ironpony and Campin_Cat wrote:
I told the dental bill problem to my friend, to get advice, and he said that I seem to be being a little unsupportive of her and her problems, and that he notices that I do not pay for her when he go out anymore (him implying that is not good of me), and that it's the boyfriend's job to pay and support, he says.
Did this happen AFTER they went to the movie, together? It doesn't matter, really, because of the kind of person she is (CLASSIC narcissist), she has been working her "charm" on HIM, as well. Just like with ALL narcissists, one will NEVER be able to say they are bad, cuz they've done such a good job of making everybody believe they (the narcissist - your girlfriend) are GOOD!!
So I guess I stuck with her cause I was in love with her, and hoping things would work out and we could work through our problems, and be better people in the end maybe.
NO----a narcissist NEVER wants to BE "better people", they only want to be WITH "better people". Here's the thing, narcissists are SOOOOOO incredibly insecure, have the LOWEST of self-esteem, etc., that they REFUSE to look in the mirror, because they KNOW what they'll find there----a LOSER (in THEIR eyes). It's alot of work, to build-up their OWN self-esteem (again, it takes alot of looking in the mirror); SO, they weave this tale of how WONDERFUL they are (mostly LIES), so that OTHER people will GIVE them, their self-esteem----BUT, it's never enough!! If they get their claws into ONE person (one person buys their crap), then their EGO (FALSE esteem) starts to grow (NOT their esteem, cuz only THEY can make THAT grow), and they think "Hey, if HE/she bought it (my crap), maybe I can sell it (my lies), to someone ELSE"----and, they DO, time-and-time, AGAIN; 'til they become a MONSTER (a person whom absolutely NO ONE will believe they are ANYTHING other than NICE / giving / compassionate / etc.----anything OTHER, than what they've MADE people believe [CREATED themselves, as])! ! The only thing to do, is to get-away from them----cuz, don't even THINK about "winning" against them (or, having a blissful life WITH them), because they've always got DOZENS of people that they have already played (groomed) / lined-up to "feed" them----and, if they DON'T (have other people lined-up), it's as simple, for them, to go hook another sucker, as putting-on their clothes for an activity.
You will NEVER do enough / give enough / say enough, etc., etc., etc., and your relationship will ALWAYS be very "crowded", because, she'll ALWAYS be working-on the next person, to have in her stash / backup / collection----always being scared-to-DEATH of "what if I'm left ALONE?" (read, "Then I'll have only MYSELF to deal-with----and, I don't LIKE myself!").
But after reading responses on here, maybe my friend is wrong.
YES, he WAS!! Like I said, she's been workin'-on him, since day ONE----afterall, the easiest way to get someone (YOU), is to "get" (convince) ALL the people that are important to THEM (YOU). He's already BOUGHT ALL of her crap, and is thinking "Awww, but she's so nice, kind, thoughtful, giving, fun, etc., etc., etc. If you dump her, don't be surprised if she IMMEDIATELY goes running to HIM (your friend)----it doesn't matter if he's married, gay, has a girlfriend / boyfriend; REMEMBER, narcissists have an EGO as big as TEXAS----if your friend is married, her ego will have her believing she can have him; if your friend is gay, her ego will have her believing she can "turn" him; if your friend has a girlfriend / boyfriend, her (your girlfriend) ego will have her believing, that she can make him think that SHE'S (your girlfriend) the better choice, for him----and, if he's SINGLE, well then, it's a piece of CAKE!! It wouldn't even matter if your boyfriend was a-sexual, cuz your girlfriend would manipulate him so MUCH / so RUTHLESSLY (although, covertly----cuz, remember, she has to APPEAR "nice") / so ENDLESSLY, that he would think it would just be MUCH easier to give-in to her, and then maybe she'll leave him alone----which, of course, would only make her WORSE!!
Me and my gf went out to dinner with her friend this weekend, cause she wanted to. My gf said that she was low on money, so I offered to pay again, after a while to be nice. But she and her friend kept talking about their financial troubles and how they have no support from anyone. She said this to her friend, like I wasn't even in the room.
Yeah, she was doing at least TWO things, here..... No. 1, she was keeping her friend "reeled-in", by saying "Yeah, I know what you mean----I feel for you..."; and, no. 2, she was covertly giving you a guilt trip----if you had confronted her with it, she would've said: "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry----I didn't mean YOU----I didn't mean to make YOU feel bad----I was just talking----I'm just so worried about my bills..." (and, she might even throw-in a little glassy-eyed look, for good measure, to turn the tables so that YOU would feel bad, for saying anything)----and, AGAIN, she's REELED you back!!
D you think maybe she is just desparate for money and really needs it to live?
NO----cuz if she doesn't get it from YOU, she'll get it from somebody ELSE----like P.T. Barnum always said: "There's a sucker born, every minute". I'll give you a sure-fire way to check..... Has she ever asked you / someone else for money, and then spent her OWN money, on something else? The answer is, YES!! If, at-no-other-time, then when you have bought her a meal, and then she has bought YOU a gift, to keep you reeled-in!!
You cannot----MUST not----be / hold yourself responsible, for someone else's life. If she doesn't have enough money, that's HER problem / she brought it, on HERSELF!! Now, don't get me wrong----I KNOW, first-hand, that there are people who DON'T cause themselves to be in debt----but, my thinking is, from what-all you've said about her, she doesn't worry about what she spends, because in the back of her mind, she's thinking she'll ALWAYS find someone to help her out of a jam (cuz, afterall, "haven't I done an OUTSTANDING job of being 'nice' to people, to ENSURE that NO ONE will deny me"----EGO, working on HER, again; ego, that she's worked very HARD, to "earn")! !
Also, don't even THINK about talking to her about the way she is, or suggesting that she / you all see a therapist, because she would, no. 1 turn it around on YOU----that YOU are the one with the problem; and, no. 2, she will NEVER look in the mirror----again, because she doesn't like what she sees there; and, it's her OWN fault (and everybody who puts-up with her), because she's NEVER done anything, HERSELF (all on her OWN / all by herself) to fix herself!!
25 Sep 2016, 6:48 pm
