The Friend/Lover Dichotomy

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I've been infatuated with people who have been my "friend."

I acknowledged in my original post that it's possible to be both friend and lover, because some men do it. My question was, how? And how do I know when to play which role?

Things usually start as relationship first then friendship, the opposite rarely works.

With time and within a healthy relationship, your partner automatically becomes your best friend too- no doubt in that - if not then there's something seriously wrong.

Surf should understand that you are seen whether you're attractive or not within the first few seconds/minutes, or at least ruled out within first seconds when seeing you in person (check women responses here: https://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingP ... 92192.aspx) , hence friendship first only works if she secretly views you as crush - if not then it never works and often a big waste of time.

I am going to be cruelly honest here; this is my personal belief only based on personal observation mixed with some rant:
I think men are fundamentally different in that, a lot of men would decide within first seconds when it comes to hook up or short term thing, but so often they would feel attracted to a female friend even if they didn't find her attractive at all initially, not even sexually.

Happened to me many times, and so to many of my male friends and acquaintances I talked to about these matters - and I believe that's why we men are the ones who complain more often about the friendzone thing.

And it's not true like how many women accuse us, claiming that we men befriend women for ulterior motives; I believe that's because their brains don't seem to comprehend that "Chemistry" in men can appear after quite a time, after months and maybe even after years of friendship - and not from the first seconds . That's why you so often hear women complaining "He was lying to me all the time, I thought we were just friends" - they often take late love/attraction confession (if not mutual) as lying and masking and pretending tactic men use, they don't seem to understand that it DOES appear late, sometimes very late, for us men . They often think that the friendzone situation is a man's fault for not being honest in the beginning and maliciously went for friendship hoping something it may change - they fail to see the possibility that he wasn't attracted to her at first and his intention was nothing of this sort, and got attracted to her later and with time.

I think that's why also men are way more often willing to go for a second date. That's why we see more often cases of males falling for female friends (and often rejected) than vice versa.

I find this dichotomy to be a big problem for a somewhat different reason.
I'm aromantic, so do not want a romantic relationship. It is something which looks quite repulsive from my POV.
But nor do I want exclusively platonic stuff.
However non platonic friendships, especially those which involve anything sexual, can be very taboo and incredibly difficult to find. Especially if you lack social skills and understanding.

http://9gag.com/gag/aDWGZyG?ref=fbp

At least from my perspective, and in my experience, I get a crush much easier and faster than the woman. So, I think it is more likely that many neurodiverse men very quickly know that they are interested and that this takes longer for the neurodiverse women. Also, as I already explained, getting a crush on somebody I know never happened. So women really cannot accuse me of faking friendship. If I'm friends with a woman, I'll stay friends only with her forever.