Asking her out tomorrow

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Update: I think I f'd up, yet again. She told me over FB that she's too busy to have coffee and "doesn't have time for friends." Add this to my ever-growing list of failures, time to move on yet again.

^ Don't think of it as a failure. Think of it as narrowing down the massive pool of potentials and eliminating the possibility of 'what ifs.'

Being embarrassed to be seen by others with him is a kind of fear, I was being more specific though; if it was really a fear fear then still wasn't a good sign.

Shyness/submissiveness are exprerssed similarly.

I knew his date would be a failure.

I am 34 years old, so... I can know the result with very very little info: "busy", looking at sides,.... all not good.

I was thinking about what Boo said and putting myself in that position and I think that he may be right. If I am with a date and I'm interested in that person, I don't look at other people in the room - I either keep eye contact with my date or I look down at my food or drink or I may look up if I'm really thinking about something. I think of it as rude if your date looks at other people when they are with you.

I think if someone is looking to the sides, it is a way of trying to find a way to "escape" so to speak from the situation that you are in. You are not wanting to be a part of what is happening in front of you.

Last edited by nurseangela on 05 Apr 2016, 12:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

I would have replied her: "I am not seeking to be your friend, I am seeking to be your boyfriend".

Too forward!

^ She already knows that, no guy invites a girl to a lunch then attempts to invite her to a coffee just for the sake of friendship, I mean come on - especially at their age.
But some girls like to play the fool and would pretend of not knowing this was a date attempt when they don't like the guy much.
I would not accept she plays the fool with me, so I would just throw the truth of my intention at her face, and not giving her any room to play the ignorant.

^ Dude, she already said she didn't have time for friends. If she doesn't want him for a friend, she sure doesn't want him for a boyfriend. He would just make himself look desperate.

^ I know it wouldn't work; but it would a good reply to someone who's playing the fool with you.
No, it won't make him look desperate if he doesn't ask her out again.

Sorry to hear that, but at least you had the courage to ask her and had some practice at talking to girls etc.

I'd also say there is a pretty good learning opportunity here. When you ask a girl for coffee\meal\hang out\whatever and she doesn't say "yes" right away but instead says she'll "think about it" or to contact her later and she'll see, see if she's busy or anything like that.....it means "no" and she is just to embarrassed to say to your face, so in the future don't get your hopes up if you don't get an immediate response like "Yeah I'd love to do that". If you don't get an immediate yes then the best thing is to try and diffuse awkwardness by saying something like "It's no problem if you're busy, don't worry about it", or something that shows that you got the message without anyone having to outright say what they mean, as it is uncomfortable for people to talk about these things, so you have to beat around the bush.

Also saying she doesn't have time for friends again means she doesn't want to go out with you. Now this is probably going to be the hardest part and something you should mentally prepare for just so it doesn't hurt you in the future, but when a girl says she isn't interested in having friends or having a boyfriend...she means with you. Not that she is going to be friendless and boyfriendless for the near future so if you do see her being friends\boyfriends with someone else in the near future, yeah that sucks, yeah it hurts and yeah it makes you feel bad, but don't look at her as being a liar or playing games, that's just the language that people use to try and not hurt other people's feelings.

^ FOR BOO - If he said what you said then you are just inviting her to be rude. This is one of those NT things, if she doesn't have time for friends then it's implied that she doesn't have time for boyfriends either. Your answer would be considered a smart ass reply and a little too "pushy" .

Another thing, this happened on Facebook for the world to see. You don't want to come across as being rude or whatever in front of everyone.

^^ Private messages aren't public.

And if she reacts rudely to that, it's her problem ; nothing rude in what I said.

Blunt honesty brought me sex more than you think. lol.

It also brings respect.

^ You crack me up Boo.

There was a small, wee bit of me thinking that some woman would fall for your line thinking it was a"take charge " answer.

I'm not talking to her again, it's that simple. I'm majorly p#!$$% off by this but won't give her any more attention, as she's obviously not interested in any sort of further interaction with me. I hate situations like these with all my heart but I need to practice moving on and staying positive, as well as learning. Thanks for the input, guys.

I wish I have the gut to be that blunt in confessing my admiration for a crush tho.

With some cases (ie. casual, or girls I barely know) I am extremely blunt, but with others (ie. crush, friend I secretly like), I am not so blunt.

Don't beat yourself up or waste any energy getting angry.

She could have said no straight away. That might have been easier, but you got that far.