it. Might be a generation issue, but I do use email and forums a lot.



I gave up on Facebook about 6 years ago when all these people I didn't know "friended" me because they knew somebody that I went to school with and barely knew back then. And then I would get bombarded with requests to join in on stupid games. This was before it was easier to block game requests. I also do not care to hear about every minute detail about everyone's lives, and to see them post videos/pictures of their kids/dogs/cats and update their profile pictures every week with selfies, which only indicates how preoccupied they are with their own appearances.

I rarely check my email because I am lazy. I am guessing it is likely a generational thing.



rdos
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24 Mar 2016, 4:26 am

alex wrote:
Some people don't use facebook very often. Doesn't mean they aren't interested.


I think we have different levels for what we regard as interest. For me, a girl that doesn't actively seek contact with me is not interested. Simple as that. If it is with eye-contact in real life, or trying to find me online like on Facebook, doesn't matter a lot. However, texting is a direct means of communication with a particular person, so it cannot be used to express only interest or convey information in a cryptical way. I have never given my phone number to a girl, or asked for her phone number, and I probably never will either. That's because I don't think texting or phone calls belong in the getting-to-know-each-others-phase. That should be done in real life where you can see each others.



alex
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24 Mar 2016, 4:28 am

rdos wrote:
alex wrote:
Some people don't use facebook very often. Doesn't mean they aren't interested.


I think we have different levels for what we regard as interest. For me, a girl that doesn't actively seek contact with me is not interested. Simple as that. If it is with eye-contact in real life, or trying to find me online like on Facebook, doesn't matter a lot. However, texting is a direct means of communication with a particular person, so it cannot be used to express only interest or convey information in a cryptical way. I have never given my phone number to a girl, or asked for her phone number, and I probably never will either. That's because I don't think texting or phone calls belong in the getting-to-know-each-others-phase. That should be done in real life where you can see each others.


it must be a generational thing


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24 Mar 2016, 4:32 am

Even a girl my age who had a crush on me, she was awkward with facebook and rarely replied to my messages and said she doesn't go on facebook much but to talk to her in class.

I agree rdos people who are interested will make the effort. It took her a few days to respond but she at least told me she doesn't use facebook very much and prefers talking in real life.

It's not a generational thing.

If anything it's ironic people are possibly using facebook less and replacing texting with it.

Facebook messenger app anyone?



rdos
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24 Mar 2016, 4:43 am

Yigeren wrote:
I gave up on Facebook about 6 years ago when all these people I didn't know "friended" me because they knew somebody that I went to school with and barely knew back then.


I'm very particular about whom I accept as friends. I won't accept friend requests unless I know somebody and want to keep in touch with them. OTOH, people really don't need to be friends with me to follow me because I post everything publicly.

Yigeren wrote:
And then I would get bombarded with requests to join in on stupid games. This was before it was easier to block game requests.


Yes, that was a real pain. Nowadays it's pretty easy to block them or ignore the requests, so it's not really a big problem anymore.

Yigeren wrote:
I also do not care to hear about every minute detail about everyone's lives, and to see them post videos/pictures of their kids/dogs/cats and update their profile pictures every week with selfies, which only indicates how preoccupied they are with their own appearances.


True. I mostly use Facebook to post about interesting stuff I find online, and I really don't care if people like it or not. Then I use it to keep up-to-date with events that I'm interested in. I rarely read people's status updates, as most of them are boring.

Yigeren wrote:
I rarely check my email because I am lazy. I am guessing it is likely a generational thing.


I suppose so. Daughter has her phone on a lot, texts a lot, writes a lot of status updates on FB, and never reads her email. :wink:



rdos
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24 Mar 2016, 4:55 am

alex wrote:
rdos wrote:
alex wrote:
Some people don't use facebook very often. Doesn't mean they aren't interested.


I think we have different levels for what we regard as interest. For me, a girl that doesn't actively seek contact with me is not interested. Simple as that. If it is with eye-contact in real life, or trying to find me online like on Facebook, doesn't matter a lot. However, texting is a direct means of communication with a particular person, so it cannot be used to express only interest or convey information in a cryptical way. I have never given my phone number to a girl, or asked for her phone number, and I probably never will either. That's because I don't think texting or phone calls belong in the getting-to-know-each-others-phase. That should be done in real life where you can see each others.


it must be a generational thing


I doubt it. We had phones when I was in my 20s, and guys asked girls for their phone number back then too. I'm sure Kraftie or somebody else from the same generation can confirm that. :mrgreen:

As for what is interest, that might be partly generational as people today appears to be a lot more superficial. That doesn't mean it's a good idea to regard a girl as interested only based on answering a text or giving out her phone number. That could go very wrong for somebody that easily becomes obsessive.

I find it more likely that these differences are based in neurodiversity rather than being cultural or generational.



rdos
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24 Mar 2016, 5:09 am

Outrider wrote:
Facebook messenger app anyone?


I don't use it a lot. Sometimes I will start a conversation with somebody with similar interests about some recent happening, but other than that, I won't use it. I certainly will not use it for small-talk.



The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Mar 2016, 6:45 am

But rdos is right on thing: if the girl is really interested, she will reply regardless of the medium - even if she read it delayed.



yellowtamarin
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24 Mar 2016, 6:09 pm

rdos wrote:
alex wrote:
Text is better because girls don't always check facebook.

If they don't, then they make no effort and probably aren't interested enough to bother with. To select-out girls that make no effort is a major priority for me. Most people at dating sites are people that make no effort and they are mostly out for immediate gratification. You don't want people like that for partners.
rdos wrote:
If you sent me a text, I might read it next year. I really hate to be "always reachable", so I seldom have my phone turned on. And I have no idea how to text with it. Might be a generation issue, but I do use email and forums a lot.

You might check Facebook frequently but not your phone, other people might check their phone frequently but not Facebook. I don't think it's fair to judge someone on the medium that they prefer (unless for some other reason that is actually important to you).



rdos
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25 Mar 2016, 3:47 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
rdos wrote:
alex wrote:
Text is better because girls don't always check facebook.

If they don't, then they make no effort and probably aren't interested enough to bother with. To select-out girls that make no effort is a major priority for me. Most people at dating sites are people that make no effort and they are mostly out for immediate gratification. You don't want people like that for partners.
rdos wrote:
If you sent me a text, I might read it next year. I really hate to be "always reachable", so I seldom have my phone turned on. And I have no idea how to text with it. Might be a generation issue, but I do use email and forums a lot.

You might check Facebook frequently but not your phone, other people might check their phone frequently but not Facebook. I don't think it's fair to judge someone on the medium that they prefer (unless for some other reason that is actually important to you).


The intention was not to judge people. Rather, if two people really are interested in each others then they will make contact one way or another. At least, I won't assume somebody has a genuine interest because they decide to give me their number or write something to me on a dating site. That could be for many reasons other than romantic interest. OTOH, if a girl makes an effort to find me on Facebook, or decides to go to similar places as I do, then I would be much more inclined to think she is interested.