Is it unfair of me to ask my gf for a prenup in this case?

Post Reply New Topic

I think the main misstep was contacting a lawyer before talking to her about it, since that was going behind her back, which wasn't a good idea regardless of whether the arrangement is itself wise or not. Perhaps a constructive response would be to encourage her to have a consultation with a lawyer herself, without you present, about the financial implications of getting married. There could be all shorts of issues she might want to know about -- joint property, taxes, etc., and she could ask all those questions in private. Then together you could work out the whole range of topics, not just the initial one that you had focused on, and she would be a partner in that discussion.

What's the difference? You keeping all of your stuff separate or an agreement? What I would do is see if your things are still protected if just your name is on them and without a contract.

This may answer some questions - it looks like you can keep your things with only your name AS LONG AS the items are purchased BEFORE the marriage. I don't know how and "engagement" figures into it.

http://family-law.lawyers.com/divorce/d ... ssets.html

This is interesting - it says she can have part of your business.

http://blog.credit.com/2015/05/5-ways-t ... up-115748/

She is at least emotionally immature. Do not make any decisions now, she needs to calm down first.
If she insists on having her own way then I would go with what nurse Angela says.

Good luck.

Separate bank accounts, to me, is a good compromise. She has less chance of screwing you that way (if that was her intention--which I sort of doubt).

I, myself, don't believe in prenups. I find them unromantic.

But I also think you're trying to be practical--which is not morally wrong at all.

Check this out:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaC-2lj6HNg

Any questions?

In my case, my Fiancee comes from a much wealthier family and as a result has a significantly higher number of assets than me. Not in the OPs level, but enough to live comfortably. I flat out told her (before I knew of all this) that I would never sign a pre-nup agreement: if I wasn't able to completely trust her (and vice versa) I had no business getting married. Sounds to me like this is scratching a much deeper issue and you need to resolve THAT first.

I personally don't feel too bad she has more assets: I have more skills, more education and a (slightly) higher income. My ex was spoiled rotten, never worked a full time job and never even had a license. THAT would have been a nightmare and no pre-nup would have saved me!

Okay thanks. I was told that separate bank accounts would not do any good in the event of a possible divorce. But I would like to meet with the lawyer to find out more, but she will not give me the time I do not think, and wants me to make a decision right away.

As for prenups being unromantic, I know what people mean as well. I asked a friend about it and she said that prenups are about finances and not romance, and even though romance is a large part of a relationship, it's not everything she said. Would she be possibly right in saying that?

As for contacting the lawyer without telling her, I knew she wouldn't react well to a prenup so I took someone else's advice who said that it's best to talk to a lawyer first before bringing it up with her, that way you know if it's worth bringing up and know what you are talking about. So I followed that advice, and admit that was my fault.

To me, in a visceral sense, romance is about romance.

I don't like romantic relationships to be like a business relationships. It just bothers me.

But I do understand why, sometimes, there must be business amid romance.

I try to avoid it at all costs, though.

It's the Pollyanna Idealist in me, I guess

Do not beat yourself up because of this. You need to see her point of view, she needs to see yours.

Just see how things go over next couple of days. Is she on the spectrum?

I never said she should get all of your money, but typically couples do pool resources if it gets to the point of living together or planning to. I mean it would have probably been best to discuss this with her before going ahead and getting a lawyer, also I think both parties need a lawyer and its a big legal to do...just seems like a lot to suddenly drop on the girl you plan to marry. Also many people are made uncomfortable when you want to involve lawyers and government in agreements between each other.

I mean if the only way to prevent her taking all your money/assets is the prenup agreement I guess go for it...but a little curious why you're concerned that's what she'd try to do. And really the bigger issue might be that you didn't speak to her about it at all before going and seeking the legal counsel and getting a lawyer. She probably feels like her privacy has been invaded by you seeking legal counsel and such about affairs related to you and her without even consulting her first. Also on her end can she afford a lawyer?...not sure it would be fair for you to design a contract with a lawyer and have her just have to sign it because she can't afford legal counsel.

You had an ex? That would have stopped me from marrying you if it had been an ex wife. You have double the chances of divorcing again. No prenuptial with you, no marriage.

Money and assets are the only things one can bring to a LTR or marrige? What a sad, sad mindset.

I don't love the idea of prenups. But her reaction is about 50 times worse than a prenup. Looks like the prenup was a good idea after all! It's brought out the true colours of your future bride - 'manipulative' seems to one of her defining qualities.

You're not seeing an emotional reaction from her. What you're describing sounds like a well thought out response fuelled by emotional blackmail. She's threatening to take your children away from you before they're even born (tubes tied threat) - imagine if you had ACTUAL children with this woman! And no - being a mother probably wouldn't 'soften' her

I don't see a problem if both people come to the marriage with the same things - decent jobs, cars, home, etc. then I wouldn't sign one because it wouldn't be necessary.

If I were to marry a millionaire and we divorced, why would I be entitled to any of his money before the marriage? I have my own way to support myself. If we had kids then yes he would have to help with that. I have seen the women in a divorce get some of their husbands assets, but it's usually women who can't support themselves alone and the couple have been married a long time too or they have children. A lot of nurses at work end up having to give their ex husbands money for alimony because they made more.

Last edited by nurseangela on 18 May 2016, 9:29 am, edited 2 times in total.