Anyone else hate dating?
WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,175
Location: California, United States
As a guy dating is pretty much exactly like searching for a job, except instead of being judged by your skills and work you are judged based on your genetic profile. If you do not meet the average requirement in both the looks and the social skill department, or even worse both, you will have to go through being systematically ignored or if you are somewhat lucky a polite rejection. After time it becomes a maddening experience. You improve yourself bit by bit but every ounce of effort you put in is thrown aside in a split second. You have no idea what you did wrong, feel like you are making no progress and nothing you can possible do seems to change that. At some point it just costs too much energy and causes too much depression to continue.
It is one of those situations where you try to improve your social life you will just end up feeling more lonely and miserable as a result.
I think most male aspies are better off directing their effort elsewhere looking into more classic areas where the whole superficial hookup culture is not a thing. It's a whole lot better than being alone for the rest of your life and it is probably the only realistic option to get a partner for most of us because we are apparently not good enough for local women.
WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,175
Location: California, United States
As a guy dating is pretty much exactly like searching for a job, except instead of being judged by your skills and work you are judged based on your genetic profile. If you do not meet the average requirement in both the looks and the social skill department, or even worse both, you will have to go through being systematically ignored or if you are somewhat lucky a polite rejection. After time it becomes a maddening experience. You improve yourself bit by bit but every ounce of effort you put in is thrown aside in a split second. You have no idea what you did wrong, feel like you are making no progress and nothing you can possible do seems to change that. At some point it just costs too much energy and causes too much depression to continue.
It is one of those situations where you try to improve your social life you will just end up feeling more lonely and miserable as a result.
I think most male aspies are better off directing their effort elsewhere looking into more classic areas where the whole superficial hookup culture is not a thing. It's a whole lot better than being alone for the rest of your life and it is probably the only realistic option to get a partner for most of us because we are apparently not good enough for local women.
its easy to feel that way as a guy because we are the ones expected to pursue
Well, one thing I CAN tell you is to not get mad at them. They don't like you personally and you just have to accept that. They just feel that way and there isn't anything you or them could to about it.
In your defense, however, I am in the exact same boat. No relationships my entire life, and only one date I've been on because I took her to a real expensive event (The Houston rodeo) and prom, but I have female friends just fine and personally I'm okay if I don't go anywhere with them.
I personally must've asked out at least 15 women directly and all of them except that one flaked me off, said no, or were attracted to someone else. I realized that maybe dating, and by extension love, may not be right for me. I've never been sociable and every person I talk to drains my "social batteries" really dang quickly. Doing this was a logical good step for me, even though emotionally I still feel sad about it. But I know I don't have a chance with anybody, so all I can do is make my life here better for me until I die. I am currently attempting to get into Radiology, improving my guitar skills, practicing Krav Maga, etc. All little things to try and make my life less miserable here.
Because I'll tell ya, wallowing and doing nothing about your life doesn't do much good. If you're in the same boat as me and KNOW you don't stand a chance, why even try? Go for what makes you happy, even if love is all you want. Its hard, I understand. But maybe one day, you'll forget about it and be happy on your own. Work through those emotions and seek psychological help if you can't (I have issues dissociating my logical thoughts from my emotions and I'm getting psychiatric help to get pills to get this under control so I can live my life without wanting to kill myself because I'm constantly alone).
Godspeed.
what will help you out is if you don't approach dating like something has to come from it. don't make it a game, don't size anyone up. don't over think anything. just talk to the girl, try to have a good conversation. don't do anything more or less than that. any good relationship starts by having good conversations.
_________________
If Jesus died for my sins, then I should sin as much as possible, so he didn't die for nothing.
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