This lady has some serious issues with Aspies

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Amaltheia
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Joined: 18 Apr 2016
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 154
Location: Adelaide, South Australia

02 Dec 2016, 9:30 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

[You being the wife or girlfriend doesn't make you entitled to know EVERY secret of your partner, and it has nothing to do to how they think of you- what a weird logic.

Relationships are built on trust. If you don't trust someone, why are you bothering to be in a relationship with them?

Committing yourself to keeping secrets for every moment of the rest of your life sounds exhausting. I really think that, if you don't trust anyone, you'd be better off staying single. At least that way you can relax and be yourself when you're at home alone.

The_Face_of_Boo
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02 Dec 2016, 10:45 am

Alliekit wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Alliekit wrote:

If my partner lied to me about their diagnosis I would be really upset. If they can lie about that and keep that secret from me they clearly don't think highly of me.

Every one can keep secrets to themselves only.

You being the wife or girlfriend doesn't make you entitled to know EVERY secret of your partner, and it has nothing to do to how they think of you- what a weird logic.

It's not about that it's the reason your choosing not to tell them. You choose not to tell someone because you assume the worst about.

No, because this what would happen:
- She will google "Asperger's syndrome"
- She will read materials like this woman's website and gathering generalizations, including scary stuff.
- She will read bitter stories by women with AS partners.
- She may contact bitter women about their AS partners who will encourage her to quit it, and will start developing ideas that may be false.
- Getting "Aha!" moments and starting associating the slightest faults to AS.
-As Sabreclaw hit the nail with it, they start to see you as a label and stop seeing you as a person, and apply the generalizations of that label to you.
==> Things get ruined.

Amaltheia wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

[You being the wife or girlfriend doesn't make you entitled to know EVERY secret of your partner, and it has nothing to do to how they think of you- what a weird logic.

This was so hyperbolic, one secret kept won't make a relationship impossible or based on untrust - there are plenty of reasons why one chooses not to tell a secret other than lack of trust.

As I said, I don't have an official diagnosis, so what secret that I am keeping really? My suspicion of having AS? Not worth to tell.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 02 Dec 2016, 10:56 am, edited 4 times in total.

League_Girl
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02 Dec 2016, 10:50 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Quote:

Even if you don't tell them about your diagnoses, they will still pick up that something is off about you. Plus it will lead to misunderstandings.

They will pick that my personality is distinct and too introvert.

I don't care what you all think - I am not going to tell anyone.

Even the ladyfriend that I have been seeing very frequently lately doesn't know - and it really doesn't matter if the person is compatible and none is being jerk.

I do not believe that disclosing AS will make a failing relationship to succeed.

But then the woman can leave sooner and it will save both of you the trouble.

_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.

The_Face_of_Boo
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02 Dec 2016, 10:53 am

League_Girl wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Quote:

Even if you don't tell them about your diagnoses, they will still pick up that something is off about you. Plus it will lead to misunderstandings.

But then the woman can leave sooner and it will save both of you the trouble.

And why so? Why disclosing it will make the woman to leave a bad relationship sooner?

League_Girl
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02 Dec 2016, 11:02 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Quote:

Even if you don't tell them about your diagnoses, they will still pick up that something is off about you. Plus it will lead to misunderstandings.

But then the woman can leave sooner and it will save both of you the trouble.

And why so? Why disclosing it will make the woman to leave a bad relationship sooner?

Because she will know the guy won't change and she won't have higher expectations and not take the behavior personally. I would have left my schizophrenic ex sooner if I knew and I wouldn't have had hurt feelings and been triggered and not feel so negative about him and the break up would have been more peaceful. But good thing I never stick around in relationships when things don't improve, I give it about three months and then I am gone if there is no change. I didn't want to be one of those women who stays and expecting things will get better. But from what I have read things usually get worse and it gets harder to leave a relationship the longer you stay. So what you see is what you get, never expect it to get better and that rule should apply to everyone for all relationships, AS or not.

_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.

The_Face_of_Boo
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02 Dec 2016, 11:04 am

League_Girl wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Quote:

Even if you don't tell them about your diagnoses, they will still pick up that something is off about you. Plus it will lead to misunderstandings.

But then the woman can leave sooner and it will save both of you the trouble.

And why so? Why disclosing it will make the woman to leave a bad relationship sooner?

You can never change or fix a man, regardless what he is, what makes you think a NT would change?

plootark
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 12 May 2016
Age: 51
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Posts: 65

02 Dec 2016, 11:30 am

I most definitely plan to tell my next romantic partner about my condition as soon as I can. If she isn't going to be understanding about my various quirks she will quite quickly become a real pain in the butt to be with. So I think it would be best to spare both of us the agony as soon as possible..

QuillAlba
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02 Dec 2016, 11:33 am

NT women hate us.

We go against everything cosmo has told them them to expect/demand from a partner.

Has an NT woman ever written anything positive about enjoying a relationship with an autistic male?

Disclose=bad
don't disclose=bad

Do you think they get tired kicking us?

BTDT
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02 Dec 2016, 11:50 am

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/real-life- ... rs-8055319

QuillAlba
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02 Dec 2016, 12:00 pm

BTDT wrote:

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/real-life-stories/what-like-married-man-aspergers-8055319

That was awful.

It's a gutter rag, check out the side bar on the right of screen, pure brain rot stuff.

He calls fat people 'fat', what a hoot.

He's my Mr Spock.

Kill me now...please. :skull:

Jacoby
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02 Dec 2016, 12:07 pm

This definitely seems like the prevailing thought with most people unfortunately, luckily for them I guess is that I've been so thoroughly ostracized from life that I just avoid people altogether and have no hope finding someone. It definitely seems like there is a special hatred reserved for men on spectrum, the lowest of the low. That 'mindblindness' makes me feel that every hates me, will mock me, and will reject me. I can't trust anyone.

League_Girl
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02 Dec 2016, 1:35 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Quote:

Even if you don't tell them about your diagnoses, they will still pick up that something is off about you. Plus it will lead to misunderstandings.

But then the woman can leave sooner and it will save both of you the trouble.

And why so? Why disclosing it will make the woman to leave a bad relationship sooner?

You can never change or fix a man, regardless what he is, what makes you think a NT would change?

Relationships is all about honesty and making your partner happy. If anything about your partner is bothering you, let them know. There might be some things you have to let slide because it's no big deal like if someone liked leaving the toilet seat up and did't see it as a big deal, just leave it alone and not leave the man for it over a toilet seat. Now if he was lazy and not doing much around the house and you felt you were doing all the work, tell him how you feel about it and that you want him to do more so he knows. Don't sit back and say nothing and have the man assume everything is fine and then you do the 180 on him and then he is upset and confused because he thought everything was fine and you didn't even tell him there was a problem.

I could write an essay about my ex's because both of my relationships were bad, it wasn't over minor errors or human faults, it was more and big issues. My second one being emotionally abusive and controlling and not being able to talk about my feelings without him getting defensive and having to keep things bottled up and always walking on eggshells and trying to watch what I say and how I say it without him being defensive. In my first relationship my ex acted like he wanted a mommy than a girlfriend and he didn't want to work and he wanted me to be his cab driver.

Lot of women stay and think their partner will change. If the relationship is bad, leave. Don't assume it will get better.

_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.

League_Girl
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02 Dec 2016, 1:46 pm

BTDT wrote:

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/real-life-stories/what-like-married-man-aspergers-8055319

That was rather a positive story. Not a woman who suffered and is now hurt and traumatized. She just adjusted to him and changed her approach like do not ask questions like "Does my bum look big in this?" and do not joke with him because he takes things literal. Plus it also said he grew as a person.

_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.

sly279
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02 Dec 2016, 1:57 pm

Alliekit wrote:

If my partner lied to me about their diagnosis I would be really upset. If they can lie about that and keep that secret from me they clearly don't think highly of me.

How's it lying if they never ask? 0.o
Mean if they asked if you had something (awkward question) then saying no would be lying but not telling 0.o
I imagine people don't tell every thing about their life to a SO. I dont know though do to never having one but most people I know keep secrets from their SO. Some people won't even disclose they have kids.
I'd like to tell in hopes they better understand me but what I'm getting here is they'd leave me anyways. So maybe the guys are right and shouldn't tell a gf. :s
The way people see aspies is horrible so I'm terrified of anyone knowing but I hoped a gf would be different.
People at my work know and I'm terrified it get out to lower management and everyone else. The girl I like sister is lower management what if she finds out and wants nothing to do with me :cry:

I hardly lie except for gifts and surprises.
However I've learned one must twist the truth sometimes. Like when people ask if they look fat, they don't want told they do even if true. Seems a fine line to draw though. I often wonder if my honesty and loyalty have any place in this world

Last edited by sly279 on 02 Dec 2016, 2:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

League_Girl
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02 Dec 2016, 2:03 pm

Not disclosing you have kids is also a terrible thing to do.

_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.

Alliekit
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02 Dec 2016, 2:08 pm

sly279 wrote:

Alliekit wrote:

If my partner lied to me about their diagnosis I would be really upset. If they can lie about that and keep that secret from me they clearly don't think highly of me.

Or a woman not telling you she has herpes cause 'you never asked'

So just because people do worse stuff that makes it acceptable? Who would want to be with someone who ditched them when they find out your ASD

Last edited by Alliekit on 02 Dec 2016, 2:12 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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This lady has some serious issues with Aspies Post Reply New Topic

This lady has some serious issues with Aspies