Dating when you come across as childlike

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DevilKisses
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03 May 2016, 2:05 pm

Maple78 wrote:
I spent many years with this kind of dilemma - I wasn't the type of person that the type of person that I was attracted to would be attracted to. But in my situation, I somehow gave off (without intending to), the impression that I WAS the type of person they would be attracted to - they would get a false initial impression of me. I would try to keep it going, but eventually, they would realize I just wasn't what they were looking for as they got to know me (which could take some time, as I was shy). Then I would be left, and heartbroken, having my hopes dashed.

I hate to break it to you, but you really can't keep up any fake persona anyway, so it's better to be yourself. You can't hide your true self forever, and it hurts to be left over and over even if you managed it in the beginning.

I finally wised up and now I am married to someone who truly accepts me for who I am. He is nothing like the guy I thought I wanted to attract - instead, he's the guy that I really needed, without realizing it! The relationship is the smoothest, most secure, and most fun that I have ever had, and also very healing. It is the easiest one, too. As we got to know each other, I began to see why things were actually working well - and it was all so different from what I had been searching for before, thinking it was what I wanted, what would make me happy.

Part of my problem was this - I think I was looking for the wrong guys because I didn't want to deal with some aspect of myself. I saw myself reflected in the guys I would date, instead of facing the reality of me. If that makes any sense, maybe I'm not explaining well.

Anyway, I hope you can be patient enough to find someone who will really be attracted to you and have fun with you just the way that you are :-) I do think there are people who would share your interests, and they, too, are probably wondering where/how to find their match.

I don't want any serious relationships. I don't care if the person I'm dating accepts the "true me." I just want to date someone I'm physically attracted to and have fun with.


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Maple78
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03 May 2016, 2:33 pm

DevilKisses wrote:
Maple78 wrote:
I spent many years with this kind of dilemma - I wasn't the type of person that the type of person that I was attracted to would be attracted to. But in my situation, I somehow gave off (without intending to), the impression that I WAS the type of person they would be attracted to - they would get a false initial impression of me. I would try to keep it going, but eventually, they would realize I just wasn't what they were looking for as they got to know me (which could take some time, as I was shy). Then I would be left, and heartbroken, having my hopes dashed.

I hate to break it to you, but you really can't keep up any fake persona anyway, so it's better to be yourself. You can't hide your true self forever, and it hurts to be left over and over even if you managed it in the beginning.

I finally wised up and now I am married to someone who truly accepts me for who I am. He is nothing like the guy I thought I wanted to attract - instead, he's the guy that I really needed, without realizing it! The relationship is the smoothest, most secure, and most fun that I have ever had, and also very healing. It is the easiest one, too. As we got to know each other, I began to see why things were actually working well - and it was all so different from what I had been searching for before, thinking it was what I wanted, what would make me happy.

Part of my problem was this - I think I was looking for the wrong guys because I didn't want to deal with some aspect of myself. I saw myself reflected in the guys I would date, instead of facing the reality of me. If that makes any sense, maybe I'm not explaining well.

Anyway, I hope you can be patient enough to find someone who will really be attracted to you and have fun with you just the way that you are :-) I do think there are people who would share your interests, and they, too, are probably wondering where/how to find their match.

I don't want any serious relationships. I don't care if the person I'm dating accepts the "true me." I just want to date someone I'm physically attracted to and have fun with.


:roll:

1) Dating someone you are physically attracted to and have fun with will lead to emotional attachment, i.e. actually caring about it.

2) The only kind of person who doesn't want to know or accept the "true you" is someone who would just be using you, period. If that's what you want, then I retract my advice - I wouldn't recommend anything at all.



green0star
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09 May 2016, 10:05 am

DevilKisses wrote:
Raleigh wrote:
Dating sites sound horrible.

So, you have to pretend to be someone else to attract the kind of people you like?
Then what happens when they find out you're different to what they expected?
Maybe they're also pretending to be someone else.

All the world's a stage.
This is why the origin of the word 'person' is 'mask'.

You kind of do if you want don't want to attract the wrong people.


Why are you a young person going on the internet to look for dates anyway? If you were older I'd understand but you're so young, you don't need the internet to look for dates.



DevilKisses
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09 May 2016, 10:37 am

green0star wrote:
DevilKisses wrote:
Raleigh wrote:
Dating sites sound horrible.

So, you have to pretend to be someone else to attract the kind of people you like?
Then what happens when they find out you're different to what they expected?
Maybe they're also pretending to be someone else.

All the world's a stage.
This is why the origin of the word 'person' is 'mask'.

You kind of do if you want don't want to attract the wrong people.


Why are you a young person going on the internet to look for dates anyway? If you were older I'd understand but you're so young, you don't need the internet to look for dates.

I'm not straight. Only straight people can easily find dates.


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Outrider
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10 May 2016, 4:01 am

Maple78 wrote:
I spent many years with this kind of dilemma - I wasn't the type of person that the type of person that I was attracted to would be attracted to. But in my situation, I somehow gave off (without intending to), the impression that I WAS the type of person they would be attracted to - they would get a false initial impression of me. I would try to keep it going, but eventually, they would realize I just wasn't what they were looking for as they got to know me (which could take some time, as I was shy). Then I would be left, and heartbroken, having my hopes dashed.

I hate to break it to you, but you really can't keep up any fake persona anyway, so it's better to be yourself. You can't hide your true self forever, and it hurts to be left over and over even if you managed it in the beginning.

I finally wised up and now I am married to someone who truly accepts me for who I am. He is nothing like the guy I thought I wanted to attract - instead, he's the guy that I really needed, without realizing it! The relationship is the smoothest, most secure, and most fun that I have ever had, and also very healing. It is the easiest one, too. As we got to know each other, I began to see why things were actually working well - and it was all so different from what I had been searching for before, thinking it was what I wanted, what would make me happy.

Part of my problem was this - I think I was looking for the wrong guys because I didn't want to deal with some aspect of myself. I saw myself reflected in the guys I would date, instead of facing the reality of me. If that makes any sense, maybe I'm not explaining well.

Anyway, I hope you can be patient enough to find someone who will really be attracted to you and have fun with you just the way that you are :-) I do think there are people who would share your interests, and they, too, are probably wondering where/how to find their match.


I know this isn't my thread, but I was wondering, do you know how to actually overcome this issue?

I do be myself, but the types I'm attracted to think I have the look of someone they wouldn't be, and the types I'm NOT attracted to think I'm 'their type' by my outward appearance.

It feels terrible. :(

"Why are you a young person going on the internet to look for dates anyway? If you were older I'd understand but you're so young, you don't need the internet to look for dates."

How would that in anyway be true?

Even 19 year olds who DO go to college (I'm assuming OP doesn't) still may use online dating.



sly279
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10 May 2016, 9:48 am

Alliekit wrote:
Devilkisses you don't sound childlike to me you just sound really cute!

Maybe you could go for more masculine girls (if you like that type). Are there any lgbt groups or bars in your area you could go to to meet people. You could even take a friend woth you to be your wingman

My friend is a girl who is gay and used to ask me to come with her all the time. I'm very childlike in my interests and mannerisms and many of the ladies at these bars would compliment me and ask me out. To the point I wished I was gay because they were so lovely.

I have met many women who are into cutesy women and it would be a shame for you to have to act around someone all the time and notbe comfortable to be yourself. The perfect partner is someone who loves your weirdness not someone who shuns it

Maybe the problem isn't the chidlike mannerisms but meeting the right people. Maybe try a website where you can exclusively be matched with women?

Waah sorry this is so long :oops: :oops:


Are any women into cutesy guys?



Jacoby
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10 May 2016, 10:06 am

sly279 wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
Devilkisses you don't sound childlike to me you just sound really cute!

Maybe you could go for more masculine girls (if you like that type). Are there any lgbt groups or bars in your area you could go to to meet people. You could even take a friend woth you to be your wingman

My friend is a girl who is gay and used to ask me to come with her all the time. I'm very childlike in my interests and mannerisms and many of the ladies at these bars would compliment me and ask me out. To the point I wished I was gay because they were so lovely.

I have met many women who are into cutesy women and it would be a shame for you to have to act around someone all the time and notbe comfortable to be yourself. The perfect partner is someone who loves your weirdness not someone who shuns it

Maybe the problem isn't the chidlike mannerisms but meeting the right people. Maybe try a website where you can exclusively be matched with women?

Waah sorry this is so long :oops: :oops:


Are any women into cutesy guys?


maybe when they're teenagers

I don't know how to cut thru people's perceptions of you, if you're just interested in 'fun' then I'd think there are some websites/apps where you can find a casual hook up. If you're in school, pretty much everywhere has a LGBTQA club so maybe check that out?



DevilKisses
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10 May 2016, 10:28 am

Jacoby wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
Devilkisses you don't sound childlike to me you just sound really cute!

Maybe you could go for more masculine girls (if you like that type). Are there any lgbt groups or bars in your area you could go to to meet people. You could even take a friend woth you to be your wingman

My friend is a girl who is gay and used to ask me to come with her all the time. I'm very childlike in my interests and mannerisms and many of the ladies at these bars would compliment me and ask me out. To the point I wished I was gay because they were so lovely.

I have met many women who are into cutesy women and it would be a shame for you to have to act around someone all the time and notbe comfortable to be yourself. The perfect partner is someone who loves your weirdness not someone who shuns it

Maybe the problem isn't the chidlike mannerisms but meeting the right people. Maybe try a website where you can exclusively be matched with women?

Waah sorry this is so long :oops: :oops:


Are any women into cutesy guys?


maybe when they're teenagers

I don't know how to cut thru people's perceptions of you, if you're just interested in 'fun' then I'd think there are some websites/apps where you can find a casual hook up. If you're in school, pretty much everywhere has a LGBTQA club so maybe check that out?

LGBT clubs usually aren't that good. They're usually pretty cliquey and full of straight girls. I'm also super straight looking so people will probably think I'm a straight ally. If I try to come out they usually think I'm a confused straight girl. I'm thinking of getting a more butch haircut, so people will stop seeing me as girly.


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sly279
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10 May 2016, 10:31 am

Are you sure they'll not lesbians who like you look straight?



Jacoby
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10 May 2016, 10:54 am

DevilKisses wrote:
Jacoby wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
Devilkisses you don't sound childlike to me you just sound really cute!

Maybe you could go for more masculine girls (if you like that type). Are there any lgbt groups or bars in your area you could go to to meet people. You could even take a friend woth you to be your wingman

My friend is a girl who is gay and used to ask me to come with her all the time. I'm very childlike in my interests and mannerisms and many of the ladies at these bars would compliment me and ask me out. To the point I wished I was gay because they were so lovely.

I have met many women who are into cutesy women and it would be a shame for you to have to act around someone all the time and notbe comfortable to be yourself. The perfect partner is someone who loves your weirdness not someone who shuns it

Maybe the problem isn't the chidlike mannerisms but meeting the right people. Maybe try a website where you can exclusively be matched with women?

Waah sorry this is so long :oops: :oops:


Are any women into cutesy guys?


maybe when they're teenagers

I don't know how to cut thru people's perceptions of you, if you're just interested in 'fun' then I'd think there are some websites/apps where you can find a casual hook up. If you're in school, pretty much everywhere has a LGBTQA club so maybe check that out?

LGBT clubs usually aren't that good. They're usually pretty cliquey and full of straight girls. I'm also super straight looking so people will probably think I'm a straight ally. If I try to come out they usually think I'm a confused straight girl. I'm thinking of getting a more butch haircut, so people will stop seeing me as girly.


Perhaps a stereotypical view on lesbians, my personal anecdote I have on that is that I have WNBA season tickets which has a huge huge following the LGBT community here and I can say the spectrum stretches far and wide so(it really is cultural experience, more entertaining the Suns at least lol) I wouldn't worry so much about changing your look or who you are. Maybe you won't find anybody you're attracted to in these clubs that are available or interested but just making an acquaintance that can introduce you to different social circles where it is possible. Apologize if you've already tried to go down this route. I just think the best way to go is thru people being yourself instead of trying to play a part and pretend to be someone you aren't.

Don't think I have anything else to add so good luck!

I know homosexual men have a thing about straight men, I don't know if the same with true for homosexual women.



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10 May 2016, 1:10 pm

This thing with "being myself" most often does not work for me. This is because I don't express myself very well. The outside does not match the inside.
Find some persons who act and behave like you would like to and feel proud about being like, and then try to pick up their behaviour and looks. Or try to figure out what kind of woman the partner you are looking for would want and try to be like that.
That's practically like being yourself, you just express yourself better. If you by accident take on a role that doesn't feel right, you're maybe looking for the wrong partner.



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10 May 2016, 1:17 pm

DevilKisses wrote:
Raleigh wrote:
DevilKisses wrote:
I recognize what comes across as childlike and I can hide it. I just can't think of what else to put in my profile.

Why don't you leave the profile blank and invite them to make up their own persona for you?
Then you can adapt to whatever attributes they find attractive and you won't have to guess what kind of person to be.

Of course, you could just BE WHO YOU ARE.

That would work too.

For now I prefer tinder because I don't have to fill out my profile. Like I said before being who I am only attracts sh***y people.


Or maybe you're too judgmental of other people, and they aren't all sh***y after all. I mean define a non-shitty person.


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DevilKisses
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10 May 2016, 6:14 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
DevilKisses wrote:
Raleigh wrote:
DevilKisses wrote:
I recognize what comes across as childlike and I can hide it. I just can't think of what else to put in my profile.

Why don't you leave the profile blank and invite them to make up their own persona for you?
Then you can adapt to whatever attributes they find attractive and you won't have to guess what kind of person to be.

Of course, you could just BE WHO YOU ARE.

That would work too.

For now I prefer tinder because I don't have to fill out my profile. Like I said before being who I am only attracts sh***y people.


Or maybe you're too judgmental of other people, and they aren't all sh***y after all. I mean define a non-shitty person.

I just hate that I attract a bunch of basement dwelling straight guys. I barely ever attract any girls. Two of the girls were obviously off. The other ones were barely memorable.


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Outrider
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10 May 2016, 7:15 pm

Is your Tinder set to show you men too or just women?

You continually claim you're annoyed by it but I remember you mentioned you have a test profile to see what types you attract?

Why not just a genuine real profile and of course, setting it as Homosexual.

I'm not sure how dating sites all work but can straight males still message you on OkCupid or whatever if you're set as gay?

Bummer. :|



DevilKisses
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10 May 2016, 7:25 pm

Outrider wrote:
Is your Tinder set to show you men too or just women?

You continually claim you're annoyed by it but I remember you mentioned you have a test profile to see what types you attract?

Why not just a genuine real profile and of course, setting it as Homosexual.

I'm not sure how dating sites all work but can straight males still message you on OkCupid or whatever if you're set as gay?

Bummer. :|

On tinder I have it set only to women. Men occasionally pop up on my matches, but I just swipe left and never see them again. On my test profile I don't care too much about attracting guys.

I'm just upset that I attract the wrong guys. I definitely notice a change in the type of men I attract depending on my profile picture. When it's pictures of me with blue hair I attract basement dwellers and geeks. When more of my natural hair color shows I attract generic bros and foreigners. On my gay profile I got a lot of profile views and a few messages from straight guys.


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Gematron
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10 May 2016, 8:27 pm

DevilKisses wrote:
Outrider wrote:
Is your Tinder set to show you men too or just women?

You continually claim you're annoyed by it but I remember you mentioned you have a test profile to see what types you attract?

Why not just a genuine real profile and of course, setting it as Homosexual.

I'm not sure how dating sites all work but can straight males still message you on OkCupid or whatever if you're set as gay?

Bummer. :|

On tinder I have it set only to women. Men occasionally pop up on my matches, but I just swipe left and never see them again. On my test profile I don't care too much about attracting guys.

I'm just upset that I attract the wrong guys. I definitely notice a change in the type of men I attract depending on my profile picture. When it's pictures of me with blue hair I attract basement dwellers and geeks. When more of my natural hair color shows I attract generic bros and foreigners. On my gay profile I got a lot of profile views and a few messages from straight guys.


yo I never knew that changing the color of your hair attract different types of people. That pretty f*cking interesting. Awesome kind of lol