The introvert problem

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I've had enough of "icy" and "edgy" back in high school. I'm not coming back for more.

it sounds like you've already posted pictures of yourself before. would you be comfortable reposting them here?

oh never mind, i've found a few using the search feature already. you have a very calm look, and at the same time you have that "expressing yourself" kind of look. yes, definitely the perfect storm if you don't want to attract "introverted subculture" types . but if you like your looks yourself, then don't take this as advice to change it. you look great, and in my opinion anyone who doesn't think so (independent from being attracted to you) simply doesn't have a very good aesthetic sense

the next thought would probably be "well, then you could try to change the way how you come across instead". but that's rarely a good idea, especially if you're talking about people you'd want to be around regularly. reviewing your reasoning behind what you do socially and how you approach it is often a good idea though. you can have a more active attitude (i mean "active" in promoting your own personal interests socially) without having a showy personality

btw, it's hard to tell from pictures alone, but still, you don't look naive to me. an adjective that comes to mind instead is "bold", for your fashion choices

With this picture of me I attracted a way wider variety of people. Including generic bros and balanced extroverted types.

oh are we talking more about online or real-life though? meeting people online-first changes everything

but yeah, that is a great picture

Both, but it's easier to get data online. In real life I attract more artsy types, but I still tend to attract introverts.

yep, makes perfect sense. introspective look + overt display of aesthetic sense

online, you can think of it in terms of two screening steps before the initial contact. step 1: who will be attracted by what you look like. step 2: who will be discouraged by what you say. what's been your approach to the second step so far? do you have a specific type of person in mind that you want to attract? or have you only thought so far about types that you don't want to attract?

well, i'm assuming a dating site type of scenario of course. is it what you have in mind too?

I pretty much want to attract people who are extroverted, engaged with the world and possibly on the artsy side. Just someone who will bring out my happy extroverted side. The people I tend to attract are the complete opposite.

can you picture someone in particular? can you picture what you would have in common with them / what you want them to have in common with you?

Basically being artsy and spiritual.

hm... spiritual. that's the key then. crank it all the way up!

don't hesitate to display that side of yours loud and clearly

i'm not even spiritual myself btw, and i don't really care either way about spirituality. it just seems to me like the most sensible and effective thing to do for yourself

I'm not actively spiritual, but it does affect the way I see the world and interact with it. I don't want to limit myself to new agers, I just want to date people who experience the world in a spiritual way. Or at least aren't actively unspiritual like the shutin types in attracting. I find it hard to show my spiritual side because people have mocked it when I was younger.

that sounds like it's the core of the issue. you look quiet but confident, but you're not confident when it comes to something that would probably be an important aspect of bonding with someone else. so you end up being misread. people see a clear message from you, and that message obscures important aspects you're more interested in bonding over

it sounds like you do know what you want though. that's a pretty good start already. you can focus on being clear about that. if you know it's what you want (a more spiritual outlook in your life) but it's something that makes you feel insecure, then it's all the more reason for you to insist on it. it's even a good foundation for a relationship ("someone who brings out the best in you")

I seem to become much more extraverted beyond my comfortzone when I'm around very introverted people, trying to breath life into things. This can be a problem to my energy level. Not getting enough stimulation and having to burn more energy. It's best to have a good mix of people as long as there's glue that brings you together like a similar interest or desire to have a good time in a simple way.

Maybe there are practical ways to act around your chronic ilness. If you stay at home, try to find something interesting to do together (whatever you're into, book club, whatever) at home that other people, extraverted ones too, could be interested in to attend. Something regular that you could organize perhaps. There are also platforms for it like meetup but you'd have to step outside comfort zone allowing strangers in your safe little home...stick to traditional means to meet folks however and your world might remain a lot smaller. Either way I'm not saying it's easy to meet cool people you really like.