This is bad...this is really bad...

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Did Face of Boo make it clear they were friends only? I'm sure he did.

Spending all this time with somebody you know has a crush on you seems a bit misleading.

and what am I supposed to tell her?

"Hey, let's stop being friends because I suspect you have a crunch on me".

Or to ghost her suddenly after knowing her for about 4 years because someone on the internet told me so?

You need to read my thread "Can Men and Women Just Be Friends", and I still say - NO.

and why no one is saying that she may be leading me on? :p

Most plans are not initiated me.

Honeslty, no one is leading on the other, even if there's some feelings involved.

My question is, if the situation were reversed would you even spend the time of day with her knowing there was no possibility for more? I say.... NO. I think you like the tease, Boo. If one person is attracted to the other, they are staying because they think that just maybe something may change in the future and the other person will see just how wonderful they really are and come to their senses.

Wrong!

I have casual female friends whose company I enjoy for what it is. Also two good female friends, who got married and "vanished", although we talk on the phone occasionally. They all bring enough to the table as friends that I don't feel compelled to turn them into girlfriends. Some of them I'm not interested in. Others I kind of like. In the latter case, if one of them were to suddenly be interested in dating me, would I do it? Absolutely! Am I waiting and hoping for her to come around? No! It wastes my time and emotional effort, not to mention smacks of beta male-ness. Instead, I focused on looking for women with whom attraction is mutual. As well as control my sex drive---and the desperation that goes with it---via certain services.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 28 Aug 2016, 9:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh boy.

Here we bloody go, mates.

I declare this is Round 1 of the Gender Wars.

Ready? Go!

What do most people say when the genders are reversed?

When a 'nice guy' chooses to be friends with a woman when he secretly has feelings for her but won't reveal his feelings?

Usually, he is accused of being a liar/manipulative/having dishonest intentions.

So, is the woman in this case a liar/has dishonest intentions?

Perhaps she developed feelings after being friends. Is she still dishonest if she continues to hide her feelings and only be his friend?

What about if a guy continues to be friends with a woman he's fallen for? Dishonest?

And a 'nice guy' is not entitled to any sex or romance just because he did nice things for her.

Let's of course apply this here as well - Boo does not owe her ANYTHING. She is not entitled to any sex or romance just because she's his friend and she's been nice to her. At best if she does a favor for him, it would be the right thing for him to do a favor in return.

And if a man with feelings for a woman hangs out with her and she does not show ANY signs she's attracted to him, and she does not flirt with him, of course, she's not leading her on, because she's treating him like a friend. Why does it matter if they're doing activities one-on-one rather than in a group? Oh, right. Men and women can't be 'just friends'.

The opposite is also true. So unless Boo has flirted with her and shown any sort of signs to her he is interested in her, he's 'not leading her on'.

Discuss.

I agree with this to a certain extent. I think men and women can be friends, however... I've been there. You hope the other person will grow to like you back, you delude yourself into thinking it will happen, but it never does, but you still keep trying.

Does she at least know you're dating and or looking for other women?

Have you encouraged her to date other people?

Have you made it clear you are just friends?

If you were absolutely clear with her in the first place you wouldn't have had this panic.

A sin of omission.

Moat people offline don't actually care about gender wars.

What's important is real people's feelings.

Simply ignoring that your friend has feelings for you and repeatedly accepting invites and spending most of your time with a person is leading them on if you know fine well they have feelings for you. It is reinforcing the attachment. Regardless of gender. Could be the case with two gay men or a gay man and a straight friend.

Yeah, I was just being dramatic because I can tell which direction this thread may be going.

Alright, that makes sense.

He's got to be honest with her then if he knows. The female friends I've had have done this.

From the sounds of it though, he's afraid to.

Tell us, Boo, what really is the problem? You say you're interested but can't due to incompatible religions. Is that all or are you just using it as proxy for your disinterest in her romantically?

I'm intrigued that you don't think that's a good enough reason. She's already hinted that she'd like it if he celebrated Ramadan. Do you really want a relationship where the other person just doesn't get your ideological perspective on life? Do you want to be with someone who is trying to save you?

Being with the wrong person can be more lonely than being alone if they don't get your perspective especially in matters of strict adherence to a faith.

I think he likes her romantically, but is concerned about their religious and philosophical differences.

It's a good enough reason.

It's just sometimes I see people grasping at straws for any reason they can to reject someone when the 'real' reason is simply that they're not attracted to them.

It's kind of like people using the excuse "I'm too busy for a relationship right now" when that may not be the case.

As someone who'd been on the receiving end of unrequited infatuations in my early teens, even I very much agree. Attraction or lack thereof is nothing to feel sorry about. What matters is how you act. Which means being appropriate and honest for both parties when interest is not mutual.

I like the person (romantic feelings aside), I like the person's company, is that too hard to believe?

There's no tease or flirting at all, from my side at least.


Yes, it's a dead-end deal breaker, and probably it's deal breaker for her too...but perhaps she hopes I may change. Believers often believe that faith is embedded naturally in people (well in a way it is, evolutionary speaking, not in the way they're thinking of), and that atheism is just a 'being lost phase' and they'll eventually return.




I am not actually really dating or seeing other women (not finding anyone), except the very few dates that fail that I meet through dating apps, and except the few casual sex/fwb that occasionally occur - and that latter is a too taboo subject to talk about in my culture especially with the local women (at least not anymore) and religious people. (refer to the bold part by Drawyer in my post : viewtopic.php?f=6&t=325553&start=120)

I am very private about my (seldom) sexual life in my area.
And dating apps have their own bad stigma here so I don't really talk about using them to anyone in real life.

and I won't be like her mother and pressure her to find someone (she complains how her mother encourages her to find someone), her romantic/sex life is also none of my business.
She told me in the past of suitors that her mother tried to arrange, and how they were all unsuitable/unattractive.

If she didn't declare clearly anything to me, why should I put myself in an awkward situation?

I panicked from the thought of this outing because we really may have looked like a couple to others (because they're all couples), but the crowded setting saved me, so we sounded like a group of buddies more than anything.