People as special interest?

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I did have obsessive crushes when I was a teen and in my early 20s. I would write to the guy, wait for them at places I thought they would be and be a bit stalkerish. People I knew, not celebrities.

I think hormones make even NTs do crazy things like that. It's all new and exciting and you just want to explore that rush you get when you are around them. For aspies it may be worse because of how obsessive we get.


Now I'm older I know not to do that. I think I've swung too far the other way now. I'm much more cautious because I made so much of a fool of myself when I was younger. I rarely get an intense crush now, but when I do I'm overwhelmed by it and I tend to shut down because I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to act all crazy like I did when I was younger so I overcompensate for my youthful over enthusiasm and try and be more demure, but then I get no where because I stop talking to the guy because I don't want to embarrass myself like I did when I was younger. Vicious circle.

i have never been interested in people. everyone has a different head space and it is pertinent no doubt to their lives, but not to mine.
when i look at huge crowds from a distance, i see how everyone is just an inconsequential blip in the scheme of things.
last night, i was watching a show about hitler, and in one scene there was a crowd of supporters that must have numbered 100,000. i paused it and just looked at all those individual dots waving their arms around, and i thought "all of them are in graves somewhere by now. there are a lot more spent lives underfoot than i ever think about. most of them have no researchable history and their lives were spent mainly just feeding their desires, and now they are gone, the sun still looks the same and the birds are still chirping and new people are laughing around the place, and it all just seems not to matter to me".
einstein is dead and no one now bats an eye about it. it does not matter how far up the spotlit ladder you climb, the world does not hinge even to the smallest degree on your existence.
that marylin munroe woman who took the world by storm is now probably just a dusty old pile of bones that have all fallen to the floor of her coffin and her teeth have probably all fallen out of her head, and no one's life is hindered in any way by her being gone to the world, yet she rose to the pinnacles of adoration and interest when she was alive.

who cares that alexander the great is dead? who in the world thinks "god i really miss him". it is interesting to learn about him, but he is so far gone and in no way influential to anyones subjective experiences today.

everyone is on a passage of experience through their own lives, and if by chance i wind up travelling next to someone on my journey, i will appreciate their company, but as far as the general throng of humans is concerned, i am not interested.

I have gotten obsessed about people to a point I couldn't leave them alone or stop thinking about them. I wouldn't quit calling a girl in 6th grade I liked. In high school there was a girl I liked but this time I would only call her three times a week so I wasn't bothering her and keeping her away from her life like I did with the other girl in 6th grade. But I would also show up to the softball games she played in and saw her graduate high school.

Today I don't really get obsessed with people anymore because it's not very healthy and I don't want to be stalkerish and scare them off. But I have found myself secretly stalking people online I am obsessed with so I would follow their posts and read them and always loved seeing their new posts. I didn't send them any PMs because I didn't want to be stalkerish. But I found myself replying to one of them a lot but he seemed to reply to my posts too so i guess it wasn't a big deal. My obsessions with someone will usually wear off when they disappear like how my obsession wore off with the girl in high school when she went to college. So if someone disappears, my obsession wears off.

With my ex's I was hooked to them both but I wouldn't call it an obsession. I always visited my ex on my days off or bring him to my house and it was fun having him around and this went on until he moved in with me and with my other ex I would talk to him every night until the battery ran dead and he was crazy about me too but he still respected my personal space since I am not a phone talker so I made a routine for it. Then that all changed when I moved in with him because he wasn't as crazy over me and his attitude and behavior just changed towards me and then we had to move out of his apartment and he wouldn't talk to me much but yet I still wanted him in my life and would call him often. I didn't like being in a relationship and feeling single and I missed the old him. Then afterwards I would say I was obsessed with them because I was hurt by both of them but I would say it was more of an OCD thing since the obsessions were not pleasant because they had both hurt me and I didn't understand why they acted the way they did and why they would contradict themselves. I realize now one of them was a narcissist and the first one I am unsure about but he might have had narcissist qualities too and I am unsure if he might have been a sociopath or if he really had low intelligence or if he was just a terrible manipulator but who says a slow learner can't be one? It might have been his low intelligence that made him be bad at manipulating me because lot of things he did sounded BS to me so I often had a hard time buying his excuses. Sometimes I do wonder if any if his excuses were legitimate since I have learned more but it's moot because he wasn't a nice guy and he had ideas about how the world should work that made us incompatible and he didn't want to work so we weren't right for each other and he had no intention to change. So rather his excuses were real or not doesn't matter so all I can do is learn now for the future if I meet anyone else who claim to have that same issue as him like "not being able to write stuff down and then remember it." I remember I bought him a note pad so he could write stuff down and I told him to leave it open by his computer (He was always on it so he can't miss it) so he will see it. What other excuse could he have? But nope he said it wouldn't work and I thought BS. I even told him I will remind him about it then and he had another excuse for that. But since he wasn't willing to work on his problems and trying to help himself, that is why we were incompatible and why rather his excuses were real or not are irrelevant.

I get obsessed with people. I think about them all the time, imagine scenarios involving them and picture them in my mind. I develop an idealized version of them, and am disappointed when they don't live up to my expectations. I also get a lot of anxiety about what they will say/do, to the point that I feel sick.

Yes, sometimes I get stuck on a person like a special interest and find it really annoying. It is not as if I have strong feelings for them, they just become a strong interest!