in love with someone who is already dating someone else.

Post Reply New Topic

I'd be very angry if someone had the audacity to think my relationship with my boyfriend means so little I'd be willing to throw that away for some sleazy affair with them. Like wanting to punch the a**hole angry.

This is one of those examples of how much of a dinosaur I am... 'in my day/where I come from' pursuing someones girl (or guy)/spouse whatever is certain grounds for an asskicking.

Theres not even a hesitation other than trying to figure out how your gonna get away wth it.

I just think it's wrong to try and interfere with somebody else's relationships like that. It's also rather rude suggesting that a woman can just be "stolen" as though she doesn't give a damn about her partner.

And purely from a self-centered perspective, you're making things much harder on yourself by chasing after people already in relationships. Even if you do win them over, you've just earned yourself a girlfriend who could easily dump you for the next guy that comes along.

There's absolutely no grounds for chasing after people who are already in relationships. It's a stupid waste of time, and flat out rude.

I never said it was nice and polite. Man or woman, doesn't matter. There's usually not enough invested in bf/gf relationships that one or both partners can't change their minds. Hence if you want to pursue someone in a relationship, there's really nothing stopping you. Your odds of success might be more or less affected, but that doesn't really change anything. Personally, I would avoid married/separated/divorced women because I see that as a whole different game. There might be only a slight deterrant there, but not enough you couldn't go after them. As a matter of principle, breaking up a marriage destroys lives. Women with children and in relationships are kind of a grey area, but in my view it amounts to the same.



Ah yes... "Once a cheater, always a cheater." I briefly dated a girl like that. She played this brilliant head game on me if I hadn't come to my senses I'd either have ended up in jail or killed myself. But...so what? Any girl could do that at any time. Just because she was unattached when you met her doesn't mean she won't dump you at the first sign of a better deal. Or cheat on you. It doesn't matter, really. Land a decent guy or gal, they'll cheat or leave. Land a cheater, they'll cheat or leave. Either way, you JUST MIGHT find someone who doesn't want anyone else but you...until you take them for granted, someone approaches you, and YOU end up cheating or leaving.

Sure, it's self-centered. All human desires ultimately are. Even dedicated do-gooders wouldn't be who they are if they didn't get some warm-n-fuzzy feeling out of it.


Oh there are grounds, all right. Not necessarily rooted in logic, but they're there. If she's in an abusive relationship where she might be hurt or even killed, go for it and be ready to fight. If she's not happy, satisfied, or even content, go for it. Or maybe if she'd met you first, she wouldn't even be with her bf now.

And there really doesn't HAVE to be any "grounds," so I don't know why we have to assume that there are. You just like her, so go for it. That's enough for me!

More interesting, I think, is more why NOT to do it. And the main reason I can think of is you're self-centered enough you wouldn't want anyone to pursue YOUR significant other. It's not about being nice or kind at all. It's about you clinging to a relationship and not worrying about competition. Worrying about it is the real waste of time!

Oh and ftr: As of last night, I've been in a LTR for 17 years. AND I "stole" her. From a frat brother. Because I COULD!

I guess that's the point: if you see you are the one who can kick the boyfriend's ass, you go and challenge him.

I admit I have to agree with a lot of what AngelRho says. I think it makes it worse when someone will absolutely be 100% against that sort of thing and then cheat. I hate hypocrites and people claiming moral highground more than anyone.

I suppose you could look at it from the angle that you could be giving them a better deal.

Or if you go to extremes with projecting. There are those who can rationalize their own behavior, but paranoia and fear take over once it crosses their mind that their partner COULD potentially do the same. I say keep your love life simple. If you want to leave someone for another, at least explain that cheating is wrong, you plan to break up first, and you want to enjoy being unattached for a while. That would be the decent thing to do.

...assuming everyone is nice and plays by the "rules"!


As long as you aren't just being arrogant. Do you actually care about the other person? Can you really offer a better relationship? In my situation, she wanted to break up with him, anyway. All I did was provide a convenient excuse and a refuge to run to when things got bad. He threatened to kill me; we called the police and put him in jail. Why it had to come to that is beyond my understanding. What can I say? Some guys are just jerks.

The only thing I'd say to people is beware of stray dogs. It feels good to be the hero. Question why it is some folks habitually fall into bad situations and steer clear from them. If you end up with someone with severe unmanageable issues, REALLY be cautious because those people are difficult to leave once you get into a committed relationship with them.

^ Yeh, I was going to say with that sort of thing to be very cautious. I had the opportunity to do it a few years ago, and I didn't go ahead in the end. I think if you're going to go that route, then there'd better be a good explanation for it. It's toying with very strong emotions that could wreck peoples' lives. I'm not like that.

I feel that my comment earlier, was a bit, umm, careless. That's not just since you replied, I kinda thought it after I wrote it, I didn't add much explanation. I would justify doing that sort of thing only if you were 100% sure that it would be helping the other person out too. I'd much rather stay away from that sort of thing. I don't want to be the cause of extreme heartbreak for someone, it would make me feel really, really awful, and a genuinely bad person, even though I don't normally associate human behaviour with good and bad.

I think it just came to my head that I knew of people who were self-righteous and would talk about never doing it and then going ahead and doing it. Actions speak louder than words. I mean, I think people who act like they're above everyone else in the sense of morality...I dunno. I've experienced a few people like that, who have had a great impact on me. That kind of came out. I have a hard time forgiving those people.

Well, just how much is someone worth to you? I was actually up against someone a lot stronger than me, better looking, and more charming.

What made the difference was 1) I'm slightly smarter, and 2) Women happen to be one of my very few special interests, so I understand the opposite sex better. If I really have to be that persuasive, she's not the right woman for me. All I had to do was wait and let this guy do my job for me.

I don't target guys I perceive to be physically weaker than me, or guys with less charismatic personalities than me. Good grief, I'm a dull wimp, and I've had guys do that to me. So, yeah, it offends my conscience. At the end of the day, if it's that easy to lose her to another guy, did we ever really belong together?

You're a real stand up guy aren't you?

Enough for you doesn't mean enough for everyone else....most people in a relationship don't want other people trying to get with them. Why not pursue them? because you're likely to piss them and their S.O off...which could result in quite the unpleasant embarrassing situation for you.

That's why the key point is who is more likely to kick whose ass. If the odds are with you, you can intentionally make advances towards the girlfriend looking forward to, at worst, having a good deal of fun, and, at best, convincing the girlfriend to ditch her boyfriend once she's disgusted enough at him for being unable to stop you from humiliating him savagely, and choose you instead.

Unless of course the girlfriend cares about her boyfriend, I'd be disgusted with the a**hole trying to make advances especially if on top of that they went disrespecting my boyfriend and attempted humilating...it would not be fun for that individual.

If not married… Then I say go for it, open season. But I question how well the friendship was if you didn’t know she was dating. So probably can’t damage it much further.

My reaction would be horrified by the actions of the pursuer. How dare they hurt and humiliate the man I love. Perhaps my boyfriend would feel bad about himself and angry with himself but it would only push me to be with him more to support him.

Anyone who would hurt the person I love to try and 'win' me would be a monster in my eyes

Well, you know how bullying works. They always find a way to make it look and feel to everyone, including themselves, you and any audience, like you are the one who unwisely started the fight by offending them. This helps everyone lose inconvenient sympathy for the target of the bullying and enthusiastically side with the bully.

It's little wonder that evolution endowed the average human brain with so many resources to BS yourself and others into accepting that the side in the right is precisely the one you're more likely to survive and reproduce successfully if you join. Those without such skills were wiped out of the gene pool, either because they lost the fight or because their BS failed to be convincing enough and they were executed as traitors and cowards.