If i had an ex-girlfriend, it would be much more easy

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You should enforce time limits on messaging before meeting. (Just don't say that verbatim!) It's not 1998 anymore. There is no benefit in talking for weeks and weeks before meeting a "stranger off the internet". Meeting quickly is the norm nowadays. After all, people have short attention spans and want instant gratification. So after a few conversations to screen the other person out, it's best to just meet and see if you have "chemistry". Which is actually code for "is he alpha or beta?", but I'm going off topic here.

I myself have a 10-day limit when it comes to meeting women of dating sites. If she's not sitting in front of me at a coffee shop within 10 days of the first message, then it'll probably never happen. It's not a hard-and-fast limit. I extend it to up for 2 weeks if the woman really intrigues me and/or has a legitimately busy schedule. But absolutely no more. Also, words "schedule" and "busy" are themselves codes for "he's too beta!", so the extensions are something I do as a courtesy on a case-by-case basis.

While it's not a perfect method, I never had it fail me. Women who wanted to "talk for longer" or "get to know me more" always made up dumb excuses for not meeting in person.

I think that is a pretty good rule of thumb. Back when I was younger and naïve, I assumed that women ALWAYS wanted to meet up: they just needed to be reasonably comfortable you weren't crazy. Looking back, I now know that if they don't want to meet after a week it's simply never going to happen. Here's another good rule of thumb: if I woman rejects/cancels meeting up due to her busy schedule but immediatelysuggests another time, get ready to marry her. Just kidding, well not completely

I once was patient and understanding but by the end of my online dating experiences I asked after one full week of communicating. If she made an excuse or said "not yet", I immediately moved on. Probably saved me a ton of headaches.

ya in previous years that never happend to me, girls would just flat-out ignore me on online dating sites, so that programmed me with the thought that if a woman is not interested, she won't even bother to respond to your initial message in the first place.

It's funny how aspie men benefit just as much, if not more, from more having an ex-girlfriend than from having a current girlfriend. PUA writers, as well as some mainstream NTs, refer to it as "social proofing".

I guess I don't understand how a guy would feel more self-confident if a girl is initially interested in him, dates him for an extended period of time, and then dumps him once she really gets to know him; that hasn't been my experience at all. I've found breakups to be far more painful than when I'm simply turned down first asking a girl out. There are a thousand different reasons why a girl might not want to date me in the first place: current boyfriend, I'm too skinny for her taste, she's overwhelmed with work or school. When a longterm girlfriend breaks up with me, she's gotten to know me well enough to realize there's something deeper wrong with me. Youch.

If you can't muster confidence enough to snare a girl now, I doubt you'll feel much better about it after you've had your heart broken by one.

Have had two girlfriends, barely know if either of them actually was interested in me.

The first had on-again off again feelings and we dated twice. She dumped me both times and the overall amount of time we were together is only 15 days.

The second girlfriend seemed to really like me and we had a lot of fun at first, but she was a little standoffish, either that, I was moving too fast, or some combination of both, but towards the end I did slow things down and relaxed a bit more, but it was probably doomed to fail anyway.

I still have never truly felt another girl actually feel attracted to me and want to be with me and enjoy my company as both of these relationships were so short-lived before anything meaningful really happened, and I still have poor self-esteem and despite being average looking have still never truly felt a girl be physically attracted to me or my body.

Some evidence exists, I was catcalled once when getting the mail with my shirt off, but otherwise it seems even my first girlfriend, who I was actually cuddling and foreplaying with in bed, didn't really seem attracted to me because she told me a few days later that night was a mistake and she realized she wasn't attracted to me.

ya, a guys confidence matters more than a womans confidence

well some slightly good news, I feel I finally ended the single streak this year, I dated this girl I met through online dating for 4 months, although it wasn't that serious, it definetley was the closest thing to a girlfriend I ever had.

Jesus. Was that sarcasm?

He's probably right. Girls can get guys just by being good looking, most men aren't judgmental enough to care about confidence.

Okay, I misread that to say women’s confidence isn’t important.

The who judgemental thing though is stupid. They’re judgemental in other ways. The amount of times I’ve been called unattractive/ ugly looking by males is in the 1000s.

Were they all in the opticians?

In my experience this is true, at least in terms of finding sex partners. The second person I had sex with (was never a proper girlfriend) was a friend of my first girlfriend's from college. In that case, the fact that her friend had regularly slept with me certainly validated me as a legitimate bed mate.

Another part of this is that I was most likely fairly attractive in my youth, but never really believed it due to lack of luck with girls. But once somebody validated my attractiveness as a male by sharing her bed with me, I became more confident that other girls/women might also desire me.

It probably helped that my first relationship ended quite uneventfully, basically due to a lack of opportunity to be together. There was no break-up or fight, in fact we had sex the last time we saw each other as a couple, and the one time I saw her after, she actually expressed admiration that I had had sex with her friend from college.

well in 2017, this did kinda finally happen for me, I ended up dating a girl for 4 months, which I feel was a huge breakthough for me, I feel I got inspiration from one of the users on here, before her, almost always, I struggled to make it past the first date.

Well that's good news! Congrats. Progress is progress & you'll be better prepared the next time it happens for ya.

Don't forget that female attraction is more emotional than males. She may have meant she didn't feel attracted to you in the female emotion sense, not that she didn't think you were physically attractive at all. Just sayin'.

Also, we can't control what we like or what others like. ie My friend and I have total opposite types that we're attracted to and aren't attracted to one another's types. Just because that one didn't find you attractive doesn't mean there aren't tons out there that do!