A puzzling situation...how to break the ice with this woman?

Page 2 of 3 [ 39 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3 Next

Joined: 18 Jun 2016
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 18
Location: Sydney Australia

01 Jul 2016, 1:18 am

Things come across creepy if you are unsure of yourself. If you would like to say hi then go early and simply say hi, introduce yourself, say that it seems you run good distance and ask if she would like to do some running.

It is not a personal situation, is completely understandable and she may just say sure lets do it. Suggest a well known public run route at a busy time and see how it goes.

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,126
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

01 Jul 2016, 2:26 am

Quote:

I have been subtly observing the social interactions in the gym lately and this what I have noticed:
-No guy approached a girl except one (and that one guy is famously known of trying to talk to every girl there, and he doesn't seem succeeding at all), the only ones who interact with girls are those who come together to gym (couples, group of friends...etc) or trainers to members, but I didn't see any guy trying to break the ice with any girl.
- Girls remarkably smile and giggle with their personal trainers a lot, and they try to get their attention when they are training someone else...every time..
- Overall, it's not a place for socializing.

A big gym is different than a small condo workout room - more cozy and only people that live there can use it.

It's all the same, unless he's friend with his neighbors.

Girls and media have created a "don't approach girls in any way or form, it's working out time only" culture in all gyms. It's a standard gym etiquette now.
The only acceptable time for chit chat, is after some class, but people usually leave immediately to their gender-restricted lockers room and then to their homes (especially if it's a night class) so he would have a very little window of time to speak to her (barely a minute).

Outrider
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Feb 2014
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,007
Location: Australia

01 Jul 2016, 5:33 am

I wish it was socially acceptable to try and pick-up people at the gym.

How else are you supposed to meet people who care about a healthy diet and lifestyle?

Sports groups are essentially the same, and what little socialization you can get from that is usually just a friend/acquaintance thing.

I care about my fitness and health and, yeah, I'll date women who aren't as serious about it as I am, but she's got to care at least a little.

It seems with rising obesity rates and the associated diseases not just in the U.S. but Australia too (we're 3rd, U.S. is 1st), it is not only harder to find people who care about a healthy lifestyle, but the few that exist only meet in places you're unable to approach.

It'll only get worse as I get older.

I know most people's health decays naturally after about 30, but it never used to be like this and it's still possible to live a healthy lifestyle to prevent or minimize most diseases or problems associated with older age.

At least the girls my age now are approaching their peak health and are still (mostly) skinny.

Tell me, boo, would you agree you've noticed the trend in the last few years of some women saying they just don't want to be bothered or approached at all when 'out and about' and don't like being approached in most situations?

I've heard some women say negative things of being approached in the (open, public) streets, at the shopping centre, gym, etc.

Even some saying they don't want to be approached at bars when they're 'just having fun with their girlfriends'.

Where else can we approach?

What's your thoughts on this? I remember you mentioning in the past you've been in a of FWBs.

How did you meet these women? Did you approach them with your 'game'/pick-up skills or was it all just people from Tinder? What situations did you approach women in?

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,126
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

01 Jul 2016, 7:24 am

Quote:

Yes, this trend is everywhere....you see it even in comics, jokes comedy and talk shows. And the guy who subtly try to talk to a girl (like choosing the treadmill just next to her) is seen as a joke.

Quote:

I've heard some women say negative things of being approached in the (open, public) streets, at the shopping centre, gym, etc.

Yup, that's everywhere, it's getting old.

Quote:

Even some saying they don't want to be approached at bars when they're 'just having fun with their girlfriends'.

Heard that a million times too, It's getting old too.

Quote:

Where else can we approach?

As I said earlier, it seems to me that the only socially acceptable situation where you to start talking with a girl is through friends, friends of friends aka socialization.
....and the dating apps (the few who respond anyway).

I would say, hiking/rafting/sport trips are better to get to know new healthy people than gyms and bars.

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,126
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

01 Jul 2016, 7:30 am

Quote:

How did you meet these women? Did you approach them with your 'game'/pick-up skills or was it all just people from Tinder? What situations did you approach women in?

All was through extensive use of dating apps - all of them.

And those who succeeded the most were when things started flirty and sexual from the very very beginning like two horny rabbits ie. from first few exchanges...those ones chased me as much as I chased them.

All the ones I attempted to approach in real life (like in the gym) through normal conversation, you know...like two adult human beings and not like two horny rabbits, and getting their FB, contact... to get to know them better just ended up as ghost contacts on fb who never message me or interact with me first...only filling my feed LOL.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 01 Jul 2016, 7:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

Drawyer
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 May 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,860
Location: Away

01 Jul 2016, 7:44 am

^ I don't understand why they would do that to you.

_________________
"Embrace the glorious mess that you are."

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,126
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

01 Jul 2016, 7:48 am

Quote:

^ I don't understand why they would do that to you.

because increasing fb friend count is...something "cool"

.

Yeah, I don't understand why one would add someone new on fb (who's not an old friend, not a relative, not a colleague) if there's no intention at all to interact with this person in any way.

But this guy might have the answer:

Outrider
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Feb 2014
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,007
Location: Australia

01 Jul 2016, 8:50 am

I guess the answer to approaching women is to just disregard what they say and approach them almost everywhere, as long as you do it properly.

Not churches or funerals obviously, but hey, in the (open, broad daylight) streets, at festivals and events, college, etc.

Modern Feminism makes young men think approaching women is a sex crime and killing the concept of cold-approaching.

Watching cold-approach videos is actually a special interest of mine and I watch them frequently and have picked up decent approaching social skills from them.

Anyway, I agree only meeting through friends-of-friends is considered acceptable, and unfortunately is the way most people statistically meet their future partners.

This is concerning for most aspie men and women in general as we tend to have less friends and network connections than the average N.T., thus meeting and being exposed to less new people to get to know in our life more. Also, unfortunately for some (me), I seem to be one of the few aspies who dislikes online dating. Online apps might make convenient hookup tool, but not for me to find love.

The advice of 'you'll find love when you stop looking for it' only applies to N.T.'s who meet new people on a regular basis.

What I don't understand is just how vast N.T. networking really is.

Underneath the surface of it all, I've found most N.T.'s only do have 1 or two best friends and a few other close friends, but still expose themselves to a high number of people.

I can't stand the nerdy/geeky N.T.'s who claim they're 'so awkward' and 'don't fit in' with their big 20 person friend/acquaintance crowd while us aspies who genuinely struggle can barely befriend the two sociopathic outcast and weed-dealing kid.

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,126
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

01 Jul 2016, 8:58 am

^ You understood nothing...nada.

cathylynn
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Aug 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,045
Location: northeast US

01 Jul 2016, 11:22 am

i have never minded being approached by a fellow gym member.

Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

20 Jul 2016, 7:54 pm

Outrider wrote:

It is socially acceptable to pick someone up at the gym, provided you don't regularly troll the gym for people to pick up. I saw a guy pick up a woman at the gym. As they passed in the hallway he said "Excuse me ma'am, I see you here often and I just wanted to introduce myself" and he did, and she lit up like a christmas tree, and I would bet good money that they eventually got married.

Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

20 Jul 2016, 8:00 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:

No luck, the opportunity hasn't made itself manifest. Which is fine. Frankly I find that talking to women just isn't worth the risk of embarassing myself.

Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

20 Jul 2016, 8:04 pm

Chronos wrote:

Brianruns10 wrote:

No luck, the opportunity hasn't made itself manifest. Which is fine. Frankly I find that talking to women just isn't worth the risk of embarassing myself.

It's not really unusual for neighbors in the same building to introduce themselves to other neighbors. If you did get up early and introduce yourself on the way out, there would really be nothing unusual about that, and if she acts like you are a creep in response to a socially acceptable introduction, then she is the problem, and you should have no cause for embarrassment.

You could say something like "Hello! I'm Brian. I live on the (whatever floor). I see you down here a lot and I just wanted to introduce myself."

If she responds poorly then you know she has problems, but chances are, she will respond in a socially acceptable manner.

I think this illustrates a key point of breaking away from shyness. I think shy people think that if they make a social move and the other person responds poorly to it, that they must have done something wrong, but this isn't always the case, and so it's important to know when you are socially justified and when you are not, rather than assume the other person is always right, and you are always wrong.

DrManhattan
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 13 May 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 43
Location: Netherlands

21 Jul 2016, 9:08 am

Brianruns10 wrote:

Okay so I'll try to keep this convoluted situation as succinct as possible. I live in a condo building that has its own gym. And fairly frequently as I walk by I see a very attractive woman running on the treadmill, running at a pretty impressive pace. You see, I'm a distance runner too, and always looking for running partners, and a woman to run with would be extra terrific!

But here's the problem. The only time I've ever seen her has been in the morning when I'm on my way to work. I've never seen her in my building apart from these occasions. And since it's when I'm off to work, I don't have time to drop what I'm doing, don a pair of running shorts and join in on the treadmill next to her. Nor is simply walking in and saying "Hi" and trying to chat her up seem very appropriate, because she's working out and that seems hardly opportune, or polite on my part.

So how do you suppose might I break the ice? I'm stumped. The only thing I could think of was leaving a note of introduction or something, but that just seemed to hard to pull off without coming off as a total creep. Or do I just be patient and hope I bump into her in a better circumstance more conducive to a conversation?

What do you all think?

When you see her outside of her training (or before/after) say hi to her and ask about how much running she does because you see her do that often and you're impressed by her pace. Mention your own training in running and what you love about it. Then your work and how the mornings don't suit you as well, other interesting things you do that keep you away from training, ask some stuff about her, what does she do in her life, that she has the time for training in the late morning? Introduce your name and ask hers, shake hands. Say how much you love that running path you have (or how much you don't). Ask if she has any route she runs regularly. Ask if you can train with her sometime. Maybe not mention you're looking for a running buddy because it would sound too much like commitment. Make it specific: date, when, where, what time.

Not saying this is easy but it sounds like the start of a plan. Don't expect results and don't worry if it turns out differently. I haven't read subsequent posts so may be too late with this.

DrManhattan
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 13 May 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 43
Location: Netherlands

21 Jul 2016, 9:27 am

Outrider wrote:

Great post. I meet LOTS of people. Sometimes Aspies. But for some reason...what you say applies even though I'm not so sure about the Asperger label at all. But whenever I do meet that special girl (NT like most of the world simply is...) I get ignored, friendzoned or rejected most of the time.

A former friend of mine was obsessed with "day game", approaching women on the streets and in trains etc, anywhere, and wanted to convince me to do the same but it was obviously not yielding all that much for him. I didn't like his strategy (felt like a crapshoot) and I'd rather have conversations in different settings where people are a bit more open. It's difficult enough already then, for me. I also notice that specificity of your activity helps a lot, go some place with a special interest (like a lecture) and you'll find people with similar likes and dislikes. I dislike online dating because I don't see enough cool profiles regarding the interests. Geek2Geek was the most OK in that regard but there's about 10 members in my own whole country...

Admittedly skills like you mention are always good to have because what if you see that girl walking with a t-shirt of that obscure band you're into, you know better how to handle it.

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,126
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

21 Jul 2016, 1:59 pm

Her reaction was due to a sudden ego boost but that doesn't necessarily mean she likes the guy.

Did you see them togother all the time afterward?

Chronos wrote:

Brianruns10 wrote:

No luck, the opportunity hasn't made itself manifest. Which is fine. Frankly I find that talking to women just isn't worth the risk of embarassing myself.

Page 2 of 3 [ 39 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3 Next

Jump to:

A puzzling situation...how to break the ice with this woman? Post Reply New Topic

A puzzling situation...how to break the ice with this woman?