Online dating is pointless as a guy

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Hopper
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18 Aug 2016, 3:48 am

314pe wrote:

Hopper wrote:

Oh, I meant in general - reading it back I see I didn't distinguish enough. I don't know about the dating sites balance (they'd have good reason to lie or make s**t up, after all), but in the world of singledom and relationships at large, it's pretty much 50/50 such that, if a man is going without a date or relationship, then so is a woman.

Yes, pretty much 50/50. Also there's pretty much a 50/50 ratio of all jobs and all workers, but still there's umeployment and some small part of population can't get any job near them. A job just like love is one the basic needs and everyone deserves it. Not just 'pretty much' everyone.

I'm not sure you can usefully compare finding someone who loves you to (un)employment beyond basic superficiality.

Anyway, my remark was aimed at the sentiment that, somehow, men find it harder to get a relationship than women. I see it quite a bit around here, and in general, but the numbers (and reason) don't bear it out.

_________________
Of course, it's probably quite a bit more complicated than that.

You know sometimes, between the dames and the horses, I don't even know why I put my hat on.

Outrider
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18 Aug 2016, 4:02 am

Because women are probably happier being single and alone.

Why does it appear men are so much more vocal about it, on an extremely high amount of internet forums, not just this one?

There are some women on the internet you see complaining of being single, but on the majority of popular websites they seem few and far between and are their male counterparts are the overwhelming majority ('sausage-fest').

Forget about the 50/50 gender ratio, what I want to know is even if this is so, why does it appear for every individual woman complaining she is miserably lonely and depressed due to not having a relationship/few friends, there appears to be at least 25 males in the same boat?

Why is it when men pursue women they hope significantly for a positive outcome and to possibly get to know someone nice, but women tend to see being approached as 'just some stranger' even if she's attracted back to him?

314pe
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18 Aug 2016, 4:17 am

Hopper wrote:

Anyway, my remark was aimed at the sentiment that, somehow, men find it harder to get a relationship than women. I see it quite a bit around here, and in general, but the numbers (and reason) don't bear it out.

Numbers do bear it out. The ratio of men born is larger than the ratio of women.

Hopper
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18 Aug 2016, 5:11 am

Outrider wrote:

Why does it appear men are so much more vocal about it, on an extremely high amount of internet forums, not just this one?

Forget about the 50/50 gender ratio, what I want to know is even if this is so, why does it appear for every individual woman complaining she is miserably lonely and depressed due to not having a relationship/few friends, there appears to be at least 25 males in the same boat?

Why is it when men pursue women they hope significantly for a positive outcome and to possibly get to know someone nice, but women tend to see being approached as 'just some stranger' even if she's attracted back to him?

It could well be women are less bothered about being single. Not that they are not bothered, to be clear, but that, overall, they are less so than men.

But I don't think so, considering the various media aimed at women.

I suspect it's socio-cultural,and due to the relative positions and expectations of male and female (of course, we're operating in the heterosexual monogamous paradigm which, for better or worse, is still the dominant one). I suspect women are more likely to swallow their 'failure', and focus inward, blame themselves. They don't need to ask what the problem or cause is, they already 'know' - it's them. Men blame women (see the endless cod-Darwinian theorising that goes on around here, plus 'mean mommy won't let me be a Real Man'), other men, society at large. The problem or cause is out there, and if they can't find a way to solve it, they at least need to register their disatisfaction and anger, and go on the occasional violent rampage about it.

314pe wrote:

Numbers do bear it out. The ratio of men born is larger than the ratio of women.

Significantly? And everywhere?

_________________
Of course, it's probably quite a bit more complicated than that.

You know sometimes, between the dames and the horses, I don't even know why I put my hat on.

314pe
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18 Aug 2016, 5:23 am

Hopper wrote:

314pe wrote:

Numbers do bear it out. The ratio of men born is larger than the ratio of women.

Significantly? And everywhere?

Depends on what you would call a significantly larger ratio. To me, 5% is significant. And yes, everywhere it's similar.

HighLlama
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18 Aug 2016, 5:29 am

Outrider wrote:

Because women are probably happier being single and alone.Why is it when men pursue women they hope significantly for a positive outcome and to possibly get to know someone nice, but women tend to see being approached as 'just some stranger' even if she's attracted back to him?

A few notes from Jane Austen:

"It is always incomprehensible to a man that a woman should ever refuse an offer of marriage. A man always imagines a woman to be ready for anybody who asks her."

"A woman is not to marry a man merely because she is asked, or because he is attached to her, or can write a tolerable letter."

Those are characters speaking, but worthwhile points. Men (and women) can have very distorted expectations of the opposite sex. Women also have to worry about rape in ways straight men don't. And I think not enough men are looking to meet someone nice, they're looking for sex, a trophy, an ideal, etc. If we were all really content with just meeting someone nice, relationships wouldn't be so difficult.

Sabreclaw
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18 Aug 2016, 5:33 am

Hopper wrote:

Men blame women (see the endless cod-Darwinian theorising that goes on around here, plus 'mean mommy won't let me be a Real Man'), other men, society at large. The problem or cause is out there, and if they can't find a way to solve it, they at least need to register their disatisfaction and anger, and go on the occasional violent rampage about it.

I resent this attitude. I've never blamed women or any other people for me being single. I even snapped at that f**kwit Aspie1 for continuously posting that beta/alpha male 80/20 nonsense. And I'm not the only one on this site who's tired of people just assuming we're angry at the world for being single. I loathe myself and myself alone for my situation.

These constant blanket statements and general attitude about lonely men can really hurt. I can't be the only one here who finds these kinds of statements to be nothing short of condescending and degrading.

Outrider
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18 Aug 2016, 5:37 am

You're right about that part HighLlama.

I agree about the approaching part I wrote, I wasn't paying closer attention to what i was saying and what I was thinking and messed up. My bad.

314pe
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18 Aug 2016, 5:41 am

It's funny, but in the online world I would argue that blaming the society is more productive because online it's easier to find an accepting society rather than to change yourself according to the standards of the society.

Hopper
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18 Aug 2016, 5:47 am

Well how about that.

I found figures for England and Wales and though, overall, there's more females than males (make it to 65 and you'll be drowning in geriatric p****, if I may be uncharacteristically crude), the live birth rate is about 105 males for 100 females. Which I make to be a 2.4% difference. 51.2 to 48.8.

That doesn't seem all that significant to me. Give the distribution:

I'd find it hard to think I was at the mercy of a statistical imbalance.

_________________
Of course, it's probably quite a bit more complicated than that.

You know sometimes, between the dames and the horses, I don't even know why I put my hat on.

Hopper
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18 Aug 2016, 5:53 am

Sabreclaw wrote:

Hopper wrote:

I was speaking at a generalised level, and appreciate I could have been more precise with my words. No offense meant, except to those who talk such shite. As you do not do such a thing, and in fact fight the good fight, my remark was simply not aimed at you. I myself have been alone, and have failed, and have never laid the blame anywhere other than at my own feet. But the I can't let the amount of BS I see about it pass without comment.

I would also urge you to not loathe yourself. It does no good.

ETA: It occurs to me I had in mind the different socialisations of men and women.

_________________
Of course, it's probably quite a bit more complicated than that.

You know sometimes, between the dames and the horses, I don't even know why I put my hat on.

314pe
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18 Aug 2016, 6:13 am

Hopper wrote:

I found figures for England and Wales and though, overall, there's more females than males (make it to 65 and you'll be drowning in geriatric p****, if I may be uncharacteristically crude), the live birth rate is about 105 males for 100 females. Which I make to be a 2.4% difference. 51.2 to 48.8.

The added bonus of dating someone who's older than 65 is that you might get some inheritance money.

The difference between 105 and 100 is 5%.

The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Aug 2016, 6:43 am

ThatsWhatSheSaid wrote:

You may find this human interest piece of... well, interest:

add this next bit to "wired.com":
/2014/01/how-to-hack-okcupid/

Dude created dummy accounts, datamined his target demographic with a Python script, determined the optimal questions to answer to be matched with his target demographic (at some point he determined that which *questions* to answer was more relevant to matching than which *answers* given, iirc)... then analyzed their preferences to determine which aspects of himself to highlight in his profile... built a profile highlighting those (truthful only, though) assets and answered the questions he'd determined would result in optimal matching by the site.

Then he built two profiles (which definitely violates the EULA) and another script to visit high-match pages so that [premium only, iirc] would get notifications he'd been looking.

And then sat back and let the messages roll in.
Not joking.

And started going on 1+ dates per day. With the attitude of, if she's not, like, The One, no second date. On #80-something he met the woman he was marrying at the time of publishing...

I never actually followed up on that and now I'm kinda curious if it worked out for him in the long run.
I'll have to google that later.

I think you're right though. It's really hard for men on those sites.

EDIT: S/O to whoever wrote in the new user [link] recognition filter - that took me a few tries to get around :twisted:

So we conclude from that that even a math phd genius man struggles to find a date on okcupid in the normal ways.

I am sure a lot would see his 'project' as optimum of desperation.

I watched a video of him, he did end marrying an Asian woman (generalization: based on my exp, Asian girls usually find some white guys as hot-looking/exotic while being considered average by white girls; and Asian/Eastern culture regards very highly the academic achievements and education.).

Mark zuckerberg's wife is Asian too....hmm.

androbot01
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18 Aug 2016, 7:28 am

This is not a man/woman dichotomy, it's a winner/loser dichotomy. Winners do well on online dating sites because they are offering a desirable product. Losers such as myself are passed over for as many reasons as their are viewers of my profile.
Sometimes I think I may have something to offer someone, but he would have to be a unique guy.

kraftiekortie
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18 Aug 2016, 7:33 am

I believe I have something to offer----but I would absolutely suck on an online dating site.

I'm glad they didn't have them when I was young LOL

androbot01
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18 Aug 2016, 7:58 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

I believe I have something to offer----

Of course you do ... you're married; you must have done something right.

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