Is having a social life important for a relationship?

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Outrider
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13 Jun 2016, 3:22 am

For op, I not talking about online dating but in general. It I likely e will h iudged in early dates or early in the relationship if e gets to that point. How do you tell someone that you have no friends?

"Now that ive introduced you to my girlfriends, you can introduce me to yours."

"Oh, I dont have any friends."

I guess it does not matter to.mature adults as I thinl it might (Do rember im use to higj school where who u are friends or lack thereof you are judged for it. e.g. being friends with the as*hole stoner crowd might say alot about you if your dating a sensitive, sweet innocent nerdy girl)

But truth be told for me I feel insecure as i am the odd man out among my frieds and family and have been judged for it before. Id be perfeclty content with a girlfriend who never wants me to meet her fam/friends if she allowed me to do the same.



BTDT
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13 Jun 2016, 9:55 am

Not everyone has time for a social life. You might get lucky and hook up with some busy career woman who doesn't have time for one either. So, what does she want?

She wants someone with a good job to maintain her standard of living.
It may help if you have interesting hobbies, or have lots of experience with going on vacations.



Outrider
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13 Jun 2016, 10:15 pm

That's the unfortunate part for many of us as we may have plenty of free time and might actually enjoy placing emphasis on our social life within our life.

For instance I'm nearly on disability so aside from beginning university study in the near future and my typical hobbies/interests + volunteer work I DO have plenty of free time that could be filled with a social life.

Us aspies typically may have plenty of free time due to being on disability or simply unable to find work so that time could be filled with a social life but we fail to have one due to our lack of social skills.

Again I guess to mature adults it does not matter if a person volunteers/works part-time just a few days a week and spends the rest of their time doing things solo and alone.

What could that possibly say about you?

At best you significantly enjoy your alone time and the person you are dating might feel a relationship is not for you, at worst they assume you must be desperately lonely meaning they will be the victim of your clinginess and desperate for their time, at worst they assume clearly there must be something preventing you from making friends if you actually have the time for a social life but do not have one.

Or are people really less presumptious the older they get? Not bloody likely.



The Grand Inquisitor
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14 Jun 2016, 3:13 am

Outrider wrote:
That's the unfortunate part for many of us as we may have plenty of free time and might actually enjoy placing emphasis on our social life within our life.

From what I can gather, the OP isn't terribly interested in a social life, though I see what you're saying.

Outrider wrote:
Again I guess to mature adults it does not matter if a person volunteers/works part-time just a few days a week and spends the rest of their time doing things solo and alone.

What could that possibly say about you?

At best you significantly enjoy your alone time and the person you are dating might feel a relationship is not for you, at worst they assume you must be desperately lonely meaning they will be the victim of your clinginess and desperate for their time, at worst they assume clearly there must be something preventing you from making friends if you actually have the time for a social life but do not have one.

Or are people really less presumptious the older they get? Not bloody likely.

Well, if you're very much a socialite, finding out a prospective partner doesn't have a roaring social life is probably going to turn you off.

Other than that, I guess it's just generally assumed that everybody wants friends, so if you don't have friends, people will be quicker to jump to the conclusion that you aren't able to make friends. There's probably also some value placed on one's social status by some people, so not having friends is going to be detrimental there.

But just like the OP, there are surely women out there who don't care much for friends/a social life too, though they'd be in the minority, and finding a platform on which to meet antisocial people is going to be tough by virtue of them being antisocial.

I guess dating really is a numbers game. Some people's numbers are just better than others'.

In any event, like I said before, I don't think OP should worry about pictures with friends if a social life is something that really doesn't interest him. Though that may get him less prospective matches, the matches it will filter out will be those who would be disappointed to learn about his lacking social life.

I'd say it's better to try and appeal to a smaller number of people that are interested in who you really are than to attract more matches, but have to put on a facade to do so.



b9
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14 Jun 2016, 3:57 am

it is interesting that if someone is embarrassed about having no social life, or else is sad about it for some reason, then that makes one look like a failure to integrate despite their attempts to do so.
but in my case, i have no social life because i am not interested in one, and some people who see that i have no friends (because i have never really liked many people much) seem to think that they may have what it takes to interest me, and they are interested in the possibility that i may see them as different than the rest.

it is all in either whether you can stand on your own merits, or whether you must be part of a group who's values you share, and who's advancement you support, and who, in turn, include you in their circle.

it's all just the mysterious dance of courtship which i find to be beyond my ability to scope.



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14 Jun 2016, 11:39 am

For some people it probably is, like people who care more about someones social status than them. My boyfriend didn't have much of a social life when I met him...he had two room-mates he thought he was on friendly terms with, so I met them and spent time around them and my boyfriend. However these as*holes ended up turning on him, because they at some point decided they didn't like me so they tried to get him to pretty much stop bringing me over hoping he'd just end things with me to salvage things with them, well he chose me not people who wanted to try pushing him around.

So yeah after that he had no social life, like knows a couple people but doesn't have anyone he goes to hang out with really. I however get along good with my brother and have met plenty of his friends who I've also ended up befriending, so I have been able to introduce him to some more people. In fact we are currently rooming with my brother, a friend of mine and my brothers along with his girlfriend and than a new room-mate we got from posting a craigslist ad. So yeah I don't think having an established social life is necessary to get into a relationship.


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