PuzzlePieces1 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
MaxE wrote:
Actually, the only thing she did wrong was confess. She thought the OP had developed enough maturity to put the incident in perspective and forgive her. She should have kept her mouth shut.
So if someone confessed to me of a
murder after years, I should just forget it and not call the police?
Thank you. This is a perfect response.
The OP needs to get an "abundance mentality". There is literally an unending supply of women in this world. Nobody is really all that special. And when someone hurts you in an unforgivable way such as by cheating on you, you should dump them. You don't need to be with someone who treats you like that. You are a person of value who deserves better than someone like that.
OK one more post and I promise I'll leave this thread.
Please read the OP. Under the circumstances I would be willing to overlook what the lady did. I think everyone will agree that what she did was wrong, however it would be ridiculous to equate this with murder. Plus cheating is not necessarily the worst thing someone can do in a relationship. There's
this for example. As I said, she should have just kept this thing a secret between herself and the other guy. She thought the OP could handle it but was wrong. Going forward, she'll probably be a lot less open with him, if the relationship in fact survives much longer.
If you look at some of the OP's earlier posts, you might see that he hasn't been the best boyfriend in the world either. Of course who is? I think we tolerate each other in this forum because we share similar deficits in our dealings with others. But we should also be willing to own up to our deficiencies. The "D" in ASD does stand for "disorder" after all.
A couple of years ago I posted this about a past girlfriend -
Was she on the spectrum? I feel like sharing a bit more of that story than what was written before, as it might help to explain how I arrive at some of my opinions.
So when she and I first became a couple, I can recall she told me she had a "lover" - in fact I know who the guy was. In fact, she described him as very "gentle" which if you think about it, would typically only be said in reference to somebody who was very "well endowed". I can recall not having assumed at the time that she would never hook up with him again, as it was plainly described as a purely FWB situation. Although my memory may not be so dependable so many decades later, I can recall at the time not really caring if she did. Later on (maybe a few weeks later) I happened to stop by a venue where an event was being held by a cultural group. When I got there, I saw her walk past holding hands with some guy. If I recall, she smiled at me and continued on. That evening, I calmly asked her to never do that again
in front of me which she never did IIRC. However it's quite possible she had a friendly hook-up in the guy's van before saying good-bye to him. In case it's not clear, I was essentially living with her at that point. She and I spent every night together. In fact the relationship continued for another couple of years. If you don't think she was serious about me, the fact is that the following Spring she actually announced our engagement in the local newspaper. In fact she was so much into me at the time, that during the summer when I couldn't be with her, when I would come to visit, at the end of our visit when I had to leave, she would always throw up from the degree of upset. To be perfectly honest, I should have actually married her, even if it hadn't worked out in the long run. I didn't know how good I had it.
Part of the explanation is that she was the most sex-positive female I ever met - I guess I just couldn't bring myself to be angry at her for a couple of indiscretions.
Her influence may well be why I have so little patience with the repressed attitude some people on these forums have with regard to the topic of sex and relationships.
Just felt like getting that off my chest.
Oh one more thing. @PuzzlePieces1 - "abundance mentality"? - Nope, not a thing. I'll bet dollars to doughnuts plenty others will agree with that.
Actually, I will post again in the event of a legitimate request for me to clarify what I have said up til now.
The average person is not okay with someone they are in a relationship with having sex with someone from outside the relationship. That's just human nature. And that's okay. It's okay for someone to want their partner to be exclusive to them. People aren't required to say that everything their partner does is fine. It's okay to have standards and to say that you deserve better when someone behaves in a way that is unacceptable to you.
Now some people are much more permissive. There's actually a fetish called "cuckoldism" where men enjoy sharing their partner with others. Some men even like watching their partner with someone else in person. However, this is very rare in this world. Most people want their partner to be faithful to them. Most people want exclusivity and once again that is okay.
I don't know why so many people think that men and women are not allowed to set standards. Nobody is required to permit their partner to treat them any way they want to. That's what I was trying to say about "abundance mentality." Too often, people think that they need to stay with someone who is abusive or unkind or unfaithful, when the reality is that there are literally BILLIONS of other people out there that they could be in a relationship with instead. Abusive and unkind people are not special unicorns that you are required to stay with.
I hope everyone on this board accepts the fact that they are people of value who can decide for themselves what is acceptable and unacceptable. It is okay to cut people who hurt you out of your life. It is okay to stop being friends or being in a romantic relationship with people who don't respect you. Believe in your own value and do what is right for you.
18 Sep 2016, 3:20 pm
