Dating advice, please help?!

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i think what tom said makes a lot more sense, because celibacy is something that you can be serious about, but asexuality is only a matter of what you want and what you're comfortable with or not. "being serious about it" means shutting doors that the op doesn't seem to be completely sure about yet. that's counterproductive for self-discovery

It's only sexual people that actually believe that asexuals can be "cured" or "come out" as sexuals. If you already have discovered that you are asexual, this simply never happens, which is because you have already tried to be sexual and found out it is not for you. What happens is that if you get together with a sexual guy (or girl) is that you will get pressured for sex and possibly used or abused.

I think your coming at this from the perspective of a someone who certain about their feelings/personality and have been in that a long time.

But that is not necessarily the case for the OP. She leans in that direction perhaps, but is not yet committed. Really, no one can or should try and push her in any direction at all. Providing information about all the options I would think the most useful approach.

To the contrary. I'm extremely conflicted in the sexual area. I knew already as a teenager that I didn't like sexual intercourse, and even found it disgusting, but there is more to sex than sexual intercourse.



The causality is the reverse. People that identify as asexual, or find sexual intercourse disgusting in their teens will get huge problems with intimacy in their 20s and beyond. I've proved this in a large study. The reason they get these huge problems is because they are pressured for sex and that people take for granted that everybody enjoys sex. If people could just leave these people alone they would fare a lot better.

Sorry I'm late getting back to this guys, been feeling very overwhelmed.

Anyway, thanks for all of your input but rdos is right for me on this one. I'm not unclear about my asexuality, I have always known that I wasn't interested in sex. In school and college I would enjoy flirtations with boys and getting to know them, but I always felt hugely uncomfortable with hands on my thigh under the desk, hands on my waist, boys trying to kiss me etc.. I knew I (relatively) liked the mental part of relationships, but that the physical one wasn't for me, and this has always been difficult because it's a lot to ask of another (sexual) person.

I feel physically sick or trapped if someone touches me non-sexually on the shoulder even (my brother still does it to see me freak out ), so I can't imagine that sex would be pleasurable at all. Still, I know that that's hard for sexual people to understand, especially when so much of our culture is sex-driven, so I appreciate all of your opinions.

I will hold out on saying I'm asexual for a little longer; I might not need to say if the relationship doesn't work out. I know that I will have to tell him if the relationship does go further. Ideally I would just say all of my little conditions right away lol, but I feel that my asexuality could almost be used against me more than my autism. I mean, if I behave differently and I say I'm HFA, people would probably accept it, but if you say that you're asexual, from what I've seen it can lead to some backlash and awkwardness (or just people telling you you might be wrong!)

Thanks again everybody.

Well, good luck with it!

Thanks Tom