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can't make sense of what this means

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drearyday
Butterfly
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13 Sep 2016, 4:12 pm

Synth.osx wrote:
If you meet someone online in the future, be sure to meet them within a month of initial contact.

I met my current girlfriend a few weeks after I talked to her online. If a person doesn't show clear intention without a couple of weeks, it is best to move on. If you have suspicions that someone online is not who they say they are, trust your instinct.

The danger of online dating is that you could place the person on an unrealistic pedestal and ignore potential suitors that are much more realistic in the long run because you are focused on a relationship with someone you have never met.


Well to be fair, he did ask to meet in the beginning when we first started talking, but I wasn't able to make it because I was pretty busy. I did ask him to come visit me instead, but he said it was a bad idea because what if I don't like him, then he will be stranded in my city alone (whereas I had lots of friends in his city so it would be better to wait until I am there). Then he ended up moving, so that changed things.

After he moved, he wanted to buy me a plane ticket to fly out to see him, but I felt safer having him come here first, so we decided to wait until he came here this fall. Fall arrived and then this happened.



Dr.Pepper
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15 Sep 2016, 7:27 pm

For whatever reason, he is not interested in pursuing it. Just move on. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't want to invest in you.



drearyday
Butterfly
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20 Sep 2016, 12:01 pm

But the reason matters...there are many possibilities and I don't know which it is...

If he still has feelings for me and wants me, but is pulling back because he is just uncomfortable getting intimate/moving fast, then I would want to see if we can just be friends and take it slower with no pressures

Or if he still has feelings for me and wants me but is pulling back because of some neutral incompatibility that he genuinely feels will make us not work, then I would give up the idea of being romantic with him and would still like to be friends

But if he doesn't have feelings for me and just doesn't want me anymore, then that would hurt and I would have to accept it and grieve the pain



racheypie666
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20 Sep 2016, 12:11 pm

drearyday wrote:
But the reason matters...there are many possibilities and I don't know which it is...

If he still has feelings for me and wants me, but is pulling back because he is just uncomfortable getting intimate/moving fast, then I would want to see if we can just be friends and take it slower with no pressures

Or if he still has feelings for me and wants me but is pulling back because of some neutral incompatibility that he genuinely feels will make us not work, then I would give up the idea of being romantic with him and would still like to be friends

But if he doesn't have feelings for me and just doesn't want me anymore, then that would hurt and I would have to accept it and grieve the pain


Wow, you are really hurting over this aren't you :( ? Has he contacted you at all since last time, and have you contacted him?



drearyday
Butterfly
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Joined: 14 Aug 2016
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 12

01 Oct 2016, 7:34 pm

I contacted him and was just honest and explained how I feel, and how it's hurting me to not know what happened.

He hasn't responded.

Although, after I sent the email, he "liked" and then "unliked" one of my old photos - I guess he accidentally liked it and then went back and unliked it. I'm not sure why he was on my profile and what that's about but yeah