When you finally got first experience?

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When you got your first relationship?
< 18 31%  31%  [ 18 ]
18-21 21%  21%  [ 12 ]
22-25 22%  22%  [ 13 ]
26-30 17%  17%  [ 10 ]
31-39 7%  7%  [ 4 ]
>40 2%  2%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 58

Extrication
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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31 Jul 2016, 10:50 pm

For snogging, 18. For just about everything else, 23. However, it should be noted that I was more audacious and far less beaten down in those days.

That, and I belonged to a social circle, whereas nowadays I am a recluse.



Aspie1
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01 Aug 2016, 12:03 am

First girl who liked me: 18 in high school (she lost all interest after I told her I didn't have a car)

First real dating: 18 in college (she was very plain-looking and introverted, I didn't enjoy her at all)

First kiss on the lips: 20 (one of my best kissing experiences to date!)

First time sex: 22 (I was practically non-functional for almost a week after losing my virginity)

First time non-paid sex: 23 (pales in comparison to the previous sex experience)



HighLlama
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01 Aug 2016, 5:09 am

I was 17.



Ecomatt91
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02 Aug 2016, 11:56 pm

The poll is rather interesting. More who are under 18 get their first relationships. I thought having Autism is challenging and difficult to find a relationship because of our communication and perspectives are different? This is what the story of my life where I am acknowledged.



b9
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03 Aug 2016, 12:12 am

i was never interested but my first time was when i was 22 and i did it so she would not get the s**ts, but i was obviously aroused enough to be able to penetrate her.

it felt too slippery in her vagina and it smelled quite gross, and i decided to give up shortly after starting. i just told her i was no longer interested in it and i went to the toilet to wash that smell off my thing and she went home. whatever



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03 Aug 2016, 2:17 am

Ecomatt, most of us might have had our first relationship under 18, but that doesn't mean all of us lost virginity under 18, and doesn't mean we have much more experience than you.

I've only had two girlfriends and they were both very short relationships.

The first was very dysfunctional and the second was a nice girl but I was too nervous and anxious because of my last girlfriend.

My first girlfriend's feelings were on and off, one minute she loved me, the next she didn't, and just when I thought I was going a good job, out of nowhere she'd dump me (I was dumped by her twice).

This made me constantly worried when dating the second girl to the point I probably self-sabotaged myself, but I have since learnt from it and know I just have to relax next time around when I get another chance, which unfortunately appears to be impossibly low and unlikely in the near-future, as I have no job (yet) and will actually soon be on disability as I am incapable of working.

I do like to volunteer a few hours a week though, as many as I can handle (still under 15 hours, which by the Aussie system you have to be unable to work more than 15 hours to be eligible for disability) but haven't volunteered in a while because I recently moved.

I'm not sure what I want to study yet at university and am thinking it through. Despite financial assistance due to being an Aboriginal Australian I still don't want to take any risks and end up studying a course I can't do and do not like.

Despite popular belief that Indigenous Australians can study at uni 'for free', this is not true. It IS an extra payment per fortnight, but what you do with that payment is in your hands.

I'm a smart spender though and obviously wouldn't blow the money but use it for my education, but this doesn't mean it will pay full and entirely for your course, especially if you take out student loans and fall into debt.

But either way, the next opportunity is not anywhere near in the foreseeable future.



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03 Aug 2016, 3:37 am

nowadays, as a 31-year-old, the very concept of "a relationship" before the end of adolescence seems bizarre to me. one thing just seems completely incompatible with the other. "flings", "fooling around", etc, sure, that's not hard to imagine. hormones through the roof. most teenagers are desperate for sex. but that is actually one of the very reasons why anything i can think of as "a relationship" seems completely incompatible with adolescence

adolescence is incompatible with the modern world. it "makes no sense". the way society is organized, people should still be children at that age. that extreme and widespread preoccupation causes too many problems. i remember how life became MUCH worse almost overnight when i started to be sexually interested in girls. life was mostly unpleasant for me until then, but after that it became tormented instead. everything gets complicated


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Ecomatt91
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03 Aug 2016, 6:23 am

So what you trying to say is what I been thinking. Young people who are like minded of wanting to lose their virginity or have relationships so they don't feel lonely. If they meet someone who is on same level of pressure without judging the quirks of the person like a disability, mental behaviour and those stereotypes. Then they are more likely to accept each others to do the unimportant aspect of having a relationship.

This is pretty common when young people are trying to find themselves out in general life. So for people like me and other aspies are usually left behind because they see our behaviour is aggressive or creepy which means being different among their peers. That why we get it later and more common like minded where relationships consider longer term. Like married aspies on this website share their experiences.



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03 Aug 2016, 7:17 am

Relationships just aren't worth it as a teen and very rarely last, anecdotally and statistically.

I know, I know.

I was always desperate for a girlfriend a few years back and kept pursuing them, but in 12th grade I realized the best time to even begin to try and seek young love is in the 12th grade because everyone is more mature and older than in the loosest sense of the word, and getting a girlfriend in 12th grade helps because if you can keep them after high school you've already got a guaranteed social life.

If you lost all friends after high school you'd at least have her, even if temporarily before a break-up, which sadly if you don't have a relationship after high school and lose your friends you will end up miserably alone.

Anyway, I've also realized having a ridiculously high amount of relationships in just the few short years that is high school is not healthy, natural or a sign that you are good with relationships.

Quality, not quantity, and it's not about how many relationships you can GET, but how many you can KEEP.

It is laughably amusing at my 14 year old cousin who has had like 6-8 girlfriends in this year alone and is on-again, off-again with many of them.

Anyway, at the end of high school I was disappointed my girlfriend broke up with me and it seemed almost everyone else kept their friends or at least had a wonderful boyfriend or girlfriend by their side but I've since found out many of them are now single which means they only lasted 6 months to 1 year with their S.O.'s.

I'm talking about people in 12th grade who got a girlfriend or boyfriend at like April or May last year and, while they may have had a happy relationship for the better part of post-grad, by this time this year the majority of them have since become single once again.

But I still feel disadvantaged and inadequete because despite losing their girlfriends and boyfriends and giving me a reason to laugh at them to feel better about myself because it's clear they were in relationships that didn't last, they are still attending university or kept a friend group large enough so that it won't be too long once again before they get into another relationship.

Still, I'd have loved to have at least one decent length relationship in high school. *Sigh*.

There's also the tiny minority of massive success cases you hear about and only feel further jealous.

My cousin met and started dating his fiance at just age 14; 11 years later and...well, you know the rest - still going strong to this day.

I'm so happy for them and it's such a beautiful thing when two people find such love so young, but also makes it easy to feel jealous because the vast majority of people can't get so much as a single relationship or first kiss at age 25 while some married couples met at just 13 or 14.

It reminds me of an ex-friend I crushed on last year, who in less than three months of dating accepted and became engaged to her proposing boyfriend.

To this day I bitterly hope if I ever meet her again, as much as I'd be happy to be her 'friend' again after she ghosted me and broke contact after promising we'd still keep in touch, that they broke up.

I'd put on a false polite exterior while secretly laughing at how much of mistake they made engaging so early in the relationship and thinking they'd last. :lol:

Yes, I sound like an å-høle. Did I ever say I wasn't, though? :lol:

Good luck with relationships, everyone! :)



rdos
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03 Aug 2016, 7:38 am

Outrider wrote:
Anyway, I've also realized having a ridiculously high amount of relationships in just the few short years that is high school is not healthy, natural or a sign that you are good with relationships.

Quality, not quantity, and it's not about how many relationships you can GET, but how many you can KEEP.

It is laughably amusing at my 14 year old cousin who has had like 6-8 girlfriends in this year alone and is on-again, off-again with many of them.


Well, quantity is never better than quality, regardless if it is high school or in your 20s or 30s. Being able to get only short-lived relationships is really not much better than being alone.

At least I had an advantage in school, and I was in a "relationship" for one year in high school, and three years in college. That was possible because I met the same girls regularly, which after college no longer worked (my master's education had almost only guys, and I didn't want to go to parties to meet girls).



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03 Aug 2016, 8:04 am

Your story is ridiculously unique and interesting, rdos.

You mentioned being completely non-verbal in high school yet successfully had a flirting/semi-relationship game going on, you've apparently had a relationship at university, and you're married with kids, right?

You always speak of this 'ND' game and that ND's have a different trail of thought and behavior, but I still have trouble understanding what you mean a lot of the time.

I mean, how did you do it? How are you successfully married when, according to most of your posts, you didn't make much of an effort except for being skilled at 'the staring game' and letting everything fall into place for you (e.g. in high school you had a 'girlfriend' just by not speaking but letting her friends lead you to her at lunch breaks)?

Is your wife N.D.?

Seriously.

I'd be fine with dating N.D. girls but they're so rare and those that I did try to get to know and get close to only rejected me. And no, it's not because N.D's think differently so I had to do things 'differently', I'm talking about very mild, high functioning aspies who pretty much look and acted like N.T.'s and, doing the N.T. method didn't work with them, but it's clear the N.D. method probably wouldn't have worked either.

What I'm essentially asking is, when it comes to dealing with N.D.'s, what do I actually DO.

I know not to play the N.T. dating game because it doesn't work and N.D.'s are different and we can do things our own way, but unless that is 'the secret' to success with N.D. females, what is THE SECRET?



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03 Aug 2016, 8:14 am

To me, the best way to date a girl is for you two to share common interests--it would be great if both of you had the same "special interest."

I'm not patient enough to do the staring thing. I'm probably ADHD as well as ND LOL



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03 Aug 2016, 8:27 am

With a girl 16. With a boy 20. I know that some make a distinction.

A real relationship, with long term commitment 21.


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rdos
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03 Aug 2016, 9:32 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I'm not patient enough to do the staring thing. I'm probably ADHD as well as ND LOL


It might come down to patience, but that's only for doing it repeatedly. I'm still puzzled why guys cannot do it once or twice with stranger girls. That shouldn't come down to patience. I'm equally puzzled that many young (ND) girls appear to be "starved" on this, so will play the game with a much older guy like me. I mean, young NT girls will completely ignore me if I flirt with them, but not NDs, and I'm sure most of them want a guy their own age too. Seriously, these girls appear to be perfect targets for a guy their own age, but such guys appear to be lost about how to do it or don't feel it is worthwhile doing. I dunno.



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03 Aug 2016, 2:46 pm

2013 was the year in which I finally kissed a girl, had a relationship and lost my virginity.

I was expecting the above experiences to be enriching, yet they only made me feel even more insecure and inferior to other people.


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TomS
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03 Aug 2016, 3:16 pm

I dated a little at 15 and had my first girlfriend/relationship at 16. She was 16 too.

Maybe a family thing. My great grandmother was married at 13 in 'the old country'. Get married and have kids early before the plague or famine takes you away.