Don't expect someone to love you

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You two have great points there. I can see that pretty clearly, even to my current situation of having consistent positivism lately. My friends, especially female friends got a lot more closer and comfortable with me since I changed the way how I communicate. I have been hard working person with my volunteer groups including the leadership role. I learned so much about communication when I open my minds from being positive and moving forward.

I have this girl who just recently joined the environmental group. I gave her favours to help her understanding things about the group and campaigns. She kept saying yes to me for hanging out. It mirrors to my consistent positive attitude. I don't think of her much at all but yea I have been working with full effort on my life lately. I don't have her on my mind 24/7.

So that is something I am not scaring someone off since the fact I haven't been thinking about them a lot because I kept myself busy with my own life and commit to things I enjoy and make myself happy. Communication skills arises. Thanks to Bolton's books, titled 'People's skills: how to assert yourself'.

It irritates me that people keep pointing this out to me as a reason not to feel lonely.

Well duh! I want to be one of the happy ones.

^
I would never tell anyone that they shouldn't feel lonely because some relationships are loveless. Actually I would never tell anyone how they should or shouldn't feel period.

Since the OP seemed to equate "being in a relationship" with "having love", it was reasonable to point out the two don't always go together.

Sorry, people in real life keep saying that to me to make me feel better. It doesn't make me feel better. It just makes me think that they think I'm stupid and imagine all relationships are lovey dovey all the time. I understand reality. Telling me that there are bad times too, which I understand, won't make me less lonely.

I hear you, such things can be very annoying.

For what it's worth, I wouldn't take such comments literally or seriously, I think most people say this kind of stuff because they don't know what else to say, not because they actually believe it. They realise they can't help and think it's rude not to try to offer some kind of comfort, as many people who vent are actually looking for emotional support from others, not solutions.

Autistic people are not only ones have communication challenges. After reading the People's skills book from Bolton, it highlights majority of our general population have same problems. So, not all relationships are real. Rebound relationships are like this, when they try to accompany someone because they are unhappy with themselves. It not a healthy mechanism.

What makes a relationship "not real"? What makes a relationship a rebound? Isn't everybody who has an ex and is currently in a relationship on the rebound? Is there some set amount of time to wait in between relationships to not be on the rebound? What if it takes you (me) six months to break up with someone, resulting in being totally over them 0.01 sec after the breakup? Why is not dating after a breakup healthier than dating?

You make no sense.

And I bet they were loads younger. My grandparents married each other in their early 20s.Surely that can't be so. I mean something like two thirds of the adult population is in a relationship so we must have better odds of getting in a relationship than we do of winning the lottery.Now that's like winning the lottery. I know loads of people who are in relationships but hardly any people who are in love.

To clarify rebound relationships mean that someone hops from one relationship to another without time of being single. Of course people have exes and that, but there is a difference because they have been single for longer time in between relationships.

Being positive is good for your chances of getting into a relationship, but believing you need to pass certain stages or achieve certain competence is not.

Also, I find the word "mature" problematic. It often assumes you have learnt some NT skills that often are detrimental to getting into ND-ND relationships, and that you have lost your playfulness. Therefore, I prefer to stay immature.

Why prefer stay immature?

Many NT girl-friends told me they like me to be mature because I have been positive. They liked me being positive, and this reflects my recent social attitudes and communication with them. It made them to talk to me.

I have issues getting along with aspie and deaf girls lately, because they are immature and I am not. I am not trying to be mean here for saying all NT ladies are mature, and immature for all aspie and deaf ladies. It just I never felt comfortable on communicating with them because I am an extroverted person. All of my female friends are extroverts, hence we got along easily than introverts.

All in all, it's much better to be mature. While maintaining a portion of your youthfulness/silliness.

You can be more useful in a crisis situation if you have a mature head on your shoulders.

If one panics over every little thing, one is not useful. One, instead, is dependent.

Most people don't give dependent adults the time of day. It's not necessarily right or just; but it is the truth.

Because of the usual definition of being mature: Enjoying dating, handling constant rejection well, wanting to settle down in a boring relationship with regular social gatherings and duties, wanting a social trohpy girl, wanting children just for the sake of it and so on. That's not a life I'm comfortable with.



You can be positive and not like typical mature things. Also, I prefer not to talk to girls I like. Constant social chatting is also both exhausting and boring.



I enjoy ND girls a lot. I like that they are neither exhausting nor boring.



I'm introvert, so this might partially explain our different views.

It all depends on what mature is supposed to be. If it is the normal developmental process of NT adolescents, then I have no desire to become mature. After all, that's the process that forever made NT girls total aliens to me.



I'm extremely focused and cool in crisis situations. I think I handle that much better than most NTs. I can also decide to shut-down external stimulu so I can focus on what is important.



That doesn't have a lot to do with maturity. Instead, it depends on the environment you were brought up in.

Maturity is to do how you present and being yourself in front of other people. Immature can usually being aggressive.

How about securing an employment? Its a mature place. Being silly and mucking around never being tolerated in workplaces.

Then why women have to be always superficial and so mutually selective when choosing guys ?

Whats wrong with these in their 20s? I always get lied at like for example:

- I am interested in her, been friends and things got so well. Then I asked her out in very calming and understanding way. Then she rejected me because she said that she want to focus on her studies and traveling which that is a common purpose for many people in their 20's is to get out there in the world and commit to things. Then found out she dating someone else.

So what is the hell going on ? I am 25 and still an incel. Why there no priorities get it right? Why I am always the one not get accepted? The more of this means there something wrong with me. I dont understand why it have to be so extremely human racing very competitively.