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Asked a girl to Starbucks, told she was married

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Datalis
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23 Jan 2017, 8:45 pm

TheSpectrum wrote:
Datalis wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
Come on why are you even mentioning defeat, something great just happened. Take the opportunity and build on it.

What good would messing around with a married woman bring?

LOL!

I think ShanuShahsuasNSha was on about the traits the OP was building upon, such as coming out of their shell and being more confident in approaching women as a result

I don't think it's a good idea to meet with her. She's married and he should leave it at that. He asked her out, so he's already attracted to her. The last thing he needs is the catch feelings.



TheSpectrum
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23 Jan 2017, 8:51 pm

Agreed, if he cannot detach (which seems like it would be the case).


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Jacoby
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23 Jan 2017, 9:27 pm

Well her being married doesn't necessarily preclude her from going to Starbucks with people, it would seem weird for her to take your number and give you her's if she was trying to not give you the wrong idea.



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23 Jan 2017, 9:28 pm

Jacoby wrote:
Well her being married doesn't necessarily preclude her from going to Starbucks with people, it would seem weird for her to take your number and give you her's if she was trying to not give you the wrong idea.

Maybe it was a date and he blew it?


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Datalis
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23 Jan 2017, 9:32 pm

TheSpectrum wrote:
Jacoby wrote:
Well her being married doesn't necessarily preclude her from going to Starbucks with people, it would seem weird for her to take your number and give you her's if she was trying to not give you the wrong idea.

Maybe it was a date and he blew it?

Maybe she's in an open marriage. Maybe she's not happy with her current marriage. I still stand by it not being a good idea.



Jacoby
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23 Jan 2017, 9:39 pm

Maybe it's just a test to see how you react, who knows. Unless she gave you a fake number then I don't think it's total failure or rejection, maybe she has friends? Who knows, I wouldn't get so down about this one incident. Just having the guts to ask is a success on some level I think.



Last edited by Jacoby on 23 Jan 2017, 9:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Datalis
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23 Jan 2017, 9:41 pm

Jacoby wrote:
Maybe it's just a test to see how you react, who knows. Unless she gave you a fake number then I don't think it's total failure or rejection, maybe she has friends? Who knows, I wouldn't get so down about this one incident.

That is awkward as hell though. "Hi, how are you tonight?", "Oh I'm fine I'm just discussing with my husband what new frig to buy."



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23 Jan 2017, 9:44 pm

Datalis wrote:
Jacoby wrote:
Maybe it's just a test to see how you react, who knows. Unless she gave you a fake number then I don't think it's total failure or rejection, maybe she has friends? Who knows, I wouldn't get so down about this one incident.

That is awkward as hell though. "Hi, how are you tonight?", "Oh I'm fine I'm just discussing with my husband what new frig to buy."

It would be extremely awkward. I'm going to duck out of the thread before my fixation on finding out whether the woman was truly married drives me to send the OP on a mission to check her hand while she's asleep.


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23 Jan 2017, 10:40 pm

Boxman108 wrote:
Why I never bother anymore. Don't speak unless spoken to.


Good advice. A smile can mean anything. Here's some examples:

Politeness
Friendliness
Flirtiness
Passive-aggressiveness
Malice

Thankfully I don't have to worry about situations like this since people don't smile at me. Of course, this situation is entirely your creation since you asked out a complete stranger.



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24 Jan 2017, 2:23 am

Ladies of WP....listen, and listen well, no guy asks out a woman for the sake of friendship.

and likewise, like I said in the other thread, no woman gives away their number to guys unless they find them attractive.

Be real.

Jeez, "What if she thought you want to be friends...?" kind of questions kill me.

The level of naivety here kills me.

/Yes, I am mansplaining, deal with it.



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24 Jan 2017, 2:58 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ladies of WP....listen, and listen well, no guy asks out a woman for the sake of friendship.

and likewise, like I said in the other thread, no woman gives away their number to guys unless they find them attractive.

Be real.

Jeez, "What if she thought you want to be friends...?" kind of questions kill me.

The level of naivety here kills me.

/Yes, I am mansplaining, deal with it.


Yea until loads of guys always say to you "why did you bring up your boyfriend aren't you assuming alot" "you're so stuck up" and my favourite "you aren't even that hot".

I try to be honest and 9/10 they through It back in my face so what am I supposed to do?



MagicKnight
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24 Jan 2017, 8:02 am

Alliekit wrote:
I talk about my fiance all the time just randomly. Weirdly enough it's polite to not assume that everyone who talks to you wants to date you :roll: :roll:


Not in the given context. A bloke picks something that fell out of your purse and hands it back to you: "hey excuse me miss, I believe this is yours", this is one level of interaction. Here you can totally assume there's no romance involved (at least for a start).

That same bloke passes by and eventually gets back moonwalking towards you: "heeeeeeeeey how you doin'?" ... this is a completely different thing. :lol:



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24 Jan 2017, 10:46 am

Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ladies of WP....listen, and listen well, no guy asks out a woman for the sake of friendship.

and likewise, like I said in the other thread, no woman gives away their number to guys unless they find them attractive.

Be real.

Jeez, "What if she thought you want to be friends...?" kind of questions kill me.

The level of naivety here kills me.

/Yes, I am mansplaining, deal with it.


Yea until loads of guys always say to you "why did you bring up your boyfriend aren't you assuming alot" "you're so stuck up" and my favourite "you aren't even that hot".

I try to be honest and 9/10 they through It back in my face so what am I supposed to do?


And what does this have anything to do with my post? It's a totally unrelated issue.

Ahhh I get it, you just want to mention your boyfriend to me. :lol:



The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Jan 2017, 11:00 am

MagicKnight wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
I talk about my fiance all the time just randomly. Weirdly enough it's polite to not assume that everyone who talks to you wants to date you :roll: :roll:


Not in the given context. A bloke picks something that fell out of your purse and hands it back to you: "hey excuse me miss, I believe this is yours", this is one level of interaction. Here you can totally assume there's no romance involved (at least for a start).

That same bloke passes by and eventually gets back moonwalking towards you: "heeeeeeeeey how you doin'?" ... this is a completely different thing. :lol:


Him: "Hey excuse me Miss, I believe this is yo-"
Her: "I have a boyfriend"
Him: "Congratulations Miss, I was just..."
Her: "I have a boyfriend!"



Oh boy, next generation moms, relfex reaction.

Image



Alliekit
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24 Jan 2017, 11:14 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ladies of WP....listen, and listen well, no guy asks out a woman for the sake of friendship.

and likewise, like I said in the other thread, no woman gives away their number to guys unless they find them attractive.

Be real.

Jeez, "What if she thought you want to be friends...?" kind of questions kill me.

The level of naivety here kills me.

/Yes, I am mansplaining, deal with it.


Yea until loads of guys always say to you "why did you bring up your boyfriend aren't you assuming alot" "you're so stuck up" and my favourite "you aren't even that hot".

I try to be honest and 9/10 they through It back in my face so what am I supposed to do?


And what does this have anything to do with my post? It's a totally unrelated issue.

Ahhh I get it, you just want to mention your boyfriend to me. :lol:


I mean that if I guess they want to ask me out and tell them about my fiance so as to not lead them on, I'm often met with responses about being "stuck up" and stuff and then have to explain I just didn't want to waste their time (to be fair they chill out when you say that).

So what I'm saying is if I believe what you say that every guy who talks to a girl wants to ask her out and not be friends in my experience most guys react negatively to that assumption



The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Jan 2017, 11:21 am

Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ladies of WP....listen, and listen well, no guy asks out a woman for the sake of friendship.

and likewise, like I said in the other thread, no woman gives away their number to guys unless they find them attractive.

Be real.

Jeez, "What if she thought you want to be friends...?" kind of questions kill me.

The level of naivety here kills me.

/Yes, I am mansplaining, deal with it.


Yea until loads of guys always say to you "why did you bring up your boyfriend aren't you assuming alot" "you're so stuck up" and my favourite "you aren't even that hot".

I try to be honest and 9/10 they through It back in my face so what am I supposed to do?


And what does this have anything to do with my post? It's a totally unrelated issue.

Ahhh I get it, you just want to mention your boyfriend to me. :lol:


I mean that if I guess they want to ask me out and tell them about my fiance so as to not lead them on, I'm often met with responses about being "stuck up" and stuff and then have to explain I just didn't want to waste their time (to be fair they chill out when you say that).

So what I'm saying is if I believe what you say that every guy who talks to a girl wants to ask her out and not be friends in my experience most guys react negatively to that assumption


I might react like these guys honestly (not as rudely but I would be like "and why you are assuming I wanna ask you out?").

I might reply this even if I had the intention to ask you out, to preserve one's pride you know, I wouldn't react like "oh darn :(, I wanted to ask you out, boo hoo".

I wouldn't give you this pleasure so you can gossip with your friends how you pre-shot down me and exposing my real intention. :lol:

Don't assume anything before they explicitly ask you out, otherwise yeah, you would be sounding stuck up. Proactive-rejection is stupid.

Anyway, facebook/social media made it so easy for us to know or at least to estimate accurately whether a girl is really single or has a boyfriend; so most will know already and they won't ask you out.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 24 Jan 2017, 11:34 am, edited 1 time in total.