Can you help who you fall for?

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Maybe you need to move to a better neighborhood? My neighbors are much nicer since I moved to a single family house. And, neglecting opportunity costs, it is actually cheaper to live in than an apartment. Opportunity costs are what I would get if I were to sell it and invest that money somewhere to generate income.

I'd love to have a little house with a picket fence away from all these A-Holes. However, I have school to pay for and I really don't need more space since it is just me - and Waldo. I actually need to do some new things to the condo and it's going to be paid off in 2 yrs so I'll save there. I'd definitely need to move if I ever got married. I need my space.

I agree with this.

I don't understand this can you explain the difference.

I disagree. I don't fall in love with anyone I date. I respect them as a person, I try to give them a good dating/relationship experience out of common decency on my part, but I don't "fall in love" with them.

I've fallen in love only twice in my whole life. First time was in high school, with a girl who agreed to have dinner with me, then broke our first date when I told her I didn't have a car; it took me some time to fall out of love with her. Second time was in college, with a girl who agreed to date me even after I told her I didn't have a car; despite her being plain-looking and boring to be around, I was still in love with her for the entire duration of our relationship.

After that, nope, never fell in love again ever since. It's been 15 years so far.

Same here. I was in love with one girl in high school, and then with another in college. After that, I was not in love with anybody until in my 30s. This just happens very rarely, and it isn't exactly really hot girls I fall in love with either, so I don't think looks has much to do with it at all.

Well, at least you two have been in love. I'm NT and it hasn't happened for me. (Hey, that rhymed.)

That sucks, Angela

It blows too.

I think you misunderstood. Certainly you can go out and meet people and not fall in love with them, which is what you're saying. The post you're responding to stated that you also can't fall in love with anyone if you're not meeting anyone.

I did understand, actually. I was just being facetious. I was trying to point out how I go out and date fairly often, but still haven't fallen in love with anyone for the past 15 years. Just like I would if I stayed home all this time.

That sucks. At 54, I'm still only at four times I've fallen in love with somebody. That's only about once in a decade.

Ah well, humor went straight over my head.

Hurtloam, in answer to your question.

Lust is unbridled sexual desire and nothing else in its pure state. What I might call Id Libido, with no input from the Superego (Freud).

Love may or may not be accompanied by lust, though usually it is. When you fall in love, you fall in love with the whole person; body, intellect, emotions.

When I'm on the train, I might see somebody who is attractive. As a result, I feel lust for that person. But I can't love that person because I don't know her at all; she's a total stranger. I can't control the lust, but I can definitely control doing something about it. Which means I don't do anything about it, except maybe within the confines of my own bedroom, alone.

Falling in love is the combination of feeling lust for that person, and the addition of less base things things like respect, regard, admiration, identification. You want to spend all your time with that person; though you also want autonomy, too, at times. In most cases, you feel monogamous for that person.

Ok, this is what I'm talking about when I raised this question of falling. I genuinely don't think that you can help feeling the above quoted for someone. I don't think that we have control over that. It just grows.

Somewhat true for me too.



At least for me, that lacks a dimension. The first step in "falling in love" is an infatuation. For me, getting an infatuation doesn't require me to know anything about the girl. Rather, it appears to be triggered by a specific pattern (girl in front of guy), and it has no connection to lust. I can decide if I want to keep or get rid of an infatuation, which is why I can avoid falling in love with somebody. The last step is attachment. It's typically built with obsessive thoughts, and it does require knowing a little about the girl, but not much.