04 Jul 2016, 2:15 pm
04 Jul 2016, 2:20 pm
04 Jul 2016, 2:21 pm
BenderRodriguez wrote:
beakybird wrote:
lidsmichelle wrote:
Interest in what I'm doing, wearing. Compliment how I'm wearing my makeup or an accessory I'm wearing. Am I wearing something that indicates an interest in something (a movie/band/video game T-shirt), if you know something about it bring it up or ask about it if you don't. Compliments on clothes and makeup and accessories are good because they're things we often put thought and effort into.
So, if a guy were to approach you, not on a bus, or a bus stop, or train, but somewhere. And commented on say, a shirt you were wearing like you say. Would this lead you to believe automatically that this guy were interested in you, or just being nice? Id it assumed by women that if a strange man is being nice to you he's interested? It probably should be.
Is it really common/acceptable in the States to approach a complete stranger and comment on their clothing?
I'd feel weird commenting on a woman's clothing outside of a t-shirt with some obvious talking point on it. I'm not the type of guy that admires women's clothing. I mean I do like when women wear certain things, but I'd have no idea how to make it non-creepy. But a T-Shirt is easy. I like some very obscure music/bands that probably very few females enjoy. If I were to cross paths with a woman wearing a T shirt with one of said bands, and it was not already a concert I would probably A) develop a crush in about 6 seconds, B) have absolutely no discomfort walking right up to her and talking about it. People wear things like that to have others notice it. And maybe even talk about it. If it were only that easy...
04 Jul 2016, 2:25 pm
04 Jul 2016, 2:30 pm
04 Jul 2016, 2:34 pm
Jacoby
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Age: 33
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04 Jul 2016, 2:40 pm
04 Jul 2016, 2:49 pm
04 Jul 2016, 3:00 pm
LittleLu wrote:
BenderRodriguez wrote:
Is it really common/acceptable in the States to approach a complete stranger and comment on their clothing?
Yes in fact. This is extremely common. I'm complimented all the time on what I'm wearing. :O
I would recommend finding something that both can relate to with the woman that the man is approaching. In my experience I don't like it when random strangers come up to me to start a random conversation, or try to touch me. It freaks me out. (I'm mainly lesbian and I don't even let girls do that to me.) Say they're a gamer girl and they're wearing a Zelda shirt. If the guy likes Zelda, he can compliment her on her attire and ask, say, what their favorite Zelda game is. Or something along those lines. Find relation. I had a boyfriend in the past, whom I decided to start dating for one of the sole reasons that he was fun enough to ask me flat out which videogame was my favorite. It turned into a friendly debate, which later turned into a happy relationship.
However on a side note, I have been approached by notably Aspie guys who were interested, but they drew too much attention to the two of us for me to feel comfortable around them. They were quite loud. So that's another aspect to think about. Keep your voice at a reasonable level. ^-^
I would add a caveat to this for autistic people (because of special interests and our tendency to obsess and hyperfocus on particular topics): if the thing you are conversing with the woman about is something you are also interested in and know a lot about, don`t question the woman like you`re putting her through an exam. I`ve met people like this before, that when they see you share an interest they immediately become competitive and need to prove that they are more knowledgeable/skilled than you and make it a point of pride. If she is interested in something you are also interested in, instead of trying to figure out if she knows more than you or is better at something than you or not and being insecure about it just be glad that there is something you have in common, and talk about it like an enjoyed common interest rather than a competition. If you can`t deal with someone who might potentially know more about something than you do or be better at something than you, then you should probably deal with your own insecurity before attempting to date people (this applies to both women and men).
04 Jul 2016, 3:33 pm
04 Jul 2016, 3:39 pm
Which is why I have a rule against approaching women in grocery stores.
I also have a rule against investing in individual stocks--that is too much like gambling! Instead, I invest in cost effective index funds--and have done quite well. 
04 Jul 2016, 4:06 pm
beakybird wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
beakybird wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
Maybe something like may I buy you a drink if your in a cafe or a bar. Or maybe like 'sorry to bother you but I noticed [your reading this or doing this activity] What do you think to it.
I think picking out things that are non sexual is good too like I sorry to bother you but you smile really struck me and I felt the need to come and talk to you.
I warn you I haven't been approached much so this is just like fantasy stuff
I think picking out things that are non sexual is good too like I sorry to bother you but you smile really struck me and I felt the need to come and talk to you.
I warn you I haven't been approached much so this is just like fantasy stuff
That's sort of what I'm going for anyway. Not 'what works' or 'what do guys try' but what would you, as a woman, personally be receptive to. I'm also not looking for 'what works well enough to get you to consider sleeping with a man' either. Fantasy stuff is the idea. I'm sort of data gathering at the moment I guess. I've not had to do this sort of thing in years and never really could. Plus it's such a mystery to a lot of men, not just me. We're making an attempt here at solving an age-old dilemma...
Naturally being non-sexual off the bat would be assumed. By me at least. That's sleazy and if a woman went for that it'd be a turn off for me anyways. I mean I wouldn't dream of approaching a woman, initially, and commenting her on her ass or even legs. That would seem quite sleazy even if it were a true statement, as it goes right to "I am thinking sexual things of you" immediately. I would assume eyes, hair, smile etc would be things far more acceptable. Keeping it from the neck up to start with is probably a good rule there I'd guess
I guess another part of this question is because my theory is most women don't even know, making the entire thing enormously frustrating and left basically up to random chance. If many guys don't know how to approach women, and women don't know how they want to be approached, what's a man to do?
I also have to say, I find it hard to believe you've barely ever been approached. I'm certainly not saying you are lying, but it's hard to see why. I wonder how many other women feel like that?
My mum says I'm always doe eyed and look frightened. I mostly get guys approaching me asking if I need help
Yeah, that may be part of your problem then, or maybe not.
It's also possible then that a sizeable portion of the men asking to help you may be doing so with interest as well. Someone looking like they are in need of help are easier to approach because there's an obvious question to ask: Do you need any help? Are you lost etc? Maybe you have just misinterpreted guys actions in that respect. Guys who aren't bold or confident will do some REALLY awkward things in an effort to gain a woman's favor or attention.I hadn't thought of that hehe. I always just assumed it's just because a lot people are very helpful.
There is something to be said for a man who helps a woman in some form though. A bit like a white knight riding in for a rescue hehehe. When a guy helps you with your suitcase or asks if your ok it shows they are a good person which is attractive
04 Jul 2016, 4:09 pm
BTDT wrote:
Which is why I have a rule against approaching women in grocery stores.
I also have a rule against investing in individual stocks--that is too much like gambling! Instead, I invest in cost effective index funds--and have done quite well.
I also have a rule against investing in individual stocks--that is too much like gambling! Instead, I invest in cost effective index funds--and have done quite well.
Could you explain that in NT language, please?
04 Jul 2016, 5:37 pm
04 Jul 2016, 5:39 pm
04 Jul 2016, 5:42 pm
hurtloam wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
If anything worked, it would have to be funny. And even then, I probably wouldn't go out with them because I know absolutely nothing about them and they know nothing about me so I would be thinking they must be after me for my looks because they don't know the real me - my personality, my likes and dislikes, etc. I have to know something about the person before I will go out with them - unless its a blind date set up by a friend.
I used to feel like that, but a male friend of mine said to me. But how are you supposed to get to know the guy if you don't go out with him and I was like, um, I don't know.
So after that conversation I decided to cut guys a bit of slack and give them a chance. I mean it's only a coffee. Unfortunately, since then, no one has asked me out. Typical eh?
I've done that and it's always ended in disaster. I don't want to waste time in going out with the wrong guys. I could be studying, knitting, catching up on Downton Abbey or washing my hair.
I have certain things I'm looking for. Too bad I can't give them a written test first to see if they are worth getting to know.
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